At 37 I am still unmarried and you don't need to be shocked: Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

As a first person writing this blog post, I Bhaveen Sheth, would like to state that I am 37 years old and still unmarried, don't have wife, did not father children and I am very happy with my choices and lifestyle. My Dear Sir/Madam, you should not be shocked or amused that I am single.In my writings below I would like to speak with on a one to one basis.

I hope you are doing well. I had a conversation with you and we took it further. We discussed a lot of things and I believe you found me to be a nice and interesting person. The conversation then went on the personal side and you asked me about my family and I stated that I am still unmarried. You expressed some kind of shock or amusement at my statement. I guess you must have assumed that our like that a like you I too must be a married man. Back of your mind you must be thinking how come this man is still single? I can understand. In a society like ours every Indian man has to be married and settled with a wife and child by this age. unfortunately I am not.

I have my own reasons for being single. You see I don't have a family. This is what I can tell as of now. I don't want to get into details. If you care to read a few of my blogposts, I am sure you will understand the reason. I represent myself. In our country and society no decent family would want their daughters or sisters to marry me. After all it is all about reputation and honour, no matter who fake and superficial it may be. People are more interested in LOG KYA KAHENGE (what will be people say) rather than looking and assessing an individual. Our society is all about families and individuality is not acceptable. A decade I ago I tried my hand at matrimony, I was so naive. I faced multiple rejections, people were rude with me, they scrutinized me and looked down upon me with suspicion. By the time I reached 30, I realized that I had no placed within the society. Self respect does matter and why should I compromise it.

At the age of 29, I became aware about the one sided gender biased matrimonial laws of our country.I started doing more research in it and realized matrimonial laws has indeed become a sort of legal terrorism in our country. Families were destroyed and the lives of many many married men were ruined just because their wives filled multiple false cases under different civil and criminal sections in the police station and courts.I personally  even met a few family lawyers who has dealt in matrimonial disputes, I narrated my story to  them and everyone told me to be very careful. In India matrimonial alliances have become a trap where  you can easily be exploited. You stand to loosed out everything that you have worked so hard to earn. Why the should I risk myself? And for what? Any cunning, deceiving and manipulative person will try to take advantage from me in a marriage. It is not worth it.

I also look at the modern marriage and the responsibilities it brings. Marriage and children are indeed a big responsibility. You must be a married man/woman with children or planning to have children. Sometimes I ask myself do I have it in me to become a good husband or a good father? Can I be a good provider or protector? Maybe yes , maybe no. But over the year that I have passed, I have gained maturity and a better insight of my own self. I just guess I am not marriage material, I lack the competency that is required to become an Indian husband in a conventional Indian marriage.

I value my solo time or me time. I love solitude and single living. Mental peace is more important for me. You can't buy mental peace. After work I would like to come home and relax preferably with a cup of coffee and  a book/movie. I would like to go for a jog or to the gym. I prefer spending the late night by reading some good books or doing online courses to enhance my professional development. You see I have been living alone for the last 18 years and it has become a habit. Solitude can be addictive.

At times you must be thinking how can I live alone all by myself. Don't I feel lonely? Don't I go insane? No sir/madam, I don't. I believe in keeping my mind occupied through creative engagement. I read, I write, I travel, I watch good movies and recently i have started my by path towards spirituality by perusing yoga and meditation. Creative engagement is the best antidote to counter loneliness. Please don't equate me with those lonely men who are frustrated with their lives cause I am not.

You may have judged me, judged me for having bad habit. You must have already made up your mind that I am chain smoker, drinker or sex maniac. I don't blame you. The problem is with our society and media. It stereotypes single men in negative shades. But frankly speaking I don't have any such habits. I know the negative consequences of these things and I have no intention on destroying my life. I know that I will end up spoiling my health and ruining my hard earned reputation. I stay away from these vices. 

You may counsel and advise me in getting married. You may state after an age everyone requires some sort of companionship and emotional support. But tell me sir/madam, will you refer your daughter/sister/near relative to me for a matrimonial alliance. I guess not. After all you also have a reputation to maintain. After all I am a man with no family background. It is very easy to advise others and difficult for follow or implement. Then also I thank you for your advice and appreciate your concern.

And yes there are those of you who think that I am a failure, a loser  and a useless man just because I failed to get married, have a wife and did not father a child. You may think whatever you want. I give a damn. I don't have time for narrow minded and cheap people like you who judge a person only from his marital status. 

There is a saying, to each one his own. Everyone has the right to live the way he/she wants. For some people remaining solo is a personal choice and one must respect that.

I hope I have clarified myself.

This is Bhaveen Sheth being blunt and clear.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

I AM SINGLE NOT A LOSER

This blog spot is dedicated to many single Indian men who have chosen to remain single either out of choice or destiny and to the divorced and separated men who have chosen never to marry again. This write up is for strengthening our resolve and give a befitting reply to the society that treats us like failures and losers.

In India, marriage defines an individual, both men and women. By a certain age one has to get married and if that does not happen , one has to be ready to face the criticism from the society.

At 34 (and just some months before I turn 35), I am called a loser :a man who failed to find a suitable match, a man who is still not married, not settled and does not have children.

It is very easy to brand a 30 or 40 year plus single Indian man a loser. People have even given me other names for remaining single, I am called commitment phobic, irresponsible, immature, negative and pessimistic. I am sure many single Indian men who are currently reading this post would have also faced similar situations.

Seriously!! Please tell me one thing: What makes me and men of my kind losers? I am sure you have no answer. Presently I am single and happy living a solo life. I have still not come across someone with whom I can make a connection.But I am not breaking any law, am I ?

Unlike frustrated single Indian men, I am content with myself, I enjoy my own company, take myself out to dinners and movies regularly. I pursue my hobbies and passions rigorously. Does that make me a loser?

And does marriage hold any importance in today's society these days?Are people happily married the way they claim in social media? I seriously have my doubts.

When did that one institution make someone a winner/loser. Just because I don't have a woman by my side does not make me a dork.

Individualism in India has never been respected. Anyone who is happily living a single life is considered selfish. But the society does not rest at that. It goes further in branding single Indian men as failures.This term has been concocted by the Indian feminists and feminazis who don't want any single Indian man to feel adequate. Amazingly ,a single Indian woman in glorified. She is labelled as a strong, educated,modern, liberated 21st century woman. It looks like the Indian feminists are insecure about many Indian Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). They are scared that a day will come when Indian men will not consider these modern urban single women for marriage.

So what do the feminists do? They make a term called LOSER and use their good offices in the media to spread the message that all single Indian men are losers.

The fact is that the so called real loser Indian men get married by hook or by crook. Their parents do their best to get a suitable matrimonial alliance for them. Intelligent mature Indian men take a rational decision of remaining single after a lot of thought.These are the facts.

I end this blog with a quote:

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Just because we are orphans doesn't mean we don't have the right to live a normal life

In this blogspot, I would like to put my feelings on behalf of many orphans like me who are denied the right to live a dignified life by the Indian society.

There are times when I wonder whether that India as a country in general and Indian society in particular denies a dignified life to its orphaned people.

We all know what happens to orphan children on streets, I don't need to say more. But there are many who work hard and make a life for themselves , achieving success single handedly with no support or help. And yet they are denied a dignified life by the Indian society which only thinks that dignity is to be accorded to people who belong to a RESPECTABLE FAMILY.

As self made men we are not respectable just because we don't have a family who can represent us. The society for some reason believes in segregating us and having us quarantined. Social exclusion is an unspoken rule that the society follows in our case.

And we are humans too. Why do people forget that. We were also someone's children. Is it our fault that we lost our parents? Is it our fault that our destiny was bad? Aren't we human beings? What wrong have we done that we get such a sub human and inhuman treatment?

We also have aspirations, dreams and feelings. We wish to connect, we wish to be included and we seek validation. We also aspire for a spouse, family, children and happiness, we crave for human touch, we want someone to reach out to our disturbed lonely souls and make us feel human. But what we get is rejection and denial. People don't think twice before insulting and humiliating us. Eventually we give up and move on with living our lives.

And when we go about minding our own lives, we are again criticised for living a wayward single life.So here I make a clear point to many men of my kind. We have the right to live our lives, go ahead, backpack, travel, watch movies, take yourself to a good restaurant, read good books and improve the quality of your life. Because the Indian society does not want us and we should not expect anything form it either. But remember, we should not stop living a life of fulfilment and happiness just because we are orphans.

When the Indian marriage system reminds me of being an orphan

In the tenth series of this post, I write on how the Indian marriage system reminds me of my orphan status.This write up is the story of my life. Those who have been reading my blog posts already know that I am an orphan. I don't need any sympathy for that. I am content with my life being a self made man having slogged on my own all by myself and made it on the professional front.

 

Work and personal engagements make me forget bitter experiences associated with my past. I try my best to remain happy.But there is this one thing that reminds me about my orphan status, time and again. The matter of distress for me is marriage. At 34, I am often questioned on my single status. I don't bother. But there are times when I do crave for some companionship, for love, for someone to be my side.

But  what chance do I have as an orphan? Marriage has been an uphill task for me. A potential marriage alliance reminds me  that I am an orphan with no family. In my case my trustworthiness is the first casualty. No one trusts me.Whenever I speak about my past, I have to relive those moments when I lost my family and the subsequent hardships that I had to  face. No one accepts me for who or what I am.After all marriages in India are all about family alliances.

And this is one of the major reason why I gave up on marriage.

At present I am single and I don't need to justify myself to anyone.This makes me happy and I hope to keep it that way. Somewhere I had read that orphans are god's children, so why does the Indian society treat us badly?Why do the so called cultured people coming from a good families treat self made oprhans with contempt and utter disregard? But then I realize that in India you have no identity without a family. People have no respect for self made orphans. This is the real truth of our society.

I am better off with a  solo life unless I come across a matured Independent woman who will accept me for what I am with no questions asked.

This is Bhaveen Sheth singning off and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Did your Indian society ever give us a chance?

In the ninth series of this post, I frame a response on behalf of many single Indian men of my kind to the public in general. This response will serve a befitting reply to people who ask us why we are still  single?

A few weeks ago, a colleague at my workplace gave me a short lecture on the importance of marriage and told me that if I wanted to get married,I must bring down my expectations from a spouse.Wow!What a suggestion. People feel that I am single and unmarried because I have sky high standards. I believe many single men of my kind would have faced a similar situation. Indian society has a dubious distinction of making assumptions on anyone who does not follow its norms.

There many men like me, men who are orphans, men who come from dysfunctional families and men who don't want to represent their families.Two years ago I gave up any hope that I has on getting married.I have described reason for doing so in my blog posts written before.The single tag does not bother me anymore. However I do get irritated when people blame me for not getting married.

So here I make a statement "Did your Indian society ever give us a chance"?I don't think anyone has an answer to this question.Men like me are never considered as eligible bachelors.No one wants us, no one considers us. We are at best considered as Hobson's choice or the devil's alternative.

Being an HR professional, I very well understand in order to qualify for a job, one needs to meet that mandatory job specification.The same applies to a marriage (at least in India). Not having a family makes you an automatic reject. No one will even consider you for a meeting. In-spite of all this, I still tried, only to be ridiculed, cross examined, insulted and humiliated.Some families did consider me because their daughters were equally unwanted by the society (fat, ugly, anorexic, leftover, over aged and divorcee). Now I am modest person having normal expectations, I was certainly not one of those desperate persons willing to settle down with just anyone as a spouse.When you make an extreme compromise in a marriage:you end up shaking your hands with the devil himself. I stoically accepted that I was better off being single.

Today I live peacefully living a happy single life. I don't have any problems.But the people of the society don't like it. They can't stand the sight of a single man living a nice life.I would clearly like to state that before making unwanted statements on me and men of my category, people should know about our backgrounds and put themselves in our shoes.

Indian society does not give any chance to orphans. Even if we are able to move above on the professional level, we are still treated as unwanted and made to feel like outcasts.

An Indian society that boasts on values, traditions, morality and all that philosophy on culture  has no place for orphans.

I hope I have made my point clear in this post.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off and will be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Living with loneliness without any love, care or affection, something within you dies every single day.

In the eight series, I write on how loneliness affects the lives of single men in India. While we may celebrate our bachelorhood, one should also realize that loneliness takes its toll, especially on our emotional well being.We become less human, we get devoid of human emotions.

There are many Indian men who are now living a life of extreme loneliness.There is no one by our side, we have lost touch with our relatives, hopes of marriage have long gone, we have good friends but they are busy attending to their own families.At this stage of our lives there is no one by ourside.

I know what many of us are going through. Unlike single Indian women we don't go around advertising our situation. In India, men accept their pain and suffering silently.

We often ask:what wrong did we do to deserve this life? We find no answer. May be we have accepted our fates and compromised with it.

We wake up early and realize that there is no one by outside.We have our breakfast alone wondering if there would be any possibility in the near future where we would be sharing our dinning table with that special person.We go to work and listen to our colleagues discussing matters related to their families. When we see family photos of someone, something suddenly hits us and we realize what we are missing.

We come home to any empty house (I have been doing that for the last 16 years now. First as an undergraduate student , then as a first time employee, later on as a PG student and now a professional assimilated in the workforce). No one greets us at the entrance of our homes, no wife, no child. There is no one with whom we can share our problems, no one with we will be having dinner.Sundays, public holidays and festivals have stopped being of an importance to us.

We ask ourselves?Are we dying everyday? To some extent, the answer is yes.We have stopped being emotional, we have stopped living in fantasy and stopped keeping hopes.Other thean our professional achievements and credentials, we don't have any cherished moments. In a society filled with lies, cheat, deceit and rampant abuse of the judicial system , we have become hyper vigilant. Interactions with the opposite gender fills our minds with doubts and paranoia. We have made fences and walls around us to such an extent that making a meaningful relationship with someone is difficult.In my case, I have not been touched for the last 15 years. The lack of physical human contact is enough to make me inhuman or to put it better words, dehumanizing.

No matter how much suffering we keep in our hearts, our stoicism gets reflected in our eyes and face.We die, we die every single day. It is just that we don't register this minuscule percentage of our death.

This is not just my story but the story of many men like men, men who are orphans and men who have left their dysfunctional families for good.Men who are single because of their destiny. This is the reality of our lives.

BHAVEEN SHETH

"At times i ask myself;Will I remain happy being single?"

Now that I am in my early 30's, I often ask myself this one single question? "Will I be happy I were to remain single for the rest of my life?"

My intuition tells me yes.

For starters, I have got comfortable with my single status. Gone are those days when I was desperate to find a soul mate. I have got adjusted with the conditions that a solo life has to offer.Over the years gone by , I have grown and matured and am content with life.

There are times when I ask myself.,"What if I were to get married and settle down?""What about starting a family life?"

I doubt if if I would become a good husband or a father. I doubt that I will ever meet the expectations of the society. My answer is a no.Maybe I don't have it in me. I don't have the competency to settle down.

Life is just as good as the decisions you make.Bad decisions complicate life.

Today i have a set of personal dreams and professional ambitions for myself. My critics may call me self centred or selfish. Its okay. I don't care.

Maybe some people never settle down.They are happy to chart their own course of life and live a happy single life..

I am that person who has joined the category of happy single men who will go ahead and live his life.

This is Bhaveen Sheth, the writer of the diary the single Indian male. I will be back with a lot more.

When Indian society turns its men into economic slaves

Browsing through the facebook profile of a person, I came across this video. It was heart wrenching when I watched it and it did bring tears in my eyes.

I dedicate this video to all men of this great country who fight a battle every day, a battle for themselves and their families, I salute the hard work done , the difficulties faced and pain suffered on a daily basis by majority of the Indian men just in order to fit in to the so called norms of the Indian Society.

Please watch this video in the link below:

It is sad, really sad, that the entire media in this country  focuses on women's empowerment, women's upliftment and women's safety.

No one ever focuses on the problems that Indian men have to go through, be it in India or abroad.

Our society at times is really strange. Everyone is made to sacrifice something or the other in order to meet the so called material expectations of the society.

From times immemorial , men in the Indian society have been asked to take responsibilities as a father, brother or son. While the women live within the protective confines of their homes, it is the men who go out and face all kinds of difficulties. Yes, I understand that times have changed and  now even the women have started stepping out, but still things don't change.