DEALING WITH LONELINESS

Loneliness is  one thing that affects a lot of singletons. This is a kind of a malady that becomes chronic in evenings, weekends and public holidays.

In this blog post, I, Bhaveen Sheth, the Single Indian man writes down my own experiences on dealing with loneliness.It is not easy dealing with loneliness, it was never easy and it will never be easy. However over the years living alone has made me a stronger person.

There is an old saying that goes by stating that an ideal mind is a devil's workshop.Many single Indian men living alone take up bad and evil habits in order to deal with loneliness. I have avoided this path and can proudly say that I am living a single life filled with hobbies and creativity.

My deep interests in reading and writing keeps me engaged. Movies and American television series are my secondary passions and I love to watch them during my free time.

I believe that every person needs to find a higher meaning in his life, a meaning in which he feels that he can make a difference.Some may find it their chosen vocation while others may find it outside. I strongly stand for men's rights in India and have a dream of becoming a spokesperson for a men's rights group.

Being a veteran in living alone for a long time ( now almost 17 years), I focus on my health and well being. After all there is no one who will take care of me. I try eating properly and exercise regularly. There are times when i am not able to keep up my daily schedule but still I try.I don't want to look like those middle aged uncles with pot bellies hanging.I idolise Milind Soman and want to look like him when I turn 50, athletic, fit and fabulous.he is my inspiration behind. running marathons.

Mastering life skills is very important for all of us who are staying alone. While I am able to manage a house independently, I am still struggling with the fine art of cooking.I have decided that when I relocate some where else, I will rent a flat preferably 1 BHK and learn cooking skills on my own.There in no point in surviving on mess, parcels and takeouts for your entire life.

To overcome loneliness one needs to set a new goal that has to be achieved. When your mind in occupied in trying to achieve something, you don't get affected by loneliness.So it is always that new movie that I have to watch, a new skill that I need to learn, a new place to visit, new books to read and movies to download.Never get bothered by the negativity and toxicity of loneliness.There are times when I feel sad and I am sure many single men do the same. There are ups and downs but when faced with such kind of situations, try not to get affected by it. In my case I try to pick up a book and read.

Over the years i have stopped having hopes of getting married. If I am to meet my soulmate , it will happen, however i cannot associate that one event of my life with happiness.People call me selfish and materialistic for not getting married and I hardly care.There is no shortage of women in this country especially amongst the 30 plus urban educated class.Do a demographic study and you will find a large number of 30 and 40 plus single, never married, separated, divorced single women and one doesn't need to chase them around, it is they who are desperately looking out for men.

And finally last but not the least, I have stopped visiting places or attending social functions that remind me of being a single left out person. There is a post that i plan to write on why I stopped attending marriages, so you can expect to read it later. I tend to visit places/events that celebrate individualism and solo life.

Ending this post, I would like to state that living  alone and dealing with loneliness is a big challenge especially in India. However one needs to find his own way to happiness.

This Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be aback with a lot more.

I AM SINGLE NOT A LOSER

This blog spot is dedicated to many single Indian men who have chosen to remain single either out of choice or destiny and to the divorced and separated men who have chosen never to marry again. This write up is for strengthening our resolve and give a befitting reply to the society that treats us like failures and losers.

In India, marriage defines an individual, both men and women. By a certain age one has to get married and if that does not happen , one has to be ready to face the criticism from the society.

At 34 (and just some months before I turn 35), I am called a loser :a man who failed to find a suitable match, a man who is still not married, not settled and does not have children.

It is very easy to brand a 30 or 40 year plus single Indian man a loser. People have even given me other names for remaining single, I am called commitment phobic, irresponsible, immature, negative and pessimistic. I am sure many single Indian men who are currently reading this post would have also faced similar situations.

Seriously!! Please tell me one thing: What makes me and men of my kind losers? I am sure you have no answer. Presently I am single and happy living a solo life. I have still not come across someone with whom I can make a connection.But I am not breaking any law, am I ?

Unlike frustrated single Indian men, I am content with myself, I enjoy my own company, take myself out to dinners and movies regularly. I pursue my hobbies and passions rigorously. Does that make me a loser?

And does marriage hold any importance in today's society these days?Are people happily married the way they claim in social media? I seriously have my doubts.

When did that one institution make someone a winner/loser. Just because I don't have a woman by my side does not make me a dork.

Individualism in India has never been respected. Anyone who is happily living a single life is considered selfish. But the society does not rest at that. It goes further in branding single Indian men as failures.This term has been concocted by the Indian feminists and feminazis who don't want any single Indian man to feel adequate. Amazingly ,a single Indian woman in glorified. She is labelled as a strong, educated,modern, liberated 21st century woman. It looks like the Indian feminists are insecure about many Indian Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). They are scared that a day will come when Indian men will not consider these modern urban single women for marriage.

So what do the feminists do? They make a term called LOSER and use their good offices in the media to spread the message that all single Indian men are losers.

The fact is that the so called real loser Indian men get married by hook or by crook. Their parents do their best to get a suitable matrimonial alliance for them. Intelligent mature Indian men take a rational decision of remaining single after a lot of thought.These are the facts.

I end this blog with a quote:

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Just because we are orphans doesn't mean we don't have the right to live a normal life

In this blogspot, I would like to put my feelings on behalf of many orphans like me who are denied the right to live a dignified life by the Indian society.

There are times when I wonder whether that India as a country in general and Indian society in particular denies a dignified life to its orphaned people.

We all know what happens to orphan children on streets, I don't need to say more. But there are many who work hard and make a life for themselves , achieving success single handedly with no support or help. And yet they are denied a dignified life by the Indian society which only thinks that dignity is to be accorded to people who belong to a RESPECTABLE FAMILY.

As self made men we are not respectable just because we don't have a family who can represent us. The society for some reason believes in segregating us and having us quarantined. Social exclusion is an unspoken rule that the society follows in our case.

And we are humans too. Why do people forget that. We were also someone's children. Is it our fault that we lost our parents? Is it our fault that our destiny was bad? Aren't we human beings? What wrong have we done that we get such a sub human and inhuman treatment?

We also have aspirations, dreams and feelings. We wish to connect, we wish to be included and we seek validation. We also aspire for a spouse, family, children and happiness, we crave for human touch, we want someone to reach out to our disturbed lonely souls and make us feel human. But what we get is rejection and denial. People don't think twice before insulting and humiliating us. Eventually we give up and move on with living our lives.

And when we go about minding our own lives, we are again criticised for living a wayward single life.So here I make a clear point to many men of my kind. We have the right to live our lives, go ahead, backpack, travel, watch movies, take yourself to a good restaurant, read good books and improve the quality of your life. Because the Indian society does not want us and we should not expect anything form it either. But remember, we should not stop living a life of fulfilment and happiness just because we are orphans.

At 34 being single

As I age and add an extra candle to my birthday cake, I write down my thoughts and feelings in this blogspot.

I am now approaching my mid 30's. Life is going on.My juniors are now getting married and peers are raising a family. At this point of life I have overcome the challenges that solo living puts in front of me.No longer desperate to get married, I now focus on improving the quality of my life everyday. Women no longer interest me and marriage may now be an unrealized dream. Focus is on self improvement and self development has become an integral part of my life.

There are times when I feel lonely, sad and alone:I feel that I have been left out from living a normal life.Did not get married, do not have a spouse and have not fathered a child. Yes, I go through such times. But every morning when I wake up , I look forward at contributing something to the world, look forward to improve my life, look forward at a better future.That is when I realized that I am happy being single.

I no longer dream of meeting that beautiful soul mate.If some were to happen, it will happen, why should I bother?Many single women that I come across have extremely high expectations even in their 30's and rest of them are divorcees, widows, single moms, the dejected and rejected. Who wants to marry conceited and depressed women?

Creating meaningful relationships with people is more important for me. I have realized my sociability quotient, people love my company and often invite me to their homes for lunch and dinner. It makes me happy.

As I look over the past 34 years, my life has been good, there have been ups and downs, good times and bad times and I have accepted it.There is still a lot to achieve, miles to go and places to travel. I have not given up hope on finding a soul mate, however, I have become more pragmatic and practical.I look forward to what life has to offer and am willing to take the challenges head on.