When the Indian marriage system reminds me of being an orphan

In the tenth series of this post, I write on how the Indian marriage system reminds me of my orphan status.This write up is the story of my life. Those who have been reading my blog posts already know that I am an orphan. I don't need any sympathy for that. I am content with my life being a self made man having slogged on my own all by myself and made it on the professional front.

 

Work and personal engagements make me forget bitter experiences associated with my past. I try my best to remain happy.But there is this one thing that reminds me about my orphan status, time and again. The matter of distress for me is marriage. At 34, I am often questioned on my single status. I don't bother. But there are times when I do crave for some companionship, for love, for someone to be my side.

But  what chance do I have as an orphan? Marriage has been an uphill task for me. A potential marriage alliance reminds me  that I am an orphan with no family. In my case my trustworthiness is the first casualty. No one trusts me.Whenever I speak about my past, I have to relive those moments when I lost my family and the subsequent hardships that I had to  face. No one accepts me for who or what I am.After all marriages in India are all about family alliances.

And this is one of the major reason why I gave up on marriage.

At present I am single and I don't need to justify myself to anyone.This makes me happy and I hope to keep it that way. Somewhere I had read that orphans are god's children, so why does the Indian society treat us badly?Why do the so called cultured people coming from a good families treat self made oprhans with contempt and utter disregard? But then I realize that in India you have no identity without a family. People have no respect for self made orphans. This is the real truth of our society.

I am better off with a  solo life unless I come across a matured Independent woman who will accept me for what I am with no questions asked.

This is Bhaveen Sheth singning off and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Living with loneliness without any love, care or affection, something within you dies every single day.

In the eight series, I write on how loneliness affects the lives of single men in India. While we may celebrate our bachelorhood, one should also realize that loneliness takes its toll, especially on our emotional well being.We become less human, we get devoid of human emotions.

There are many Indian men who are now living a life of extreme loneliness.There is no one by our side, we have lost touch with our relatives, hopes of marriage have long gone, we have good friends but they are busy attending to their own families.At this stage of our lives there is no one by ourside.

I know what many of us are going through. Unlike single Indian women we don't go around advertising our situation. In India, men accept their pain and suffering silently.

We often ask:what wrong did we do to deserve this life? We find no answer. May be we have accepted our fates and compromised with it.

We wake up early and realize that there is no one by outside.We have our breakfast alone wondering if there would be any possibility in the near future where we would be sharing our dinning table with that special person.We go to work and listen to our colleagues discussing matters related to their families. When we see family photos of someone, something suddenly hits us and we realize what we are missing.

We come home to any empty house (I have been doing that for the last 16 years now. First as an undergraduate student , then as a first time employee, later on as a PG student and now a professional assimilated in the workforce). No one greets us at the entrance of our homes, no wife, no child. There is no one with whom we can share our problems, no one with we will be having dinner.Sundays, public holidays and festivals have stopped being of an importance to us.

We ask ourselves?Are we dying everyday? To some extent, the answer is yes.We have stopped being emotional, we have stopped living in fantasy and stopped keeping hopes.Other thean our professional achievements and credentials, we don't have any cherished moments. In a society filled with lies, cheat, deceit and rampant abuse of the judicial system , we have become hyper vigilant. Interactions with the opposite gender fills our minds with doubts and paranoia. We have made fences and walls around us to such an extent that making a meaningful relationship with someone is difficult.In my case, I have not been touched for the last 15 years. The lack of physical human contact is enough to make me inhuman or to put it better words, dehumanizing.

No matter how much suffering we keep in our hearts, our stoicism gets reflected in our eyes and face.We die, we die every single day. It is just that we don't register this minuscule percentage of our death.

This is not just my story but the story of many men like men, men who are orphans and men who have left their dysfunctional families for good.Men who are single because of their destiny. This is the reality of our lives.

BHAVEEN SHETH

If you want to live within the society , you must follow the rules

Society? Rules? What the hell? A month ago before my 34th birthday a well wisher told me that I must celebrate my birthday with other people by giving a small party.After all I had to live within the society. I just wished he had known about me, I wish he would have know that I have no family background. People like me are never included within the society. Why the should I do things in order to please the people of the Indian society.My birthday is my concern. How I should celebrate it is my wish.I always celebrate my birthdays solo.

Where was this so called Indian society when I wanted to get married? No one was willing to accept me. Single Indian men without a proper family are treated as outcasts. Hence I don't need to follow the rules of the Indian society in order to make others happy. I love to live the way I am living and I have no regrets about it.

This is Bhaveen Sheth sigining off and I promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth