Orphans have never had it easy ,especially in India.Children without parents grow up being neglected, uncared, unloved, exploited and unwanted.Some children become orphans at the time of their birth while others become during some phase of their lives.Losing your loved ones at a young age is not easy and combine that with no support from near relatives, life is indeed difficult.
As a writer of this blog titled as "The diary of the single Indian male", I would like to share my own experiences living the life of an adult orphan.Now at the age of 35 , I have very much accepted my destiny. I don't know if I will ever find a soul mate.
What is it be an adult orphan in India?What is to live a wretched or cursed life? In the words of the famous Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevsky "Hell is living a life without ever being loved or being able to love someone". This statement sums up the lives of adult orphans. Yes, we adult orphans are living a life of hell.
At my age life has become a sort of routine: wake up, get dressed, go to work, come back, read books, watch movies and go to sleep.Am I not a human being? Don't I have any feelings?There are times when I wish that there was that special someone by my side. There is a wish to see a wonderful smile of a caring woman in the morning, but there is none. Empty rooms is something that I have always been coming back to after work.It has been so many years where I have had only loneliness to greet me.Initially it was difficult, now I have got used to loneliness.
As an adult orphan in India, you are pretty much on your own.You don't find much support in the society. There is no one in whom you can confide in, no one to share your feelings.A solitary life is forced upon you.
What is it that you miss as an adult orphan?You miss the human touch. Something that makes you feel human.It can be a hug, an embrace, a face to face interaction , anything that shows someones love towards you. You have no one to feel for you.Whatever feelings you have just get stored into you for years to come.The society deprives you of a soul mate just because you are an adult orphan.When was the last time you loved someone and she reciprocated her feelings? This is something that a majority of adult orphans are deprived of. A difficult life filled with hardships makes you pragmatic. You are not able to understand the fantasy of love that other normal people have. I guess, we adult orphans are too realistic with life. But that does not mean that we cannot love or care for someone.There are times when we want to have a meaningful relationship, there are times when we wish to be a part of a social gathering, unfortunately we have been denied this.As an adult orphan you have to live the hard way and accept certain bitter realities of life.
Being single post 30, you are bound to face ostracism, criticism and acerbic comments. Not being married after a certain age marks you as an odd man in the society. A single man post 30 working at a good position gets noticed by people.You get commented upon for your single status, people feel that there is something wrong with you. You don't want share your personal problems with anyone and if you did, no one one will empathize with you. Social isolation is something that you have to face.No one will invite you at any social function.People tend to forget that you are human being.
Marriage is an integral part of life for everyone. Everyone gets married other than orphans.For adult orphans, the doors of marriage are closed.Your education, work, designation and salary does not matter.It does not matter that you are a self made man.All that matters is that you should belong to a decent well cultured family background. Hence we, adult orphans are nowhere possible suitors for a marriage.No one respects us for what we are. A few months back , a woman's father spoke to me and said "You have no parents, no relatives, how can I believe that you belong to a decent family background" As simple as that.And if you get a matrimonial interest, it will surely be from the dejected and rejected category of women who otherwise have no takers. It seems that people take our orphan status for granted and try to dump their unwanted daughters and sisters on us.
Not a day goes by when you think why your life turned out like this.You question your destiny and faith in god.Why is a normal life denied to you when you have worked so hard?Why are you treated so differently? There is no answer to this. Your life is empty and you feel left out.
And still in all this gloom, sadness and stoicism you see a ray of hope.You realize that if you have made it here all by yourself, there is a possibility that you will go far ahead. There is a lot more that you can do and lot that you can achieve.You work on yourself everyday in order to become a better person.You work on building wealth. People who understand you become your best friends, you develop good relations in the community.You immerse yourself in creative activities.You travel solo in order to explore new places and meet new people. At the end of your life you don't want to look back and have regrets.
Lastly you don't give up on hope and strongly hold on to it knowing that one day there is going to be a positive outcome.
This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.
BHAVEEN SHETH
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