A few days ago, I finished reading the book titled "From Home to house", writings of the Kashmiri Pandits in Exile.I take this inspiration after reading one of the chapters written by Mr.K. N. Pandita who writes on moments of introspection.
Indian men living single for many reasons will have their own moments of introspection. Yes we are single, living in a country and a society where the majority is married.We are single because something did not go right. We may be orphans, we may have left our dysfunctional families for good, we got left out on the marriage front, women did not see us as suitable life partners., we got separated, we got divorced.There are infinite reasons for us living a single life. We don't owe an explanation to the society.
Marriage is out of the question for us.For the first time in so many decades since India's independence Indian men have finally breathed freedom:freedom form the unwanted responsibilities of the Indian society, freedom from the shackles and bondage of a dysfunctional family and freedom from toxic marriages.Remember those times when you were keen to get married? Remember those days when you met potential brides? Remember those moments when you were humiliated and ridiculed just because you did not meet up to certain expectations? Remember those days when your parents were informed that you were rejected by a potential girl just because you did not meet up to her standards? Do you remember those feelings of despair, hopelessness, despondency and formlessness? How did it feel like getting rejected each and every time?
You and your parents went from pillar to post in order to find a suitable match but nothing happened. In my case (I am am an orphan) and for those who left their dysfunctional families for good,seeking a matrimonial alliance was even more difficult.No one wanted to associate with someone who did not have any people family background.Years have gone by and now we are in our 30s and 40s. But still, even today we brood over being a leftover single, we are sad for not having a family.
It will take some time for some of us to come out of this syndrome of being a leftover single man.We will have to look at new avenues in terms of our vocation, career , entertainment and a creative life away from the norms of the Indian society.
During the first phases of our single life, we will face a lot of difficulties. Living alone has never been easy. This phase will test us. We will be vulnerable during this period. One should remain positive and never give in to any kind of addiction or vice.Madly looking out for love and expecting a woman to be our emotional pillar will lead to grave disappointments.We will have to sit down and think on how we can chart out our future course of life.
Grit and determination will pave our way forward. Gradually a realization will dawn upon us on the need to start making the best use of our lives.In order to be truly alone, we must move out of our own homes or comfort zones. We will have to live separately, away from our parents.We will have to make ourselves immune from the criticisms and taunts of the Indian society.
During this phase we will have to work on our careers and become better professionals, pursue activities of continuous professional development, get advanced certifications, work in different places where the job is challenging. We will have to make a place for ourselves, both vertically and horizontally. We will have to rise to the top echelons within the organization. In the coming two to three decades we should be financially sound living in a house in our own name.
Not being married does not become an end of life.Our motivation to live a better life should take us to places. No land is foreign to us and no territory is forbidden to us.We should think about immigrating to foreign countries or even do minor job stints in Gulf rich kingdoms, it will add magnanimously to our bank balance.
It is futile to live with this dream or hope of getting married.It is futile to expect the Indian society to understand us.We are important to no one, a non-entity, unwanted disposable beings.For the Indian society we are a liability, a stinky lot.We are objects of ridicule and taunts.The society considers us to be losers as we could not get married, keep a woman or father a child. Being branded as a pariah , the society has shut its gates to us forever.
The Indian media considers it a taboo to speak on the plight of single Indian men.The feminists and their feminazi cousins harbour rabid fanaticism of hatred towards us. We are labelled as potential paedophiles, rapists and certified sex offenders. We have been branded as sex maniacs and perverts.
We ask for equal treatment, we ask for respect and dignity. We ask for a place in the Indian society, we ask for a representation as a minority.But no one is there to understand our situation.
We cannot move forward if we keep thinking that we are victims.We cannot move forward if we keep thinking ourselves to be bare branches or leftover men ( a slang used for unmarried men in China). How can we remain happy if we are so hard on ourselves. We need to move ahead. I understand that things did not go well with us and that's why we are still single.One cannot brood over his past.However we must learn to take care of ourselves, we should groom well, wear good clothes, exercise, live a healthy lifestyle and take up creative activities. We should travel alone across the length and breadth of this country. It is during these journeys that we will explore ourselves and return back fully charged. We also need to learn important life skills. This will make us confident and self reliant paving our path towards a happy single life. Why do we need a woman to come in our lives so that she can cook and feed us?
My dear single Indian men, we are not the only ones who have seen sadness, grief or suffering. Human history is replete with all this. Ours is not an exceptional case. Remember, solo living and displacement is a great boon, blessing and virtue, if we can utilise it properly.Many great single men have made remarkable achievements by remaining single. Do I need to explain the life of Dr.Abdul Kalam or Mr.Ratan Tata. We will have to unleash the potential that has been dormant within us for a long time and create our own new world with a new vision.Only the weak and feeble will cry over their miserable condition. We, the single Indian men are strong and we must rise to this occasion and challenge.
Go ahead and live that meaningful life. Live a life that we become an object of an envy for each and every married person Live your life in such a manner that all people will stand up and say that you are the one who is truly living his life.
