Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Are today's urban singles actually desperate and miserable?-DOTSIM-BHAVEEN HETH

A few days ago I read this article on social media titled as "How India's cool singles are actually more miserable than ever" written by Mr.Sanjay Austa.

I agree with him that today's singles are actually living a miserable life.They may claim and proclaim that they are living the moment and don't need a man or a woman to support them and a lot more bullshit.But the truth is that internally many are unhappy with their single status.

In India, once your cross 30, marriage prospects fall down disproportionately.It is more difficult for a female to seek a mate.Men don't have an easy chance either.Both genders look out for suitable mates only to hit a dead end with no progress ahead.

In our society no one prepares you for living a solo life.You are constantly brainwashed about finding your soulmate with whom you will live ever after.Many singles are not emotionally strong to live a solo life, they don't want to be single forever and are desperately seeking a spouse no matter what they say.

Desperation levels are so high that these singles try to find a potential soul mate at each and every place, it can be the office, apartments, gymnasium, pubs and even coffee shops. This is the level of desperation.

The author Sanjay Austa states that there is no one who is truly single in India.I would like to counter his statement by saying that there are genuine and authentic single people living in India.There are men and women who have made the decision to live solo after a lot of deliberation.There are singles on whom wisdom dawned upon at an early age and they decided to live single.They decided and even planned their lives in that manner.Accepting single hood wholeheartedly is the first most important battle to be one.Gradually over the years they have negotiated their way in the society which is prejudiced and discriminatory towards single people.These people know how to spend their time by engaging themselves in creative and social activities.They are strong enough to deal with problems and difficulties.

Coming back to the desperate miserable single , fact be stated that they are not truly single as the ones I have mentioned in the above paragraph. These people keep whining about their single status. Single women keep making impractical statements like "Koi accha to milna chahiye" (I should come across some decent man), the single men have this entitlement syndrome, just because they are well qualified and earn a decent salary, they deserve the most beautiful women, add to that is the family expectation that the girl should give up her job and career and become a housewife. Some of these men don't find any suitable matches and keep on getting rejected by potential women, either their behavior is abnormal or they are not the presentable kind.Sky high expectation amongst both the genders is the reason why we find a rising population of 30 plus singletons.The second reason is the unwillingness to compromise. How do you expect to get hitched when you happen to be so inflexible.It is seems that pragmatism has become a casualty of our times. Superficial attributes and face value have become the most important criteria for considering a soul mate.Where are those day when people courted each other with no expectations.

We have 90 percent miserable singletons both men and women living in India.You still see them shacked up in their parent's homes in spite of being in their 30s and 40s. They don't posses any life skills. Speaking about the single men, they live with their parents, go to work, come home ,eat food, watch television and go to sleep.They don't have any hobbies and engagements, they have never traveled solo beyond the confines of their cities.While they may say that they are happily living a solo life, their parents (and sometimes they themselves) are looking out and meeting some potential woman in order to get married. Yaaa, they do want to get married.

And now the talk on the single women. They are nowhere close to the ones whom you would have seen in the famous American TV sitcoms  like "Sex and the city" and "Friends". Many of them are narrow minded and traditional. They too are shacked up in their parents homes or are sharing apartments with like minded single girlies.They too are living a mediocre life of going about doing their jobs and earning a living and like the single men they are equally miserable.You will see these women at beauty salons, gyms and shopping malls blowing up their hard earned money trying to look good and buying useless and unwanted things just to fulfill their shopping itch. Forget about traveling solo, for all the feminism and empowerment they speak of, they can't muster up the courage of crossing the  geographical limits of their cities on their own. Ohhh, I forgot to mention, they can't cook, yes , you heard it right they can't handle the kitchen.It is either their moms or their housemaids who are cooking for them and handling the house and if for some reason the mother falls sick or the house maid does not come for a day, all hell breaks loose.You will find such women,plenty of them on tinder and online matrimonial sites, all looking out for companionship and marriage.

These people are not really single, they are just pretending to be single because they don't want to be looked upon an unmarriageable or matrimonially disadvantaged.

Being truly single is a different thing.It is about focusing on oneself , looking inwardly and improving on a day to day basis.It is about having hobbies and engaging oneself after office hours.Truly single people travel solo to different places in order to order to gain experience and get a better perspective about life.They make meaningful relationship with people, have engaging conversations with the opposite gender ,have relationships with them.Truly single people do not lament on their single hood, they celebrate it.Truly single people accept themselves for who they are, they don't need someone to validate them.Truly single people are sane and have a sense of equanimity. Skilfully navigating through the tortuous path of the Indian society can only be done by truly single people.Truly single people openly defy and resist the institution of marriage in their own creative way and become an admirable example for others.

And as India has a rising urban population of single people in their 30s and 40, the truly single people are a minority and a majority are made of people who are miserably single.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.