Different that this post may be and weird that it may sound, the single Indian male would like to discuss this untouched topic.
Marriage is common topic of discussion in every single Indian household. For a bride, her parents take it as a burden, a kind of responsibility to fulfill and a point to tick off their checklist of responsibilities.
However for a groom, it is a matter of pride for his parents. The thought of getting their son married (sometime the only son), the pride in society, the expectation of a subservient duty bound daughter in law who will take care the whole family and not to forget the dream of becoming a grandparent.
Dreams,dreams and more dream!!!!!!! In India, it is really sad that people live more in a dream world rather than being pragmatic. And how can they be, when one grows on the staple diet of Yash Raj/Karan Johar movies and sitcoms made by Ekta Kapoor, the touch with reality is lost. I would say that a lot of are practically paralyzed.
But what makes a grooms parents desperate in the first place????? In traditional Indian society a grooms parents always had their head held high more out of arrogance than pride, it is they who would call the shots and dictate terms. A brides parents would be at their wits end often begging and pleading in front of the whole world.
But the times have changed, with the advent of the 21st century there has been the rise of the modern Indian woman, smart, intellectual, educated, holding good jobs. Also with the skewed sex ratio compared to males, it is the women who now have to choose and sometimes even reject a lot of suitors.
Again in the rat race of marriage, the competent men win , while the average losers are left out. I will not discuss much on the comptent successful Indian men. This blog post is for the average men who are left out which ends up making their parents desperate.
So who are these guys???? Hmmm, well the regular men whom you find in your neighborhood or locality. the normal Ram or Shankar holding a bachelors degree who got some mediocre coveted job, mostly with the government, a son from an upper middle class business family (who otherwise happens to be a looser),even dactar sahaabs and engineeerring betas who may be good at their work but are very poor with social skills, the jobless lafanga betas who have now reached a marriageable age.
These men keep on getting rejected in the matrimonial market. Its just that the fair looking beautiful women don't want them (I don't blame them). Parents use each and every tool available in the matrimonial market, the newspaper ads, ads in their community magazines, online matrimonial s, social relations, picking out suitable matches at social functions and even visiting temples to scout for suitable matches but all in vain. They end up without any results.
And then the desperation starts, the son is getting older, all his friends and colleagues are getting married, relatives children are also married, some relatives and friends of their peer group have now turned into a grandparents happily playing with their grandchildren,the son is increasingly growing desperate as he is not able to fulfill his long standing carnal desires.Ohhhh and not to forget the reactions when asked " What about your son?? Why is he still single??? Some problem ,hahhaahhaahhaaahahahha
There is an old saying that "In desperation, you end up negotiating with the devil".
The same applies in this case. When desperation crosses its limits, the bride search grows more vigorous. And one fine day, the groom's parents zero down on a girl and realize that she is the woman of the dreams of their son.Many hide real details of about their son's, they don't tell the truth, thinking that after marriage the girl will accept the man. They don't even see if there is any compatibility existing in between the couple. All they want is a marriage that in a fact as the tatkaal passport service or tatkaal train reservation ticket.
A marriage is conducted and the couple settle down in their daily lives. This is where the problem arises. The bride finds it difficult to adjust, some of them had higher dreams and expectations, some just felt that they were cheated or lied to and a lot more.
A vicious cycle of retribution starts, the bride files cases under 498 Sec A, domestic violence act and later seeks full alimony compensation under the hindu marriage act.
The grooms parents are hit by a bolt of the blue, completely devastated, they loose money, property reputation. What follows is a series of endless visits to police stations, courts and a lawyers office. Health and happiness go for a toss. And even if things do get settled , it leaves the entire family heart broken and even penniless having lost everything, and there is more to loose by paying alimony in installmments.
At this point I would like to intervene and say that "Is getting your son married so important that you will do anything for it?" " Is it a problem if you don't see your son married?" " Do you have to become a grandparent"? " Can't you happily enjoy your old age with peace and solitude"?? "Why do you search for women belonging to your caste, creed, community and religion"? "Why do you only want a fair and good looking bride, when your so is a below average looker?" " Why do you keep high expectations form your son's marriage"?
"Have you ever told you son to improve himself (habits, grooming, personality, education)?" "Have you corrected the behavior of your son"?
Well, you may find it difficult to answer the above questions. Its difficult to accept inherent flaws in your own son, but you will have to eventually.
My request is that please read the two links posted below for better understanding the situation!!!!!
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