Saturday, December 23, 2017

Certainly not your caretaker,care giver and financial provider

Of course now that many Indian men are still single in their 30s and living a comfortable life, it is strange that we still get matrimonial alliances from prospective brides and of course their parents. 

Image result for indian men as caretakers for wives

No matter what the age may be, a single Indian man is always an eligible bachelor provided he is financially well off and settled in his life. Matrimonial interests will always come to him.Having said this, the single Indian man states that why should we even consider such matrimonial interests? I mean aren't we happy with our lives? We take care of ourselves, have a stable job, earn good money, have learnt important life skills like cooking, laundry and housekeeping and we focus on things beyond carnal desires, so why get married?

The truth is that we are not looking for a bride but it is the other side, the women and their parents looking for an eligible groom to marry of their daughters to. Many of these women are in their 30s and even in their 40 s ,still living under the protection of their parents. For some reason they could not marry at the right time and considering the present marriage scenario, there are many separated and divorced women present in the matrimonial market. These women and their parents are looking for some care taker, care giver and financial provider to take care of them. Parents of these women are worried and scared in what would happen to their daughters after their death. Who would take care of them? Indian society especially North Indian has a dubious distinction of ill treating single Indian women, it practices institutional apartheid of discrimination against these women. Other than 5 to 10 % of these single women, a majority are not financially well off and if you consider the ones who are single mothers , they are the most needy.

Cutting the long story short, the single Indian man advises his fellowmen to be careful before considering such matrimonial alliances. What appears to be sugar coated will turn later into acerbic bitter. Such people are just looking for a care taker,care giver and  financial provider. Why else would they show interest in you? You are financially well off and well settled. Isn't that the only criteria while deciding matrimonial alliances? Ask yourself, what value addition are these women bringing? Can they become good home makers? Can they cook, clean and take care of your homes? No!!! More than 50 % are some nut cases who are self obsessed, narcissistic and selfish. This is why they are still single. Never get sympathetic at those emotional parents of the daughter, they are just crying crocodile tears to get rid of their responsibilities and dump it over you.

We the single Indian men have struggled, sweated and worked so  hard to reach where we are. Just don't waste your life times savings and hard earned money on becoming someones care giver and financial supported when you will get nothing in return.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and will come back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth-INDIAN MGTOW

Saturday, December 16, 2017


Many Indian girls in their late teens and 20's think that living a solo life will be a bliss.After all they have been inspired by the famous America television series "The sex and the city" and other romcom Hollywood movies. However real life is not that sugary and quite different from the fantasy shown on the screen.

Long time back I had written a blogpost on extremely high expectations of today's Indian women for marriage. You can find the link below:

However with such sky high expectations, unending checklists and lack of willingness to compromise and adjust makes them what is famously called as the " The leftover women". After crossing 30 their marriage prospects decline. Insecurity, frustration, dejection and depression become a part of their lives.

Solo life is not a bliss for Indian women, at-least not for the majority of single Indian women.There are these 5 to 10 % single Indian women who are financially well off and come from extremely rich and influential family background. They can have their way in life but the same in not applicable to majority of the single Indian women belonging to upper middle class and middle class background.

What started out as a rebellion against their parents has certainly backfired.What started as a right and fight for assertiveness, individualism and self determination has fizzled out and left these single women with nothing but criticism, pity and sarcasm.

Post 30, single Indian women never have it easy (at least not the majority). Many of these women still live in their parents homes.There are daily fights and arguments between these women and their parents.Parents want the daughter to get married, they criticize her for not getting married and clearly tell her how she has brought a bad name to the family. They compare their daughter with the daughters of their friends and relatives who have now got married and are well settled in their lives.Sarcasm, criticism and acerbic statements have now become a part of their lives. Toxicity has now become a part of their lives and they carry it with them.

Majority of these women do not have a promising career.They are just doing a job,you know the routine low level and mid level job where a person is expected to do routine work in stipulated time.There is no growth or future for them in these jobs but they stick on to it as they have no other option.

Festivals, events and social gatherings are out of bound for them.No one wants to invite these single women at these places.And even if they do get invited, they invite public shaming and criticism for not getting married and unwanted attention from married men who are looking for a fling.Married women see these women as threats to their spouses and keep them at bay.Over the time these women are sidelined from being invited at auspicious events. No one wants the presence of a barren unmarried single women at such events.

The feminist media keeps talking about single Indian women travelling solo.This all bullshit! maybe they are the ones who are in their 20's on a adventure, just forget the 30 and 40 plus category.Such women don't have the courage of taking up solo travel not o forget the parents who will not allow them.How do you expect such women to take up solo travelling when you they are bought up in an over protected environment with a lot of pampering.Putting another perspective in place, these women are not even healthy for taking up a solo travel. They are overweight and have other health issues that they have.And India is not a safe country for an Indian women travelling solo.

These single Indian women often come in the eyes of a lot of men, men who fall within their age bracket and above,These women are looked upon as an easily available sex objects especially by the married Indian men. The problem with these men is that they are stuck with fat wives who do not get give them their daily dose of sex, so these married Indian men pry on single Indian women thinking that they are game.These women often get signals, messages and invitations that are overtly perverted in nature.This happens to them wherever they go and by chance if these single Indian women are good looking and have taken good care of themselves, they will face harassment on a daily basis.

Like men, women too have carnal desires and no woman will ever deny this. Single life for women in India is not like the famous T.V sitcom "Sex and the City". Dating avenues are few and barring a few exceptions, a majority of the Indian women are not comfortable in getting sexually adventurous with a stranger.

They still believe that they will meet someone, fall in love with him, get married and have loads of sex with him, unfortunately that does not happen. Male brothels are non existent and gigolos are the privilege of the luxury class only. And the standards of these women have not fallen so low that they will fornicate with servants, drivers and office boys. Young men are not interested in them, teenage boys may try experimenting of them but this again comes at a grave risk, if caught  red handed they risk loosing everything. The only option for them are middle aged Indian men with pot bellies and sex with them is nothing less than a disaster.Left with  no options these women turn into celibates.Denied sex, these women suffer from mood swings and emotional disturbances.Emotional outbursts become a common behavioral trait.A human body that does not get adequate human touch ceases to be human after some time.

Unlike the benefits that single Indian men have, single Indian women are not able to take the benefits that come with a solo life. As mentioned earlier, solo travel is ruled out.Even eating out at a restaurant or watching a movie all alone is not possible without raising unwanted attention. An unaccompanied women all by herself is surely going to get unwanted attention and at worst an indecent invitation.

Love and romance is something difficult to come by for these women. A majority of the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in India get married in their late 20's and early 30's.The Indian men who are still single in their 30's and 40's are the certainly not the best of the lot and even if they are good, they will have complicated lives or  carry their excess baggages (I am an example). Many of these single Indian women get disappointed when they come across such men as potential matrimonial alliances.These men are generally not good looking, short, obese, anorexic,some are divorced, some are widowers and some are single fathers with children from a previous marriage.Some men possess a lesser qualification while some just hold a below average mediocre job.These men may be good at heart but their traits don't make them eligible bachelors.Rejected innumerable times, these men are still single.So now you understand why do the single Indian women in their 30's and 40's find it difficult to get married.Compromising with their so called standards is something that these women are not willing to do.

As the years pass by, life becomes difficult for them. Social support diminishes, biological clock keeps ticking, worries keep mounting, feelings of loneliness and isolation seep in, desperation and dejection will become a part of their lives,some women have to rely on financial assistance provided by others,health problems start arising, days are filled with depression, parents pass away, siblings get busy in their own lives, best friends now get married, comparison with them brings a lot of pain and suffering, empty houses is what they get to live in and a lot more.

With this I end my post and if you are one of those single 30 or 40 plus women who have searched about happy being single as a 30 or 40 plus woman in India, please think again after reading my blog, life is not easy and it will get difficult for you over the years. Setting high expectations or standards will not bring you knight in shinning armour to you. Look at men for what they are, appreciate their love and affection, that is all that matters. 

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing out for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.


Sunday, December 10, 2017

The bitter realities of the lives of Indian women who don't get married-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian Mgtow

Single hood, solo life and living alone has always been glorified in the Indian media by a bunch of self serving feminists and feminazis. But is it worth living single for Indian women? I guess not. The problem is no one shares the bitter realities of Indian women living alone and who chose not to get married or the divorced ones who walked out of a marriage and never got married. In ananymous post written below , a woman at the age of 45 has opened up about her life and shared the problems and pain of a woman living a life without marriage. Please read the post below:

Its difficult. Sorry its a little long but a little background. Hence broken into sections.
Here’s my story. I am 45 year old well educated Indian woman with a good career who has lived for long periods in the US and India.
Early life, twenties:
I was raised in India with the expectation that being married and being a mom was the most important part of a woman’s life - difficult to get away from it when its deep rooted.
I had grown up outside of my native state and did not relate to the traditional culture of my state. So had a lot of issues with my parents when I was teenager. When I was in my early twenties, my parents did not make any efforts to help me get married because I didn’t want to marry into my traditional culture. I was pretty and well educated, which was plus in my community. They did not attempt to persuade me that I might find someone who is not too traditional. I was a late born child so all their friends’ children were too old. My parents were also tight on money. Long and short I had very few proposals, hence when I got one or two I got married at 25 even though it didn’t feel right - I was afraid I may not get proposals.
The marriage and move to US:
The marriage was horrible - the worst of Indian husbands and in-laws and I figured it was better to be single than in a bad marriage and got divorced at 30. I was in the US. My parents lost my sister at the same time and since it made no sense for us to live in two different countries, they moved to the US. They were fortunately very supportive emotionally.
The thirties and dating:
Fortunately I did well career wise and financially. From the age of 30 to 40, I made a lot of efforts to get married again but it didn’t work for various reasons, I think as guys do better in life, their expectations of good looks increases and women’s good looks decrease. And whatever you say, many Indian men look for an “obedient” wife they want to dominate. I was fine with people who were not doing as well as me financially or career wise - I thought if the person was good to me it would be ok. But I found that the men I met didn’t feel comfortable. Some would lash out at me or be critical of me. Some wanted my money.
Social Ostracization
It was difficult to be making efforts and constantly get rejected. So many heartbreaks and disappointed. Added to that, my Indian friends in the US (friends when I was married) completely cut me out of their social circle because I think they only wanted to be friends with couples and families.
It hurt - because on one hand I was lonely and on the other hand I had no social life. Fortunately my parents were supportive, but it hurt to see them feel bad for me.
Move to India and afterwards:
At age 40, on one of my vacations to India, I decided to move to India. I felt there was no reason to stay in the US anymore. I had a better social life and thought I would adopt a child.
While I began the process I discovered to my surprise my mom was against it. I thought no one would understand better than her that I would be alone and she didn’t . So I thought once my career settled down in India I would move out and adopt a child. This took time.
Fortunately the social life was good. I had many friends and it never bothered me that I was single. They included me in all their social events.
People think its easier to be single in the US - its not. Its easier to be not married - but socially there is tremendous pressure to have a boyfriend or significant other - otherwise one gets left out.
Then when I was almost 42, my mom passed away suddenly. I put things aside and spent time with my dad. My dad was open to adoption but surprisingly he was hung up on South Indian child (we were South Indians). There had been an opportunity for a North Indian child but he asked me to wait.
These are difficult steps to take on one’s own and he had been supportive with other things so I went along. We didn’t find a South Indian and then the rules changed so I couldnt get the North Indian child either because I am a US citizen - its complicated and now am 45 years old too.
In between I had some health issues. They suspected a serious illness but fortunately it wasn’t. My poor old dad supported me through all this.
I have been on dating and matrimonial sites and find that today while there are many single or divorced men in their forties, they are looking for relationships without commitment. Unfortunately many women don’t mind this so there is no reason for men to change. So someone like me who is looking for a commitment finds it difficult. The ones who are willing to commit are looking for a gorgeous obedient wife. I may be good looking but it not as I was before. I think it will take a miracle for me to find a good relationship that I have given up on all this.
Today I live because I don’t want my dad to lose another child. I have a good career and good friends but no other family. I have no purpose. I have been trying to find interests and purposes for the last 16 years but haven’t. I don’t know if and how I will be able to live once my Dad is gone.
For all those single Indian women reading this post, think twice before your opt for a single life, chances are that things are not rosy as them seem to be in television sit coms or rom-com movies.
This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

The categories of Indian women you will meet during potential matrimonial alliances-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

Greeting from the Single Indian man, Bhaveen Sheth. Today I cam across a brilliant post written on qoura on the type of Indian women that you will met during matrimonial alliances. I am out of this game but I am sure many eligible bachelors reading this post have either experienced or will have an experience of meeting the two special categories of women  mentioned below:

It depends on which category of girl you meet. In India you will find two categories of girls. There is one category of girls who are goldiggers or parasites (that is the majority of girls in India anyways): they dont have any love for themselves nor others, nor they have any self respect. One of the first things they will ask you is how much you earn per year and what is your current bank balance (also if you live in your parents’ house and own a car) because the sole motivation of her getting married to you is that she can use you as her personal ATM machine for as long as she wants. Sometimes she may also ask you to go for a maths test to test your literacy level. If you belong to a different caste or religion than that of the girl it may lead to some hesitation on the part of the girl and her parents (like, a punjabi girl would marry only a punjabi guy or a muslim girl would marry only a muslim guy, stupid as it may sound, this is India!). But your financial worth is what will override all other shortcomings ultimately. If she and her parents are satisfied with your income, then she will “conveniently” fall in love with you and you will get “instant approval” from her parents too. You can be a total jerk but in India character of a man does not really matter as much as his bank balance and assets do. More often than not these women will also cheat on you when they find a ‘better’ (read richer) dude on the horizon who is interested in them, then take away all your assets, kids etc., with a divorce case full of trumped up charges. This is the kind of crowd who usually go for arranged marriages and avoid dating because they have nothing of value to offer to a man anyways. Their hobbies include watching stupid Ekta kapoor serials, shopping for items they dont even need, visiting beauty parlors twice a week and of course fighting with the husband for money. This is why arranged marriage sucks.
There is the other category of girls who have some self respect; they are independent minded and full confidence in their ability to run their own house and make a living by dint of their merit. They want a man for companionship, but they dont need a man. They are very intelligent and very often they hold excellent positions up in corporate ladder (often doing something creative) or are successful entrepreneurs/leaders. However, besides the fact that these kind of females form only 20% of the Indian female population, they are quite a confused lot when it comes to relationships. Thing is once upon a time these women used to believe in true love and all that but since then their heart has been broken by some guy and they still carry that scar on their heart like a tattoo. So, if a guy shows even mild interest in such a girl she pushes him away because she cannot trust guys anymore with her heart. These are the women you would want to mingle with, but bare in mind it would be extremely difficult for you to build a relationship with them (depending on how open they are to start a relationship).
This is the acerbic reality of today's times.
This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Why the Indian society does not want its men to remain single-BHAVEEN SHETH-INDIAN MGTOW

Taking this writeup from a facebook page called Indian MGTOW, I would like to share the importance of being single and enjoying solitude and why the  Indian society does not want Indian men to remain single:

In popular philosophy, expression, culture, social acceptance and general psyche, loneliness carries a very negative connotation. It scares people, and infact people see lone men as "losers".
Everywhere around you, you will find literature, media, philosophy, music which is continuously ON which continuously feeds your mind with one and only one doctored doctrine - find love of your life, find companionship, and dont hesitate to go to any ends to acquire it.
You might have heard this quote so many times that now it has become a cliche, it goes like this "know yourself", tell me one thing, how are you supposed to know yourself, if you spend least time with yourself ?
The nature does not plan to fuck up with beings it produces, nature nurtures and nourishes, this is why air, water and basic food is available in nature bountiful and then there are plenty of evidence which says nature does not architect the suffering of beings it produces, specially humans.
If an individual spends just 6 months all by himself, away from general public's bullshit and without any external influence, that individual would come out just fit and fine and would be an advanced version of himself which he wont believe he could ever be, this is because this is a natural process, you are a unique personality and nature has provided you with all particular and specific characteristics and virtues which could help you evolve into the best version of yourself and to be yourself in fullest, so when you are all by yourself and you spend most of the time with yourself, you become the REAL YOU, the PURE YOU, without any shit or impurity in your head, shit happens when an individual comes under influence of others, specifically under the influence of stupid masses which compose 99.99% of the population out there.
"When an individual doesnt like his own company, he seeks an external stimulation."
I have seen people who are so weak, that they need at least some sort of stimulation when they are alone, for example, music, movie, food, video game, etc. people today make friends and relationships just to avoid being alone, just imagine what kind of relationships these are which are based simply on the fear of NOT BEING ALONE, for such people even other people are simply means for stimulation, whats more is that fear of loneliness is most favorite scare of people who want to convince you to marry, tell me what good should I expect from something I did just out of fear of being left in my own company, come on give me a better reason for christ's sake.
I just cant get this through my head that why a person who is absolutely healthy in the mind would be uncomfortable in his own company ? tell me, isnt it that there is something terribly wrong with a person who says " i cant be alone for more than 2 days, I would start going crazy" ? I mean, just why ? it is just a propaganda, a hogwash, a brainwash tactic which works really well.
For some, it is loneliness, and for some it is solitude and freedom

Indian men who have been forced to give up on marriage

The single Indian man speaks on many Indian men who have been forced to give up on their dreams of getting married and remain single and celibate for their entire lives.

Forced bachelorhood is now becoming a common thing amongst many single Indian men who are very well in their 30's and 40's. Unlike those single Indian men who have remain single out of choice, these men dream and seriously want to get married but are not able to find any suitable women for marriage.

Blame it on the skewed male female or high expectations of women, these men stand out to lose a lot.

A big percentage of these men belong to middle class and lower middle class families , some may belong to an upper middle class family but still they retain middle class values.

These men are average in their achievements and generally get by in life. They hold basic educational qualifications and have a junior or middle level jobs in organizations. Their salaries can have needs fulfilled but cannot but them luxuries.These men are not independent and stay with their parents.

Every matrimonial alliances they come across have high expectations in terms of salaries, designation, materialistic expectations which these men can't meet. Rejections and disappointments happen repeatedly. This trend continues even when they have crossed into their 30's.

I don't look down on these men. Not everyone is an IIT-IIM professional or a doctor or engineer. Some people are average and they do have the right to exist and make a living. However with the matrimonial markets filled with extremely high demands, expectations and groom comparisons, these men don't stand a chance. It is not that all women are out of their league, many women are of a similar class, unfortunately they want to get married on the next higher level of the financial pyramid. There are innumerable amount of these middle class Indian women who will prefer staying single rather than getting married to men of a similar class.

After constant rejections these men and their families give up on any hope of getting married and stoically accept a single life with a lot of disappointment and disgust. There will a generation of men who were born in their 70's, 80's and even 90's who will have to accept a single life with dejections and rejections.

This is a reality, since no one mentions about this in the mainstream media, I chose to do the same.There is nothing that I can do, however I will be writing two additional posts giving my advice to these single Indian men and their parents and how they need to move and accept this single life.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and I promise to be back with a lot more.


How these feminist statements have ruined the lives of tens and thousands of Indian women-BHAVEEN SHETH DOTSIM-INDIAN MGTOW

Bhaveen Sheth the writer of this blog writes a post on one of the brainwashing techniques used by feminists and feminazis in India through affirmations and statements on single urban Indian women. These statements have had terrible consequences on the lives of tens and thousands of Indian women leaving them single into their 30's and 40's:

"Koi accha ladka to milna chaihye" (I should be able to find the right guy), I will settle down only when I find the right person, I am still to come across with my Mr.Perfect.  These are nothing but feminist statements made to India's women in order to force them to keep finding the right guy (who does not exist) and keep on rejecting every decent man they come across.

What has this lead to? Well, it has lead to tens and thousands of Indian women being single now in their 30's and 40's with limited chances of finding a soul mate. They are now branded as left over women who hardly have any takers. Telling the truth, Indian women are not strong enough to live a single independent life on their own, of course there are exceptions but then I would go with the law of the majority. On one side you are made to grow up with the fact that you will get married, have a loving husband, lovely children, a family and happy family life and on the other side you are not able to get married because of the thinking you have picked up from these feminist statements. This leads to women who have a conflict within themselves. This makes them very toxic.

I am not a misogynist or a patriarch but if I have to put the general opinion of the Indian society, I state that the single Indian woman has marital value till she is 30, after that she is  considered as an off the shelf product. Marital prospects decline after she crosses 30.Feminist statements make these women think that they are god's own creation and they are entitled to have the best man but in reality a majority of these women have their own fundamental flaws and shortcomings that they tend to overlook. In the process of rejecting men and marital prospects that come along, these women cross their marriageable ages. And now they are well into their 30's and 40's , living a single life filled with unhappiness, despair and gloom resigned to a life of loneliness. They fail to realize that if they had kept moderate expectations, things would have worked our and by now they would have been happily settled down.

This is the bitter truth about feminism and women's liberation. This has ruined the lives of tens and thousand of single Indian women living urban cities of India.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth-INDIAN MGTOW

Friday, December 1, 2017

Words of wisdom to all single Indian male IT Professionals from Qoura-BHAVEEN SHETH-INDIAN MGTOW

The single Indian male was browsing through some popular write-ups on quora.He cam across an interesting write up on advice to a single Indian male IT professionals on what they need to do in order to improve their personalities and become better human beings. Please find the tips written below:

Mostly for Male Software Engineers.
  1. The girl who comes to your seat with twinkle in her eyes is not interested in you. She wants to get the fucking work done. And she will not date for your favour. She thinks you're a wussy. 
  2. Most of you my friends including me have a rubbish and sloppy communication and weirdo accent. Get some training dude.
  3. Your dressing sense sucks. Date a fashion designer if it is all possible for you. Date? Yes. Don't wear formal pants with sneakers or sports shoes. It's not cool.
  4. Take care of personal hygiene. No wonder girls run away from you. Use some good perfume and make sure you eat mint after consuming tons of onion during lunch or after smoking.
  5. Make sure your tummy doesn't entice me to say that you're pregnant without delivery(PWD). Take care of your health my friend. It's important.
  6. Become interesting. Get a life outside GOT, LOTR, and many more. Read something about evolution. Read books by Matt Ridley, Robert Greene and Neil Strauss.
  7. If you think the girl you discreetly look over your desktop doesn't notice you then I am telling you that she knows. She thinks you're a pervert. If you like her go and tell her. She thinks you lack balls to ask her out.
  8. Those with 1% lucky smart genes and good built but bad accent and poor self image, if you think girls in India will drool over you because it happens in some deodorant advertisements, then arse off. It's India. No one will come to you and that's why that talkative, confident, ugly and smart ass friend of yours is sleeping with all the girls. You need to talk to her buddy to create some interest.
  9. The Pizza you're eating during unsolicited late stays at your office is the biggest cause of your growing waistline. Cut the crap and carb. You're acting like a greedy pig here.
  10. Cut down your time in front of idiot box and laptops and start going to gym for god sake. Learn some moves so that you don't embarrass yourself in the upcoming annual party dance. Your weird dance has already repelled so many girls from you. Specially the snake dance of yours.
I hope my readers especially the single Indian men from the IT sector will follow and implement the points mentioned above.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.


Sunday, November 26, 2017

What happens when you marry a woman from a different background-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

I would like to share a post written anonymously on the website qoura about how a man regrets his marriage and justifies it. In this long post written below, he shares his experiences and how he got married to a woman from a different background who has now created mayhem in his life.

Do you regret getting married?

Yes I do, every day. I’m a 35 year old Indian living in the United States and my wife is 31 and we have been married for 6 years.
My background
We had a very different upbringing though our families had similar backgrounds in terms of language, caste and so on.
We were a large family and my Dad had a low paying Government job in a big city and because of that we only had enough money to eat, pay rent and pay school fees. We lived in small rented houses, some houses had barely enough space for all us kids to sleep. My parents, siblings and I slept on floors on a half an inch thick straw mats. We never ate outside unless it was absolutely necessary or went to visit places and so on. Basically it was paycheck to paycheck existence. But despite living on a meagre income, my parents made sure that we went to decent schools and received good education which I did and landed in a well-paying job in IT. Obviously my parents were elated and we were on our way towards a better standard of living until a tragedy struck our family and left us devastated. Anyways my Mom’s dream was to have our own house and I did help my Mom realize her dream My Dad bought a piece of land and I took a home loan and built a nice house. Coming from a lower middle class family I was taught the value of money and even to this today I’m frugal by nature. I by no means a cheapskate though. As an example I bought my wife a Samsung Galaxy 8 while I still have my 4 year old Android. I let her drive the new car while I have 14 year old Mazda and we have traveled the length and breadth of the US and beyond. I always make sure we stay in decent hotels whenever we travel. While I hate jewelry, I have bought her thousands of dollars’ worth of gold and diamonds.
My parents also taught us to be humble, helpful, and respectful of every human being despite their background. Though we had a very modest living, they always used to tell us that there were millions of people that were worse off than us so let us be happy with what we have.
Her background
Though her dad was jobless when her parents got married, with the help of an uncle he landed a pretty decent job. I’m not sure how much her dad was being paid legally, but he made a lot of money illegally by siphoning off company funds and since his uncle was in a higher management position nobody could touch him. Her mom who is a very bossy and materialistic lady made more money by lending the money on high interest. At the same time they bought a lot of land and sold it for many times over during the real estate boom in India. Education to them was no priority and though my wife has “completed” her post-graduation she sometimes struggles to spell some of the simplest words or do the simplest math. Though her parents had a very modest upbringing they forgot their roots in no time. My wife and her brother were raised every differently than my siblings and I. They were given the best of gifts, took them to the best of the vacations, bought them nice cars and bikes but they were never taught to be humble, respectful and all other basic qualities in a human being. Long story short due to her background my wife is very materialistic, has no humility, she sometimes thinks that she is the center of the universe and everyone else was created to serve her and her family. She has a very cheap mindset as well, for instance if a friend gets invited to a party she is hosting and do not carry a gift or something, her attitude towards the friend would change drastically and she would not be friends with them anymore. I’m not kidding. I don’t even think she has any true friends either. I know of a lady who used to her classmate in school in India and she lives right across the street here in the US and she wouldn’t even talk to her. It’s because my wife doesn’t like the fact that her classmate has attained the same economic status as her when in school she was the one with the most money.
The Marriage
9 years ago, I moved to the US and few years later I decided to marry. I look back and think to myself how stupid I was. Most of my friends were shying away from marriage though they were being pressurized by parents and other family members. I wish I could go back in time and undo what I decided to do at that time. Anyways my parents saw that her family was very different from us and were taken aback and asked me not to marry her. Even my best friend asked me not to pursue this marriage.
But I was blindfolded by heaven knows what and decided to go against the wishes of my parents and married her. I wanted a very simple wedding so that I don’t burden her parents and also since I was a little socially awkward kind of person at that time, didn’t want to necessarily get married in front of a huge crowd. But my materialistic and glitzy wife wanted a lavish wedding and I couldn’t say no though I hated it and regret it even today. I’m like how many kids we could have educated with that money. That was the beginning of a long painful “discovering each other” phase. She loves to eat out in a fancy place every now and then and I generally like home cooked food, she loves taking pictures and I don’t. She wanted me to buy a brand new $30,000 car and I was like what’s wrong with my used Camry and the list goes on. We used to get into arguments obviously due to our differences. Anyways I gave her the best life I could though I was the only earner. Despite that she would not stop lamenting on how great her life was before her marriage.
Just before our first anniversary she had to go back to India to re-take a subject in her post-graduation that she had failed and after coming back she wanted me to apply for visitor visas for her parents so that they visit us and also travel within the US. I told her that let’s just wait for some time since I had a busy job schedule and also she had just returned from India and I was being a little selfish. My thought was to bring my parents first to the United States since they had given up so much to raise us and it was time for them to enjoy the world a little. I did even tell her clearly that I would like to invite my parents first. But she was adamant, though I tried to her explain her in many different ways and finally she had her way. Long story short I was so infuriated it turned me into an ***hole. I did make her parents feel that they were not welcome here which I regret it even today and get depressed thinking about how I behaved with them. There are other reasons as well why I did not want her parents, especially her mother to stay with us. As an example her mom told my wife on our first week of marriage right in front of me that it was good thing that my wife’s cousin did not bear a baby even after 15 years of marriage and she deserved it. How cruel can my mother-in-law be when she herself was a mother and had a daughter too? How would my wife’s cousin feel if she ever came to know that her own aunt wishes her bad? The worst part is how my MIL treats her own husband, I do feel very pity for my father in law. My mom did see this when she visited them before our marriage and very subtly told me about her mom’s deeds. But I promised her that my wife couldn’t be like her mother. How stupid I was…I do feel that my wife is turning into her mom LOL. But I did take her parents to visit all their relatives in the US and took them to visit many places. Once they left the US my wife and I visited India and while we were there, her parents pestered her to buy properties in their city since we had some money saved up in the US. One day my wife brought this up with me and my family and all my dad said was “You have to be a little careful when investing such large amounts in other cities since we don’t know much about the people we will be dealing with”. My wife did not like this statement and decided that we would not tell my parents about our plans to buy property and finally we bought a couple of properties and kept my parents in the dark. Eventually I did tell my parents about this and they did not utter a word, but I know how they could have felt inside. After all that they had done for me, I had treated them like outsiders.
After a couple of years of our marriage my wife wanted to have kids though I was not very keen at that point. But I was not opposed to having kids in anyway. We tried for a year or two with no results and finally decided to see a fertility specialist. It was getting very expensive as I did not have a very good health insurance and also they did not cover all of the fertility procedures. Being a single earner family with a huge loan I was a little concerned about the fertility procedures and shared my concerns with my wife and she did not like it. I did not want to stop the procedures just that I told her let’s wait for a few months before we go to the next visit. In the meantime, she came back to me and said that her parents are willing to bear the cost for the fertility treatments. I was like, “Honey, not even for once I told you that I needed money from someone else to cover the costs, all told you is that I just need some more time.” But even today she alleges that I had to interest in having a child since I had to spend a lot of money for the fertility treatments which is not true and she also claims that she had to struggle so much to have a baby while I showed no interest. In the meantime, though I did not like it, I did remind her about what her mom had told about her cousin while we were newly married. She would still defend her mom despite whatever she did and talked. We finally had a beautiful baby girl and she is the light of my life. I helped my wife in every way I could when she delivered the baby. I try to be the best father I can to my daughter, but my wife’s priorities are different. She wants me to take her on a World Tour, buy her expensive jewelry, buy property in her name yaada..yaada yaada yaada….and only then I can be the best husband and best father. She did me tell me something as a joke that no father would like to hear from his own wife and I brushed it off. If it was someone else in my place I’m pretty sure that would be the end of the marriage even though it was meant to be a joke. She can make jokes and insult others and laugh out loud, but she cannot take a simple joke made on her.
Don’t take me wrong. I’m no perfect husband or perfect human being, but I’m trying to get better every day. I’m moody, I get upset on trivial stuff sometimes, I must have said a thing or two to her parents, but I did not deserve this life. My parents visited us for a month or two when our daughter was born. This time it was her turn to take “revenge” for what I did to her parents many years ago even though I had reconciled with her parents and treated them well even they visited for the second time. My parents had a tough life, they had never asked me for money or anything but every now and then my wife would tell things like “Your parents only need money from you, and they really are not concerned about us”. My wife has access to all my bank accounts here in the US and in India and she knows how much money I’m sending them and how often. It’s been more than a year since I sent any money to my parents, they would still not ask me anything. I’m not making this up, though I’m in the US and earning well and I can afford to buy a car and employ a driver, my parents still travel by ordinary buses. Once when I told my wife that I would like to buy a car for my parents, she said it’s a waste of money. But she wants her parents to have all the luxuries. I bought her a very expensive gold necklace in India a couple of years ago, she wore it once and gave it to her Mom to keep without even asking me.
This is what infuriated me the most; during one of our little skirmishes, she had the guts to tell me that she “donated” the house my parents are living in India. The land the house was built in was purchased by my father, I had repaid almost 60% of the loan before I got married and the rest of the loan was repaid by money that I had invested in a ULIP scheme before marriage. She had “0” contribution towards the cost of building the house, yet she had the audacity to tell me that she “donated” it. Her reasoning is that everything I owned automatically became hers once I married her and since I had helped my parents build the house, she automatically became the owner and my parents were living at her mercy. Go figure. I do not whether to laugh or cry. I once gave my Mom a couple of gold bullion coins just to keep them safe and she would return it whenever I asked for it. The only mistake was I did not tell my wife this and after a couple of days she started yelling at me in public with people around and even her brother was around. Remember that she had given her Mom the expensive gold necklace that I had bought for her without even consulting me and I did not say a word. Sometimes she forgets that she is a woman and turns into a beast. She screams and yells at the top of her voice just to make her point. If I tell her to reduce her voice or to keep quiet or just calm down, she accuses me of making her voiceless. She does not understand the power of silence. Another day when I questioned her about something, she got agitated and after exchange of words she abused me and even went to the extent of calling me the equivalent of “Son of a *****” in our language while her father was around. I could not believe that she would call me “Son of a *****” even in my wildest dreams. I told her dad, he was indifferent and brushed it off. I was broken and clueless. This goes to show how her parents had raised her, it appears that they gave her everything she wanted except to imbibe some decency into her. Her parents don’t even dare to correct her when she did something like this.
Again I’m no perfect human being, but I do have a heart and I do care about people not just my kin, I try to be humble, learn from my mistakes and treat everybody the same regardless of their background. Someday If I ever make enough money I would to like sponsor deserving but poor kids for their education or a build a non-profit hospital where people need it most or help in any way I could to better other people’s lives. Of course I would take care of my family as well, but I wouldn’t dare tell my wife about my dreams since I know we are not in the same page and I don’t think she will ever change. Despite all that happened between us I did send her favorite cousin some money who had lost her job to get trained which helped her to get a better job. If someone from my family need financial help, I don’t think she will ever let me help them.
Doesn’t matter how much I try to keep her happy, she will never be content and keeps wanting more. I on the other hand try to be content with whatever we have and do not aspire much except that I be healthy both physically and mentally. Like my parents used to tell me there are millions of people in the world that don’t even have the basic necessities of life and we should consider ourselves lucky that we all the needs and wants of life and have an opportunity to help others. I always worry about my daughter and feel sad that I cannot raise her on my terms and I just hope that she is not selfish, greedy, overly materialistic, jealous, irresponsible, pompous, arrogant, ungrateful and obnoxious like her mother.
I don’t dare tell her this but I hate to go back home but I have to go as a responsible Father and Husband. Every day I regret getting married to this woman, but I cannot get out of it. I always think about the impact it will have on my daughter. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in a jail that I created.
My two cents to all those young people who want to get married.
Do not rush for marriage. Take your time and make sure that you both are compatible and you are 100% sure that she/he is the one for you.
Do not ignore suggestions or feedback from parents, siblings and other well-wishers.
Usually it is better to get married with similar backgrounds and lifestyles. I know we are not picking cherries here, but it does help.
In India, as funny as it sounds we don’t get married just to one person, but an entire family so you’ll have to decide if you can get along with the family as well.
Discuss about your dreams and aspirations and follow your heart and most importantly your mind.
Stay pragmatic and discuss finance.

The advice offered above can be very helpful for many single Indian men looking to get married.I guess looking at the marriage above many wise Indian men have started following the MGTOW way, live happily, grow and build wealth.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.