Bhaveen Sheth speaks for the ineligible Indian bachelors-The orphaned and the ones from separated and dysfunctional families.
Who are we??? What are we??? This is a question that we often ask ourselves everyday.
In my case, I am an orphan who does not have parents and for others who are reading this post are either born into dysfunctional families or come from separated families.There is even a term for this, some sociologists call it fractured families.
Everyone reading this blog post needs to understand that our childhoods have been extremely difficult, but in spite of all our problems we have managed to survive. Today many of us have made enormous professional accomplishments and hold jobs in reputed institutions.
But in spite of all our achievements and accomplishments we have never fully been accepted by the Indian society.
The message is loud and clear. In India no matter what you do, what you become , it is not your individuality but your family background that matters. Like all normal men and women in this country , we too dreamed of finding a life partner , we too dreamed of getting married and having a loving and caring family of our own.
All those dreams, all those desires , all those aspirations came down falling like a pack of cards.It gradually came to our realization that in order to get married , one needed to belong to a decent family. Education and professional success did not matter, it was only your family background that decided who and what you were.
But what family can we represent? In my case there is none. For those who have left their dysfunctional families for good, it is extremely difficult , same applies to the ones who come from separated families. For those who have been bought up single mothers are always questioned on the absence of the head in the family.
What have we become??? The unwanted and the outcast!!!! To some extent our loved ones left us and to another extent we left our loved ones.
Our friends and colleagues have now got married and we observe, we have observed these events as a mute spectator. On different social media sites we get to see uploaded photos of our friends, classmates, college mates getting engaged, getting married, going on a honey moon.and we remain silent observers.
No one thinks about us , no one considers us.
The state of ignominy that we are subjected to is terrible." You have no parents!!! How can I give my daughter to such a person???"You left your own family for good because there were serious problems? And you think that you will have a stable marriage?" " You say that your parents are separated?? And how can I get my daughter married to such a person?"After all we have a family reputation to maintain?"
"What is it like to be made to feel abnormal in-spite of being normal?"How is it to feel like to be an outcast in-spite of having worked very hard and done your best to fit in.
But we take thing in our stride and continue to live our lives. We have accepted things with stoicism.
And as I finish writing this blog , there are a turn of events happening in this country involving people like us.
Somewhere an educated orphan is looking for his/her soul mate on an online matrimonial site but he is still not getting lucky.Till date he has faced nothing but rejections.Somewhere a man/woman who has left his/her dysfunctional family years ago is is getting ready to meet the parents of his/her loved one thinking what he/she were going to say if questioned on his/her family background.Somewhere there is a middle aged single mother who is constantly worrying that who will marry her daughter.Some where there is a man who has been neglected , forsaken and abandoned because his/her parents chose to go on separate paths leaving this child alone.Somewhere there is a young single mother who is working very hard to achieve a work life balance and has just put her daughter to sleep wondering whether she will ever have a soul mate who will love her and take care of her. But she knows that in this society a single mother has limited chances of getting married.
And somewhere there is an orphan like me who has given up all hope on the institution called marriage.
So this is the confession , confession that bhaveen sheth, the single Indian man states on behalf of other orphans and members who come from separated and dysfunctional families.
This is Bhaveen Sheth singing of for the day , will be back with a lot more
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