Confessions of ineligible Indian bachelors: The orphans and children from separated and dysfunctional families

Bhaveen Sheth speaks for the ineligible Indian bachelors-The orphaned and the ones from separated and dysfunctional families.

Who are we??? What are we??? This is a question that we often ask ourselves everyday.

In my case, I am an orphan who does not have parents and for others who are reading this post are either born into dysfunctional families or come from separated families.There is even a term for this, some sociologists call it fractured families.

Everyone reading this blog post needs to understand that our childhoods have been extremely difficult, but in spite of all our problems we have managed to survive. Today many of us have made enormous professional accomplishments and hold jobs in reputed institutions.

But in spite of all our achievements and accomplishments we have never fully been accepted by the Indian society.

The message is loud and clear. In India no matter what you do, what you become , it is not your individuality but your family background that matters. Like all  normal men and women in this country , we too dreamed of finding a life partner , we too dreamed of getting married and having a loving and caring family of our own.

All those dreams, all those desires , all those aspirations came down falling like a pack of cards.It gradually came to our realization that in order to get married , one needed to belong to a decent family. Education and professional success did not matter, it was only your family background that decided who and what you were.

But what family can we represent? In my case there is none. For those who have left their dysfunctional families for good, it is extremely difficult , same applies to the ones who come from separated families. For those who have been bought up single mothers are always questioned on the absence of the head in the family.

What have we become??? The unwanted and the outcast!!!! To some extent our loved ones left us and to another extent we left our loved ones.

Our friends and colleagues have now got married and we observe,   we have observed these events as a mute spectator. On different social media sites we get to see uploaded photos of our friends, classmates, college mates getting engaged, getting married, going on a honey moon.and we remain silent observers.

No one thinks about us , no one considers us.

The state of ignominy that we are subjected to is terrible." You have no parents!!! How can I give my daughter to such a person???"You left your own family for good because there were serious problems? And you think that you will have a stable marriage?" " You say that your parents are separated?? And how can I get my daughter married to such a person?"After all we have a family reputation to maintain?"

"What is it like to  be made to feel abnormal in-spite of being normal?"How is it to feel like to be an outcast in-spite of having worked very hard and done your best to fit in.

But we take thing in our stride and continue to live our lives. We have accepted things with stoicism.

And as I finish writing this blog , there are a turn of events happening in this country involving people like us.

Somewhere an educated orphan is looking for his/her soul mate on an online matrimonial site but he is still not getting lucky.Till date he has faced nothing but rejections.Somewhere a man/woman who has left his/her dysfunctional family years ago is is getting ready to meet the parents of his/her loved one thinking  what he/she were going to say if questioned on his/her family background.Somewhere there is a middle aged single mother who is constantly worrying that who will marry her daughter.Some where there is a man who has been neglected , forsaken and abandoned because his/her parents chose to go on separate paths leaving this child alone.Somewhere there is a young single mother who is working very hard to achieve a work life balance and has just put her daughter to sleep wondering whether she will ever have a soul mate who will love her and take care of her. But she knows that in this society a single mother has limited chances of getting married.

And somewhere there is an orphan like me who has given up all hope on the institution called marriage.

So this is the confession , confession that bhaveen sheth, the single Indian man states on behalf of other orphans and members who come from separated and dysfunctional families.

This is Bhaveen Sheth singing of for the day , will be back with a lot more

A common Indian man's answer to the feminist brigade of India

Open magazine published an article  titled as "An open letter to the Indian man" Its content was filled with misandry. Please see the link below:

http://www.openthemagazine.com/article/voices/an-open-letter-to-the-indian-man

One common Indian man has written a brilliant answer to the write. Please read the same below:


Respected Ma'am (Ms Tishani Doshi),

How are we men going to even be able to HIGHLIGHT our genuine issues & difficulties, when MOST of the feminists, media, governments, etc, accuse us of being misogynists, mansplainers, violation apologists, etc, when we do so?

The first time I ever heard about your name, was when I was in Class XI in school, in one of the chapters of NCERT English textbook, that dealt with your experiences of the journey to the continent of Antarctica. I am also an avid reader of your articles that appear in the Magazine issues of The New Sunday Express publication of The New Indian Express.

I am an ordinary guy who has been researching on gender issues for the past few years, on the media & the internet. I read a lot of newspapers, magazines and books; & also watch TV shows & movies. I have browsed through several misogynist & misandric websites on the internet. I, personally, consider myself to be an ''Egalitarian'' or ''Equalist'', and I genuinely understand that there are both good & bad things in modern feminism movements.

Ma'am, with all due respect, I understand the genuine difficulties that women & girls have faced throughout history. I also understand some of the genuine difficulties that even men & boys have faced throughout history. I don't want to sound myself like a conspiracy theorist, but it is true that our modern world has been under the oppressive control of powerful people, global elites, governments, corporations, etc, since a few hundred years ago, and it still continues to happen.

Yes, although mostly men have been (& somewhat continue to be) in powerful political positions (with some exceptions & uncertain futures), most modern men & boys of this world (particularly those from the middle-class, working-class & poor categories) are NOT in positions of privilege, power, economic richness, leaderships, & so on. Of course, women & girls DESERVE to be properly empowered, helped, funded, resourced & so on, but NOT at the cost of innocent men & boys of this world! Both discriminations AND reverse-discriminations are bad.

Yes, most of the violent crimes such as murders, killings, etc, are usually committed by men. BUT, at the same time, MOST of the victims of violence are also men & boys. Even then, I sincerely hope (& the governments & societies are doing their best also) to empower women & girls in almost all spheres of life & works, including STEM, Sports, Media, Businesses, Politics, Entrepreneurships, Medicine, Healthcare, & so on. Moreover, women & girls should also be protected from sexual issues & violence. But again, NOT at the costs of innocent men & boys of this world. In the above-mentioned fields, the payments should be equal & the representations should be 50:50. It should be considered EQUALLY wrong if women earn MORE or dominate.

However, there is a need to understand that not all men & boys are privileged. Human males are still considered to be disposable, by society & governments, because they don't have wombs, and hence, can't give birth to continue the species. Also, there are SEVERAL fields of highly-paying professions, works & industries, that are heavily female-dominated; where men & boys are drastically under represented & under-paid. Some of them are as follows: Fashion, Modelling, Arts, Culture, Dancing, Glamour, Media, Cosmetics, Anime, Gymnastics, Yoga, Travel, Living, Lifestyles, Advertisements, Commercials, Television Shows, Soap Operas, Pornography, Social Media, Theatre, Performing Arts, & so on!

Moreover, MOST of the visual & vocal media fields are dominated by women & girls; proofs of which are in the newspapers, TV channels, magazines, ads, commercials, social media websites, internet, etc, wherein MOST of the videos, photos, images, etc, are of MOSTLY women & girls. Also, women & girls are viewed, liked, followed, tagged, etc, much, much more than men & boys, which results in MUCH more ads & revenues for female bloggers, writers, authors, uploaders, models, actresses, content producers, & so on.

On top of these things, we have SO MANY women-only & girls-only schools, colleges, scholarships, funding, social programs, NGOs, NPOs, Government facilities, gyms, clubs, bars, sports clubs, special loans, special entrepreneurship grants, financial facilities, taxis, kiosks, rooms, toilets, hotels, travelling & tourism facilities, education programs, fashion shows, modelling ventures, dancing schools, gymnastics schools, yoga centers, & so on. Just by doing simple search on Google, we can see HUGE NUMBERS of search results for female-only facilities, while little or nothing for male-only facilities.

Also, a LOT of feminist people & groups HEAVILY support genocides against human males, male population reductions, castrations, emasculations, abortions of only male fetuses, violence only against men & boys, & so on. I don't want to unnecessarily take names of those people or groups, but they are there. Things like males should be 10% of the human population, to International Castration Day, to #killallmen campaigns on Twitter, Femitheist Divine groups, & so on, are planning doing EXACTLY what radical groups throughout history (like Nazis, fascists, etc), have done.

Since the inception of humankind & human species on this planet, almost ALL the categories of poor, working-class, homeless, diseased, middle-class, disabled, etc, kinds of people (irrespective of gender), were HEAVILY oppressed. Plus, due to lack of modern advancements in sciences & technologies, coupled with heavy influences of religions, myths, superstitions, beliefs, etc, women & girls, ALONG with men and boys, were oppressed, denied rights, abused, harmed, etc, in DIFFERENT ways. Throughout history, MOSTLY men have died fighting wars, building civilizations, developing infrastructures, cities, buildings, electricity, & so on, since CENTURIES, so that our modern & future generations could live comfortably. Throughout history, most societies were slightly more male-dominated & patriarchal, PRIMARILY because human beings had not developed advanced sciences & technologies during those times. And since women & girls were somewhat physically less strong, coupled with their complicated reproductive issues (pregnancy, menstruation, etc), men & boys had to ''get out & do work'' more often. That's why, most of the scientific inventions, discoveries, researches, developments, civilizations, constructions, arts, literature, etc, were done by men. Throughout history, MOSTLY men have died defending our countries' borders, so that the people could be protected & safe enough to live comfortably. Due to lack of advanced sciences & technologies, COUPLED with the facts that women & girls had complicated reproductive systems, men & boys were FORCED to get EDUCATED, work hard, fight wars, sacrifice their lives, PROVIDE for their families & children, and so on, while women & girls were kept almost COMFORTABLE & PROTECTED in their homes, areas, nations, buildings, countries, and so on. Throughout history, almost ALL nations, national icons, goddesses, flags, etc, have been FEMALE, with references to motherlands, female icons, liberty, justice, freedom, laws, etc, almost ALL being related & referenced to MOSTLY females. Throughout history, MOSTLY men & boys have been killed due to murders, suicides, homicides, wars, battles, protests, revolutions, diseases, & so on. Throughout history, MOSTLY men & boys were FORCED to work in inhuman working conditions, doing DANGEROUS jobs in factories, heavy industries, mining, laborious jobs, construction jobs, hazardous chemical jobs, & several more. And they even continue to do so, during these modern times. Throughout history, property was passed through men, because men were NOT considered worthy of EVEN LIVING, without having properties & resources. Throughout history (& even today), ONLY men were (& are) considered to be disposable (due to lack of wombs to continue the species), and therefore, were FORCED to die in wars, sinking ships, doing dangerous & hazardous jobs, etc. Throughout history, ONLY women & girls were considered worthy of love, affection, romance, emotions, etc, and were HEAVILY protected by men & their families. With regards to abortion of female fetuses in patriarchal countries, yes, unfortunately some parts of those things were (& are true), but in the modern world, even MALE FETUSES are also being aborted in several countries. Humans have unlocked advanced scientific technologies, ONLY RECENTLY. THAT IS WHY, women & girls have been empowered properly. Earlier, MOSTLY men were the machines, workers, sufferers, sacrificers, disabled, & so on. Even today, the trends & attitudes towards men & boys have NOT changed AT ALL.

Then you have things like radical feminism, lesbian separatism, etc, that focus ONLY on destroying the lives of men & boys. Moreover, you have almost ALL forms of media, news, books, magazines, newspapers, internet, etc, including SEVERAL internet websites, like The Atlantic, The Guardian, The Huffington Post, Salon, Slate, Mother Jones, Business Insider, BBC, CNN, The Independent, NY times, NY Daily News, Yahoo!, TIME, etc, that preach, nearly EVERY SINGLE DAY, the following kinds of things:-

The End Of Men; Are Fathers Necessary; Are Men Necessary; Are all men rapists after all; The New World Order; Imagine Matriarchy; Girls Outperform boys in schools, colleges & education systems; Women are better leaders; Women are stronger; Women are better CEOs; Women can do everything, but men can't do anything; Women are more natural; Women are the fairer sex; Women are better at multitasking; Women have more efficient brains; Women are the superior sex; Women are more peaceful; Women can't do anything wrong; I bathe in male tears; Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them; Men are the new ball & chain; Women earning more money than men is FAIR; women are better listeners; women can do everything, while men can't do anything; etc, etc, etc, & SO ON. How modern men & boys going to even SURVIVE are based on these kinds of depressing, shameful, derogative & illogical forms of media & social propaganda?

PLUS, male worship of gods is considered to be extremely sexist, BUT the HUGE amounts of female worships of Indian goddesses, mothers, kanya pujans, navrathris, etc, is NOT considered to be sexist AT ALL! Also, on a side note, it's not healthy to play the ''womb privilege card'' by referring to ALL women to first consider themselves before their sons. It's extremely damaging & discriminatory to do that. They should consider both themselves, and their offspring, EQUALLY, provided that they are healthy, law-abiding citizens, of course.

Now, you will call me a misogynist for pointing these out. But, to be honest, I have nothing against women & girls achieving their dreams; earning lots of wealth & resources; getting credited & recognized for their achievements, becoming leaders, & so on. My only concern, is that, we should be empowering ALL people, irrespective of their gender or sociological & economic backgrounds, by moving on from the bad things that have happened in the past, rather than unnecessarily carrying out various forms of REVERSE-DISCRIMINATIONS against innocent men & boys of this world.

Thank you ma'am, for reading this comment.

Being Self Centered does not mean being selfish

Bhaveen Sheth, the single Indian man clarifies on being self centered

As the single Indian male,I,  Bhaveen Sheth is often accused of being a selfish person.My critics have stated that I am self obsessed narcissist who just wants to live for himself. Some of my detractors have criticized me for being an irresponsible self indulgent person who wants to run away form the challenges of life rather than facing them head on.

WHY???? Well because I am now in my early 30's and unmarried, that's why???

So here I voice my opinion , not only for myself but for many single Indian men who are in their 30's and are not intending to get married.

There is a big difference in being selfish and being self centered.What I fail to understand is why does the Indian society put so much emphasis on getting married and associating this (un)holy institution with being a responsible person!!!!

Do married Indian men play the role of a responsible husband and father???? I seriously have my doubts?????

So why are we single Indian men labelled as selfish just because we do not want to share our lives with a woman???