The trials and tribulations of being Single in the Country of My Origin.
A lot is discussed on the problems faced by the Single
Indian Woman in the Urban Metro Cities, however no one sheds light on the
Single Indian Men.
So I take up this crusade to highlight the woes that we
Single Indian Males face.
Let me introduce this category of the Single Indian Male.
Around 30 and above, having a post graduate degree and settled in a well paying
job in the corporate world.
Single, happy and content with life. Just like how wisdom
came to Gautama Buddha and Newton, we too realized what life had in store for us
and decided to stay single. We don’t need to give any reasons or any further explanations
on why we chose to remain single.
But Alas!!!! Our Indian Society known for its pathological
levels of Intolerance has no place for us.
Finding a House, home abode,a place to live or a shelter can be challenging, if it is a challenge for the single Indian woman , it is equally
difficult for us too. House owners are suspicious of us. No one trusts us.
And
again we need to justify the reason for our Single status. All houses rentals are
usually given to families as they are classified as decent, does that mean that
we are indecent???? All we get on the name of Housing is some worthless shanty.
Some others go for paying guest accommodation , but that has its own problems,
we have to put up with college students maybe 10 or 15 years younger and boys
being boys do all sorts of notorious things, they drink, play music at a high
volume, keep the room disorganized and worst of all, they call us “Uncle”. And
this UNCLE is looked upon as the senior citizen of the paying guest.
How can we get peace of mind when we come home after a hard
day’s work and realize that we have to spend our time with some
hooligans???
Even the Estate industry has not been kind to us, all the
new schemes that are up are either 2 BHK or 3 BHK and now some estate sharks
have come up with the idea of 4 and 5 BHK Apartments, in the present times when nuclear families are coming up and
more and more individuals like me are deciding to stay single, the estate guys
still think of that “Hum saath saath hai” Indian families.
STUDIO APARTMENT, a dream home of any single person is a rare thing, limited cities have it.
Branded-If a single working woman who has crossed the marriageable
age, is labelled as modern,ambitious, promiscuous haughty, cheap and someone having a loose character,
we males suffer no less.
We are seen as potential molesters, eve teasers,
rapists, pedophiles, gays and in some cases psychos, YES!!! this how we are
looked upon. You see most guys get married and even those who have been
divorced or widowed are remarried in a year or two, hence single males are rare
to find. Media has portrayed all single men in the forms that i have mentioned
before.
Why can’t people understand that we are law abiding citizens
who have just chosen to stay single by choice and are not a threat to anyone?
Most fathers are protective of their daughters and warn them
to stay away from us, parents also keep their children away and husbands are
suspicious. We are human beings and we too like to intermingle with the
society.
Staying single creates an aura of mystery around us, as we
pursue our interests and live a happy life we are bound to raise the curiosity
of our neighbors. Walking down the apartment itself is a challenge, the
jobless good for nothing retired senior citizens who have no other work are
found wiling away their time in the compound of the building gossiping about
god knows what. And our very site adds fuel to their gossip, some sentences
overheard by me are “What is wrong with him, such a nice person and staying
single”, “There must be some problem with him, some sexual problem or maybe he
is gay”,”kya Zammana aa gaya hai, kalyug hai”.
And the women of the society who
are found chatting now and then also look at us, some with suspicion while others with some interest.
You see many of them are stuck in dead end marriages with husbands who are
equally worthless and then we the single males living a happy life, who are well
groomed,having a toned figure combined with a good sense of humour come a fresh breeze in their
otherwise stale vacuum life. Some of them do show interest in us and end up chatting (flirting)
with us, but that is short-lived, the moment their insecure husbands see this happening,
all hell breaks loose. They scold their wives and threaten them against
speaking to us.
Social Boycott- Now this is something that I have personally
faced again and again and to tell you that i am just disappointed and
disillusioned. The Indian Society has taken a campaign of practicing selective
racism against us. Go to a restaurant and we are not liked as we are single and
are occupying a table of 2 or maybe 4 people. Even if we get the chance to sit on a
table, we have suspicious onlookers giving us questioning looks. I know what
happens when a single woman sits alone at a bar or a restaurant, she is
considered to be "available" and is approached by all sorts of lecherous creatures,
thankfully that does not happen with us but still getting disapproving looks is
not something we like.
At movie theatres the same thing prevails, the same
questioning and disapproving looks, can’t a single man go and watch a movie??
Have stags been banned in watching a movie also??
In an Airline if we book a window seat, we are asked
(err sorry , requested ) by some sweet talking air hostess to change our seats because
some family and their children would to sit next to the window and have fun even though they have no booking. And we are expected to comply ,after all what other option do we have???
No one considers us to be a social being, not the Indian Society;
we are never invited to any social functions, be it engagements, marriages or other
events. After all why should we be invited, since we don’t have any wives or children,
what social value will we contribute, right?? And even if we do get invited, it
might be for someone’s death ceremony or in any function where the organizer wants free of cost human labour to help with the preparations. I hope the Indian labour Department will make a not of this.
Professional Discrimination
At work we bear the brunt and become the beasts of burden,
we are asked to stay back for longer times, work on holidays and take other
people’s workload. Why???? Well you are single, what are you going to do by
staying at home?? Better come to the office and work?? Others have families and
children so they need to attend to them!!! My Question is, that don’t we have
any life of our own?? Don’t we have any interests or hobbies that we want to
pursue after work hours?? Have our married colleagues done some sort of
obligation on the Society by getting married and producing children??????
PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is what I can say.
If we are seen in companionship with a woman, that’s it, we
are labelled as playboys. Can’t we as single men seek the company of a woman;
don’t we have any feeling or desires?? Do we need a legal binding and approval
from the court of law to spend a few hours with a woman? Two hours of beautiful
conversation with a woman is like an oasis in a desert. There is no greater
happiness than to have and intellectual engaging conversation with a woman, to
see her smile and laugh. There are
plenty of marriages in the Indian Society where communication is nonexistent between the
couple, even though they have been married for a decade.
A simple message to all the members of the society , is that
please treat us as Human Beings and not unsocial animals. We are law abiding
citizens who have chosen to walk a different path in our life. We are not a
threat to your women be it your wives, sisters and daughters. I understand that
such creatures do exist but their habitat is in Delhi, Gurgaon and Noida. We are
not desperate, years of loneliness and being single has taught us how to
control our carnal desires. No, we are not gay and queer, just because we
are not married and don’t intend to do so. We certainly don’t suffer from
impotence or erectile dysfunction as some of you think and certainly we are not
some lonely psychos who have become mentally depressed and are brooding and
crying in their rooms. We indulge in activities, hobbies, passions and interests that lead to our self
improvement.
And now to tell you why we chose to stay single. You see
,choice and destiny are combined together. Some of us are orphans who have worked
hard and made their own lives, we have no family of our own and no one to represent us, which father wants his daughter to get married to an orphan?? Some of us come from dysfunctional or broken
families, having seen so many emotional problems in our childhood, we have given up
on marriage, some of us are once bitten and hundred times shy, we loved us someone deeply but that person broke our heart and left us and now we don't have any strength to love someone else and the rest are career
oriented who are not willing to give up their passion and get married. If Woman
can choose to stay single in order to pursue their career interests, can’t we
men do the same??
So for god’s sake let us live our lives ,PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
