With the changing times and influx of a western lifestyle , one can often notice the gradual changes that have come in the society.
One of the institutions that is being affected is marriage, as a lot of changes have happened in the last 10 years, changes that never happened within the Indian society in the last 1000 years. It is good to see a rapid turnaround in the society.
Coming to the topic of the single Indian man/male, it is still rare for a man not be married. You can observe a lot of unmarried women in their 30's and 40's. They have their own reasons but you will find a limited number of Indian men who stay single all their lives.
In India three things, i.e. Bollywood, cricket and marriage are the most important preoccupations of the people. It becomes an inseparable part of their lives.
Indian men don't stay single, they are somehow married, no matter how old, dumb or ugly they may be, they have to get married. Now you understand why is the entire nation obsessed after getting Salman Khan and Rahul Gandhi married!!!!. Men are the prized possessions in the family and the family gets them married at any cost.
But then, one does find Indian men who are still not married living a single life and unlike their female counterparts who have accepted singledom peacefully, such men are sad and brooding.
Here I would like to profile the Single Indian Male/men who stay single all their lives, majority out of their own fate and circumstances and not by choice.
1. The perpetual losers: These are men who are just ordinary, ordinary in looks, ordinary in personality and they hold mediocre jobs that are boring and does not pay a good salary. Yet , like ordinary mortal human beings, they aspire to get married. But, things don't work for them. In the Indian society, every Indian father wants to get his daughter married to the higher economic level in the society. These males do not find suitable matches and remain single all their lives. Common examples of such men are: the office boy, the driver, the clerk , the cashier at a shopping mall, the security guard etc etc.
2. The Orphans: I don't need to elaborate much on the second point. Myself being an orphan knows it all. Marriage in India is essentially about the union between two families and not having a family makes you an immediate reject on the matrimonial front. Look at all the matrimonial ads and one of the requirements from a future groom is that he should be from a good family. This society has no place for self made educated decent orphans.
3. Men from dysfunctional families: One of the least discussed topic is the dysfunctional Indian family. The Indian society discusses a lot on cricket, movies and politics , but no one is ready to accept the fact that the Indian society is filled with its own share of such families. Children who have grown up in these families, having faced physical, sexual and emotional abuse often have a complicated adult life. Men from such families decide that they don't want to get married and hence remain single. Such men often find it difficult to have a normal healthy relation with the fairer sex.
4. The astrologically disadvantaged: Birth charts and astrology plays an important role in marriage. For a marriage to happen, it is important that a person has good stars in his birth chart. However there exists one bad star, the dreaded MANGAL. God knows what this means, but from what I have read, it means that the mars planet being present in the marriage chart is considered to be inauspicious. Ohhh dear!!!!! As per Indian mythology these men find it difficult to get married and are can get married only to a woman who has a similar birth chart i.e. even she has to be a mangalik. How pathetic!!!!!! The search for a managalik bride goes on. Some brilliant entrepreneurs have cashed on this matter and developed online magalik matrimonial website in the hope that dejected mangliks will find a soul mate. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. And as destiny would have it the manglik males remain single because of their disadvantaged stars. Sad, but true.
5. The community disadvantaged men: Now what happens in those communities where there is a skewed sex ratio or where the population of eligible women for marriage is less compared to men. Haryanvi Jats, the Rajasthanis. These men don't find find single women in their community and in some communities like the tamilian brahmin or the malayali Iyers or even the JAINS who are hell bent on finding a bride from their won community or sub caste, things become more difficult.
6. The undesirable NRI's: Gone are the days when Non Residential Indians got a red carpet welcome. Gone are the days when an eligible NRI bachelor was a sought after property. parents no longer line up in front of the houses of these NRI's to get their daughters married. With the economic boom in India and a good lifestyle , many girls want to stay in India and get married to men who are having good jobs in India itself. So now the eligible NRI bachelor is no longer wanted. The problem with us Indians is that we carry our narrow minded mentality and pickle wherever we go to, this includes western countries. In spite of spending their entire childhoods in the west, these men only want a typical Indian bride. They feel that the second or third general Indian women are bad and have corrupted mores and their habits are westernized. These men will never marry a white woman or any other immigrant woman from a different country. They only want fair skinned, docile Indian women who can make good phulkas (Chapattis). PATHETIC!!!! Now, coming to men who work in the Middle Eastern oil rich Arab countries. They find it even more difficult to get married. If they are not keralites or tamilians, it is assured that their matrimonial hunt will end in rejections. Middle East still carries a stigma of being a violent place on earth. Plus with the rigid society existing out there, they can't even think of getting married to a local girl out there. So again these men have a choice, the only choice called as Hobson's choice, either they remain single or they leave their comfortable well paying jobs and settle down in India.
7. The physically or mentally challenged: No one admits this, but other that treating women badly, Indian society has a dubious distinction in ill treating the physically and mentally challenged. . They are discriminated on every front. So how can marriage be left out. Go, go and abuse the westerners for their modern habits, at least they don't ill treat their fellow citizens who have some sort of disability. One can even see that women out there marry a man who is handicapped. It is due to love, true love that transcends all materialistic things. But in India its a different game all together. Disabled men don't stand a chance anywhere. No one wants them. They have no right to be loved. When they are of an eligible age , their parents look out for suitable brides, but there is rejection in store for them everywhere. They see their parents begging in front of others, they see themselves being rejected on countless occasions. This has a negative impact on their self confidence and self esteem. They develop hate and detachment for the society and decide of remaining single for their entire life. The story of a disabled and an orphan are not different, the only difference is that one is physically disabled while the other (myself) is socially disabled.
8. The heartbroken: Love hurts!!!!!! And when a close one leaves you, it shatters your entire life. A heart broken man can be anyone, a person who has lost his loved one, a divorcee , a widowed person or a person whose loved walked way from him and married another person. Since I have never fallen in love, I may not be able to shed light on this topic. But in these cases, once bitten and hundred times shy phenomenon is there. These men decide to remain single all their lives, it seems that they could never get over with this one tragic heart break.
9. The off beat career guys: When it comes to academics and choosing careers, Indians have always been traditional with their choices, always being the boring but stable careers and jobs over challenging ones. Majority of the Indian male population settles for traditionally opted careers like medicine, engineering, law, MBA, CA, bank and government jobs. Now imagine if someone took up an off beat, creative or challenging career like being a special forces commando, combat fighter pilot, chef, massage therapist, hairstylist, fitness trainer, makeup artist, writer etc , the list goes on and on. The latter careers that I have mentioned are well paying, creative and challenging. Yet and yet men who do these jobs are treated as pariahs in the Indian society. No father is willing to marry his daughter of to such men, because their jobs and social status are considered to be disrespectful. Oh come on man. A hairstylist who may earn more that a Lakh per month for giving stylish hair cuts for celebrities is considered to be a looser while an MBA grad earning a mere 50,000 bucks is sought after. Wow, what hypocrisy!!!! Sad to say that these men don't find decent matches through the arranged marriage system. Some of them who have a good personality do find a soul mate , but the process of convincing the girl's parents is not an easy task.
10 The bad family reputation guys: Last but not the least, Men from families who are known for bad reputation cannot get easily married. Their families may have a criminal background or is known for having anti social habits. In a society where each one spies on the other person's laundry, it is impossible to hide facts. Hence these men no matter how good they may be or no matter what good qualifications or jobs they acquire, they remain unwanted due to their family background.
Concluding, I must state that no man in India wants to stay single by choice especially in a society where everyone grows up with the dream of getting married one day. Circumstances and destiny make men to take up the choice of remaining single. Only ten percent and that includes myself accept their single life happily and do not complain. We go on the path of self discovery and fulfillment , however 90 percent men become anguished. They live the life of dejected and sad men. Many feel that happiness will only come in their life once they get married and find a soul mate. They feel that a loving and caring wife is the solution to all problems in their lives.
And the single Indian male says Why???? Why do we try to seek happiness in a woman??? Why can't we find salvation within ourselves??? Why can't we accept a single life with grace and live it large??? Should we not go on the path of self development and self discovery????
For Single Indian men belonging to any of the above 10 categories, please think and try to improve your life.
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