At 37 I am still unmarried and you don't need to be shocked: Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

As a first person writing this blog post, I Bhaveen Sheth, would like to state that I am 37 years old and still unmarried, don't have wife, did not father children and I am very happy with my choices and lifestyle. My Dear Sir/Madam, you should not be shocked or amused that I am single.In my writings below I would like to speak with on a one to one basis.

I hope you are doing well. I had a conversation with you and we took it further. We discussed a lot of things and I believe you found me to be a nice and interesting person. The conversation then went on the personal side and you asked me about my family and I stated that I am still unmarried. You expressed some kind of shock or amusement at my statement. I guess you must have assumed that our like that a like you I too must be a married man. Back of your mind you must be thinking how come this man is still single? I can understand. In a society like ours every Indian man has to be married and settled with a wife and child by this age. unfortunately I am not.

I have my own reasons for being single. You see I don't have a family. This is what I can tell as of now. I don't want to get into details. If you care to read a few of my blogposts, I am sure you will understand the reason. I represent myself. In our country and society no decent family would want their daughters or sisters to marry me. After all it is all about reputation and honour, no matter who fake and superficial it may be. People are more interested in LOG KYA KAHENGE (what will be people say) rather than looking and assessing an individual. Our society is all about families and individuality is not acceptable. A decade I ago I tried my hand at matrimony, I was so naive. I faced multiple rejections, people were rude with me, they scrutinized me and looked down upon me with suspicion. By the time I reached 30, I realized that I had no placed within the society. Self respect does matter and why should I compromise it.

At the age of 29, I became aware about the one sided gender biased matrimonial laws of our country.I started doing more research in it and realized matrimonial laws has indeed become a sort of legal terrorism in our country. Families were destroyed and the lives of many many married men were ruined just because their wives filled multiple false cases under different civil and criminal sections in the police station and courts.I personally  even met a few family lawyers who has dealt in matrimonial disputes, I narrated my story to  them and everyone told me to be very careful. In India matrimonial alliances have become a trap where  you can easily be exploited. You stand to loosed out everything that you have worked so hard to earn. Why the should I risk myself? And for what? Any cunning, deceiving and manipulative person will try to take advantage from me in a marriage. It is not worth it.

I also look at the modern marriage and the responsibilities it brings. Marriage and children are indeed a big responsibility. You must be a married man/woman with children or planning to have children. Sometimes I ask myself do I have it in me to become a good husband or a good father? Can I be a good provider or protector? Maybe yes , maybe no. But over the year that I have passed, I have gained maturity and a better insight of my own self. I just guess I am not marriage material, I lack the competency that is required to become an Indian husband in a conventional Indian marriage.

I value my solo time or me time. I love solitude and single living. Mental peace is more important for me. You can't buy mental peace. After work I would like to come home and relax preferably with a cup of coffee and  a book/movie. I would like to go for a jog or to the gym. I prefer spending the late night by reading some good books or doing online courses to enhance my professional development. You see I have been living alone for the last 18 years and it has become a habit. Solitude can be addictive.

At times you must be thinking how can I live alone all by myself. Don't I feel lonely? Don't I go insane? No sir/madam, I don't. I believe in keeping my mind occupied through creative engagement. I read, I write, I travel, I watch good movies and recently i have started my by path towards spirituality by perusing yoga and meditation. Creative engagement is the best antidote to counter loneliness. Please don't equate me with those lonely men who are frustrated with their lives cause I am not.

You may have judged me, judged me for having bad habit. You must have already made up your mind that I am chain smoker, drinker or sex maniac. I don't blame you. The problem is with our society and media. It stereotypes single men in negative shades. But frankly speaking I don't have any such habits. I know the negative consequences of these things and I have no intention on destroying my life. I know that I will end up spoiling my health and ruining my hard earned reputation. I stay away from these vices. 

You may counsel and advise me in getting married. You may state after an age everyone requires some sort of companionship and emotional support. But tell me sir/madam, will you refer your daughter/sister/near relative to me for a matrimonial alliance. I guess not. After all you also have a reputation to maintain. After all I am a man with no family background. It is very easy to advise others and difficult for follow or implement. Then also I thank you for your advice and appreciate your concern.

And yes there are those of you who think that I am a failure, a loser  and a useless man just because I failed to get married, have a wife and did not father a child. You may think whatever you want. I give a damn. I don't have time for narrow minded and cheap people like you who judge a person only from his marital status. 

There is a saying, to each one his own. Everyone has the right to live the way he/she wants. For some people remaining solo is a personal choice and one must respect that.

I hope I have clarified myself.

This is Bhaveen Sheth being blunt and clear.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

Indian parents not willing to accept the shortcomings of their children:Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM-INDIAN MGTOW

In a brief post below, the single Indian man writes his thoughts on how Indian parents are unwilling to accept the shortcomings of their children and the impact it has on the children when they become adults.

All parents love their children , no one can deny that. But there is a big difference in being being emotional and practical. With the rise in income , many parents pamper their children and overlook their shortcomings.

Children can have shortcomings in many ways. Some have major behavioural and emotional problems while others are extremely dependent on their parents for each and everything. Life skills is something that we Indians learn late in life. And then there are some children who are plainly dumb, they have a low IQ or some learning difficulty/disability. We all know that kid from the movie "TARE ZAMEEN PAR". Parents  were unwilling to accept that the child was dyslexic. We all had that student in our class who was dumb and got ridiculed both by teachers and classmates.

Pampering, over-protection and denial of a problem sets a difficult path for the child. While parent gives unconditional love to the child , I cannot say the same about the world outside the home. When we go outside our houses and face the real world, the slap of reality hits us. 

I have often seen parents arguing with teachers when something negative is told to them about their son/daughter, fighting with the principal when their child got less marks or did not win a prize in some competition.

As the child grows up, he/she finds it difficult to face certain realities. One may not get admission in the desired college or course, there is a heart break during teenage years and one may not always fit into a particular peer group. All this is part and parcel of life. But a child who is emotionally not strong will find it difficult to deal with such delicate situations.

In the later years of life it is about jobs, salaries, marriage and starting a family. And here I would like to ask one question? Are people prepared to undertake big responsibilities? The answer is no. By failing to address the shortcomings,  an incompetent individual is raised. Today we are seeing the manifestations of the same across India.

People are failing to get suitable employment in spite of being graduates, failing to keep their jobs, there is no passion in  the job as they are doing something they never wanted (they were pushed into it by their parents), marriages are breaking down resulting into divorces and separation. All across we are seeing people who are sad and depressed with their lives.

This does not mean that people are unsuccessful. There are many who are making it big out there and taking up responsibilities. There are people out there who can independently handle things.

Sometimes parents just need to tell the bitter truth to their children, sometimes constructive criticism helps, accepting that something is wrong with the child is much better that denial,taking help from counselor, psychologist or a psychiatrist should not be a taboo. Such steps lead to positive changes in the near future.

What I see is that parents trying to get jobs for their children, parents interfering in the married lives of their children for no reason. It is important to accept that after 21 a child is a fully grown adult and it is time he/she faces the real world and develop coping mechanism. Parents cannot be there all the time.

I hope this post brings some wisdom on parents.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

INDIAN MGTOW

Why do some people never go back to their dysfunctional families after leaving them-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-INDIAN MGTOW

The single Indian man talks from the perspective of many Indian men who haveleft their dysfunctional families for good and will never go back to them.I will write on the reasons, the challenges and what holds them back from their own families.

In the Indian society, family is the single most important institution where people find social, emotional and moral support.Fiction and cinema have portrayed the Indian family as the vital source for love, care and affection.The happy Indian family staying together is a ubiquitous thing and everyone dreams of having one.

But what if one does not have that happy family?What if your family consisting of your near and far off relatives are dysfunctional? What if your loved ones are constantly hurting you? What if on any given day your house is filled with melodrama, emotional outbursts and verbal abuses? I guess it is difficult to have one answer to so many complicated questions.

Dysfunctional families in India is something no one wants to discuss. It is a taboo.In a society where parents are equivalent to gods, no criticism can be heard against them. Dysfunctional families are created right from the inception of a marriage.What happens when two individuals who are not emotionally or psychological fit get married? What happens people carrying excessive emotional baggage get married? In India getting married at the right age is of paramount importance, no one looks whether an individual is emotionally capable of handling the challenges associated with a marriage. Indian men who grow up in such dysfunctional families face many challenges.They are denied and deprived of love and affection from the very people who bought them in this world.A small number of men are strong enough to take a decision of walking away from their dysfunctional families.

This moving away does not happen all of a sudden.Once these men enter their teenage years they get to see the world around them that seems to be normal, they meet families who are happy and supportive of their children.Some men are lucky as they get to move out of their homes and go to a new city for the purpose of their education.After the education is over, they take up jobs in metro cities. This  is where they experience true freedom.They finally have a life that seems normal.They meet people who come from normal families and gradually come to a realization of what is wrong in their own homes.

However many Indian men do not give up hope.They take up periodic visits to their homes under the false hopes that one day thing will get normal.This comes as a major disappointment for them.What scenario existed 20 years ago still remains the same:the same fights, the same outbursts and the same old family problem.It seems like nothing has changed in all these years.Additionally many men are seen as disappointments to their own parents. They are not in the profession or the organizations that was expected out of them (comparison with others), their salaries are not in range with what their cousins or neighbor's children are earning.They are still not married or are not getting married to the brides selected by their parents who will fetch them a good dowry.

It is the same old taunts, jibes and criticisms. Nothing had changed in the  past and nothing will change in the future.

When the men realize this, they come to a decision of not going back to their families.Every visit to their dysfunctional families brings distress and depression in their lives.One day you have to make a decision for yourself, your life and your future.So the men decide to stop meeting their dysfunctional families.Relations are maintained over the phone and internet, a glimpse into the other person's life is seen through social media.

People may question my thinking.How can someone leave his parents?Well, sometimes you need to distance yourself from negative and toxic people for your own god.You cannot move ahead in life if you don't shed your emotional baggage.Sometimes it is for a greater good that sane Indian men walk away from their dysfunctional families. The ones who stay back in false hopes and expectations are in for a grave disappointment.The truth is that till one does not take a radical step, a dysfunctional family will reproduce another dysfunctional family and the vicious cycle will keep on being repeated for generations to come.

My writings may have resonated with some Indian men who have had dysfunctional families.If you wish to share your stories in order to spread awareness, then please mail your write ups to me at sheth.bhaveen@gmail.com. Names and identities will be protected.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and I promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaeen Sheth

INDIAN MGTOW

Brace yourself for a lonely life, there is no one coming for us: Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-INDIAN MGTOW

The single Indian male speaks on developing skills and abilities on living a single life as coping all alone as there is no one who is going to come for us.

My heading is very clear . We as the single Indian men who have decided to live alone all by ourselves will have to face challenges and problems all by ourselves, there is no one who will come for us, this is the world we live in.

In my own experience of being alone for so many years , I have realized that life is not easy. There have been many days when I have faced difficult times all by myself. No one was there to share my problems. But age and experience brings wisdom. Initially I used to think that one days someone will come in my life and I will share all my feelings with her, but that did not happen.Marriage never happened and I never found my soul mate. Indian society has shown me my true position and has clearly told me that its has no place for people like me.I have made a promise to myself that I will never depend on anyone for emotional support or solace.

Gradually I have developed my own support system. As single Indian men, we are going to face many difficult phases in out lives. My advice to all my single Indian male friends is to to behave rationally during such moments, never make an impulsive decision. Always look at the larger picture. Never loose focus on your dreams, goals and ambitions. Get creative with your life. Start reading, make meaningful relationships with other people, exercise every day.

There are many years ahead of us, follow the MGTOW philosophy. We have to become our own support system.Go ahead and face your problems all by yourself.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth

INDIAN MGTOW

Not interested in speaking to a woman's parents or siblings-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

I am no longer interested in speaking to a woman's parents or siblings. At 35 I am comfortable living a solo life, marriage no longer interests me. However I do get matrimonial interests, either from my profile on an online matrimonial site or through references of friends. 

It is the same story that I get to hear. The woman is not married, looking for a suitable match, her parents and siblings are worried for her and all that typical bullshit of an Indian family who has an unmarried daughter/sister sitting at home.

In the past few instances it has been the parents or siblings who have interacted with me. I just don't know why do they express interest in me when I have clearly stated everything about myself in writing.Maybe they are so desperate to get their daughter/sister married off that they will go to any extent.Now I am an adult orphan with zero family background, no close family ties and living all by myself.

The parents and siblings of the woman do all the talking, they ask all kinds of weird questions even after knowing everything about me. There are times when such conversations have left me embarrassed and humiliated. But this was the past and I have put the past behind me. Having gained the confidence and wisdom that comes with age, I chose to avoid any form of conversation with either the parent or the siblings of the woman.

Now c'mon, I am an adult who is mature and self dependent, I am no longer some immature kid.I am certainly not looking to settle down with some young nubile girl in her late teens or early 20's who has no experience of life in general. The age category of women that I get to deal are in their early or mid 30's. I am sure by this age people are mature enough to take their life decisions independently. Many women that I have come across are divorcees and separated.I am sure they must be mature by now. But lord almighty!!! It seems he has not given any wisdom to our adult Indian women as they cannot make their own life choices independently.

It seems that the unmarried adult Indian women still lack the confidence to talk to someone, make a decent conversation and build a rapport. Yes!!! Under confident and hesitant adults exist in both the genders. Here are the women who still rely on their parents and siblings to do the talking on their behalf. It seems that in this case feminism and women's empowerment has gone for a toss.

Now please tell me? How can you get along with a woman who cannot take her own life decision even after crossing 30. That phase of life when parents did all the talking has gone. The women past 30 in India are considered an off the shelf product (as per the popular thinking of the Indian society).Age is going by and the biological clock is ticking and yet our adult Indian women lack basic common sense.

Coming back to the topic of parents and siblings of the women.It seems that they have forgotten that their daughters/sisters have passed the marriageable age and are no longer considered marriage material.And yet, these buggers want the perfect match. Their would be in law must earn a six figure salary, he must have house in his name, a decent car and enough cash to take care of their lovely princesses. In most of the cases it seems that these parents and siblings are just window shopping and exploring their options in trying to get the best match. In my opinion I consider these people as cheap and uncouth. Their very way of talking shows that they are trying to have profitable trade off where in there is a win-loose situation in which they get profited and I bear the loss. And if I have to say something about their daughter/sisters (not being offensive), there is hardly anything good about them, be it looks,education, career or personality.

Being a fiercely independent person myself, I prefer to come across someone who can make her own life decision as an adult and stand by it. I have still not come across such a woman till date.

Hence I prefer not to talk to the parents or siblings of prospective woman looking for marriage. As an adult , change comes from withing, it should be the woman who should take charge of her life and make her own decisions, not the parents or the siblings.

I am am content with my solo life.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Words of wisdom to all single Indian male IT Professionals from Qoura-BHAVEEN SHETH-INDIAN MGTOW

The single Indian male was browsing through some popular write-ups on quora.He cam across an interesting write up on advice to a single Indian male IT professionals on what they need to do in order to improve their personalities and become better human beings. Please find the tips written below:

Mostly for Male Software Engineers.

1. The girl who comes to your seat with twinkle in her eyes is not interested in you. She wants to get the fucking work done. And she will not date for your favour. She thinks you're a wussy. 
2. Most of you my friends including me have a rubbish and sloppy communication and weirdo accent. Get some training dude.
3. Your dressing sense sucks. Date a fashion designer if it is all possible for you. Date? Yes. Don't wear formal pants with sneakers or sports shoes. It's not cool.
4. Take care of personal hygiene. No wonder girls run away from you. Use some good perfume and make sure you eat mint after consuming tons of onion during lunch or after smoking.
5. Make sure your tummy doesn't entice me to say that you're pregnant without delivery(PWD). Take care of your health my friend. It's important.
6. Become interesting. Get a life outside GOT, LOTR, and many more. Read something about evolution. Read books by Matt Ridley, Robert Greene and Neil Strauss.
7. If you think the girl you discreetly look over your desktop doesn't notice you then I am telling you that she knows. She thinks you're a pervert. If you like her go and tell her. She thinks you lack balls to ask her out.
8. Those with 1% lucky smart genes and good built but bad accent and poor self image, if you think girls in India will drool over you because it happens in some deodorant advertisements, then arse off. It's India. No one will come to you and that's why that talkative, confident, ugly and smart ass friend of yours is sleeping with all the girls. You need to talk to her buddy to create some interest.
9. The Pizza you're eating during unsolicited late stays at your office is the biggest cause of your growing waistline. Cut the crap and carb. You're acting like a greedy pig here.
10. Cut down your time in front of idiot box and laptops and start going to gym for god sake. Learn some moves so that you don't embarrass yourself in the upcoming annual party dance. Your weird dance has already repelled so many girls from you. Specially the snake dance of yours.

I hope my readers especially the single Indian men from the IT sector will follow and implement the points mentioned above.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

An eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia

In this blogpost, I write down my thoughts and feelings on an eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia felt by many single Indian men living all by themselves in metropolitan cities of India. This post is primarily written from the perspective of a single Indian man living in Delhi-NCR.

It is in an alien city that we feel extremely lonely and homeless, the realization of having no home becomes heavy and difficult to deal with.The feeling of having no family is part of a permanent emotional disease whose symptoms affect you on a daily basis.Living in a new city surrounded by unknown people who are equally heartless and hostile gives us a heavy feeling of longing and nostalgia.

Where is that home and where is that family? We have no one to go back to and no one to call our own. For a man like me who has no parents or family support, I have no one whom I can call a family. Living on my own moving from city to city has put in a permanent feeling of homelessness in me. For men who have left their toxic dysfunctional families, their lives and stories are similar to mine, the only difference being that they no longer want to go back to their dysfunctional families, for them their families are as good as dead.For the separated and the divorced , life is equally hard, having experienced the joys of a family, loneliness now brings a deep feeling of longing and nostalgia.

An urban city is a breeding ground for loneliness. You feel alone withing an ocean of people.You want to but cannot connect with unknown people. Every place in the city reminds you about loneliness:multiplexes, restaurants, grocery stores and many other places remind you about something that is missing. You see a couple who is madly in love with each other  and get a feeling of longing. When was the last time that you had a meaningful emotional contact?When was the last time when someone touched your soul.? We don't know, we cannot remember. Small children remind you of a child that you could never have or a father that you could never become. You sit in a restaurant and observe a family on the adjacent table enjoying their meal and having a wonderful time, it reminds you how long you have been eating alone without a family. Every family reminds you of something that you are not.

Where can we find solace? Orphans have no place to go to, you can't go back to your dysfunctional family, the divorced and the separated feel uncomfortable around their married relatives.

Delhi and the National Capital Region (NCR) is a paradoxical and contradictory city. There is a massive urban development going on in Gurgaon, Noida, Faridabad and Ghaziabad clutching along with Delhi. You find its inhabitants who are superficial and fake. Everyone seems to be exaggerating himself/herself. It is here where you find humanity dug in its deepest graveyard. You don't understand the culture or its people. You see and observe a lot.You see people aspiring for a fancy life without working hard for it, fast cash and easy money is a new found religion here, people of both the genders have high levels of cortisol and adrenaline hormones in their blood stream just waiting for aggression to burst out, pubbing and clubbing is a new form of worship.You meet men who want a fair skinned bride, women who want only well settled husbands earning more than 1 Lakh per month. Divorce and adultery is a normal thing.Marriages are no longer sacred here:Where is the sanctity of this ritual when alcohol flows like river and brides dance like bar dancers? A noble ceremony has become a materialistic ritual.The society and the culture of this city offends and repels you.

The opposite gender in this city seems to be extremely conceited, haughty , opportunistic and arrogant. Even their fake smiles carry an ulterior materialistic motive. You can't have a meaningful conversation with them.Even in relationships and marriages these women are busy meeting their own agendas. Relationships are made and broken here at the drop of a hat. It is here where you see women filling false rape and dowry cased against their boyfriends and husbands when relationships break down.The women of this region love to wash their dirty linen in public.

You meet some good Samaritans here and they tend to like you.They invite you to their homes and treat you with lunch and dinner. You feel normal, at least for some hours. The woman of the house cooks and serves you food, she reminds you of a sister in law you always wanted. The children connect with you reminding you of a niece/nephew you always wanted.You leave after having a wonderful time with the family and reach back to your house only to feel the vacuum of loneliness.

The men here are a of different lot. Their ignorance and stupidity never stops to amaze you, especially the men belonging to the hinterlands of north India. By getting married to some fair looking dames and fathering children, they think of themselves to be the Alexanders in their own right who have conquered an important territory and are enjoying the spoils of the war.They can't tolerate individualism and and often look down upon people like us who happen to be single.They remind us of our single status often through taunts and criticisms and we too give back acerbic replies to the point of offending their false pride and overinflated egos. We know better. These men have a really hard time in meeting the high expectations of their MADAMJI wives. As the day comes to an end, as a weekend approaches, people around you start making plans: a fancy restaurant to visit, a weekend gateway has been planned, a wedding/social function to attend, a new mall to visit and a lot more. You have no such plans and even if you did , you don't want to share. You go back to your house, it is a house that could never become a home. You tend to keep yourself occupied.

Whether we chose this life or this life chose us is something we ask ourselves everyday and find no answers. But still we continue living our lives on the basis of hope and the feeling than one day things will go well in future.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day, promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

DEALING WITH LONELINESS

Loneliness is  one thing that affects a lot of singletons. This is a kind of a malady that becomes chronic in evenings, weekends and public holidays.

In this blog post, I, Bhaveen Sheth, the Single Indian man writes down my own experiences on dealing with loneliness.It is not easy dealing with loneliness, it was never easy and it will never be easy. However over the years living alone has made me a stronger person.

There is an old saying that goes by stating that an ideal mind is a devil's workshop.Many single Indian men living alone take up bad and evil habits in order to deal with loneliness. I have avoided this path and can proudly say that I am living a single life filled with hobbies and creativity.

My deep interests in reading and writing keeps me engaged. Movies and American television series are my secondary passions and I love to watch them during my free time.

I believe that every person needs to find a higher meaning in his life, a meaning in which he feels that he can make a difference.Some may find it their chosen vocation while others may find it outside. I strongly stand for men's rights in India and have a dream of becoming a spokesperson for a men's rights group.

Being a veteran in living alone for a long time ( now almost 17 years), I focus on my health and well being. After all there is no one who will take care of me. I try eating properly and exercise regularly. There are times when i am not able to keep up my daily schedule but still I try.I don't want to look like those middle aged uncles with pot bellies hanging.I idolise Milind Soman and want to look like him when I turn 50, athletic, fit and fabulous.he is my inspiration behind. running marathons.

Mastering life skills is very important for all of us who are staying alone. While I am able to manage a house independently, I am still struggling with the fine art of cooking.I have decided that when I relocate some where else, I will rent a flat preferably 1 BHK and learn cooking skills on my own.There in no point in surviving on mess, parcels and takeouts for your entire life.

To overcome loneliness one needs to set a new goal that has to be achieved. When your mind in occupied in trying to achieve something, you don't get affected by loneliness.So it is always that new movie that I have to watch, a new skill that I need to learn, a new place to visit, new books to read and movies to download.Never get bothered by the negativity and toxicity of loneliness.There are times when I feel sad and I am sure many single men do the same. There are ups and downs but when faced with such kind of situations, try not to get affected by it. In my case I try to pick up a book and read.

Over the years i have stopped having hopes of getting married. If I am to meet my soulmate , it will happen, however i cannot associate that one event of my life with happiness.People call me selfish and materialistic for not getting married and I hardly care.There is no shortage of women in this country especially amongst the 30 plus urban educated class.Do a demographic study and you will find a large number of 30 and 40 plus single, never married, separated, divorced single women and one doesn't need to chase them around, it is they who are desperately looking out for men.

And finally last but not the least, I have stopped visiting places or attending social functions that remind me of being a single left out person. There is a post that i plan to write on why I stopped attending marriages, so you can expect to read it later. I tend to visit places/events that celebrate individualism and solo life.

Ending this post, I would like to state that living  alone and dealing with loneliness is a big challenge especially in India. However one needs to find his own way to happiness.

This Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be aback with a lot more.

At 34 being single

As I age and add an extra candle to my birthday cake, I write down my thoughts and feelings in this blogspot.

I am now approaching my mid 30's. Life is going on.My juniors are now getting married and peers are raising a family. At this point of life I have overcome the challenges that solo living puts in front of me.No longer desperate to get married, I now focus on improving the quality of my life everyday. Women no longer interest me and marriage may now be an unrealized dream. Focus is on self improvement and self development has become an integral part of my life.

There are times when I feel lonely, sad and alone:I feel that I have been left out from living a normal life.Did not get married, do not have a spouse and have not fathered a child. Yes, I go through such times. But every morning when I wake up , I look forward at contributing something to the world, look forward to improve my life, look forward at a better future.That is when I realized that I am happy being single.

I no longer dream of meeting that beautiful soul mate.If some were to happen, it will happen, why should I bother?Many single women that I come across have extremely high expectations even in their 30's and rest of them are divorcees, widows, single moms, the dejected and rejected. Who wants to marry conceited and depressed women?

Creating meaningful relationships with people is more important for me. I have realized my sociability quotient, people love my company and often invite me to their homes for lunch and dinner. It makes me happy.

As I look over the past 34 years, my life has been good, there have been ups and downs, good times and bad times and I have accepted it.There is still a lot to achieve, miles to go and places to travel. I have not given up hope on finding a soul mate, however, I have become more pragmatic and practical.I look forward to what life has to offer and am willing to take the challenges head on.

Single Indian men-Beware of the escort extortion rackets

Yesterday while browsing some news websites, I came across an article wherein  a commercial pilot sought companionship with a women on a adult website. Little did he know that he was falling into a trap. The woman from the site met and lured him to her flat. Later some guys claiming to be from the police crime branch burst into the flat and threatened the pilot that he would be implicated in a rape case if he did not pay. They extorted a huge amount from him. For more details you can read the link below:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/On-adult-date-pilot-trapped-in-rape-case/articleshow/53123427.cms

Companionship is something that many single Indian men across India need. We still lack a proper dating platform where single people can meet. Many single men have to resort to dubious escort agencies to seek companionship. Many such agencies are extortion rackets where in some criminal elements  are waiting to pounce on vulnerable men.

Single Indian men should clearly refrain from taking any kind of service from such agencies. This is not the first case which has appeared in the media, there are many such incidents wherein men have been robbed in a similar modus operandi.

Hence I request all single Indian men to take caution and keep themselves away from such services.

BHAVEEN SHETH-DOTSIM- Single-hood is empowerment

Bhaveen Sheth -The writer of this blog discusses on the empowerment that comes with single-hood. Many Indian men who are currently living a solo life should feel happy and make the best use of their time. There is no greater happiness in India than solo living. In spite of many Indian men happily living a single life, Indian society finds it difficult to accept their status.Single-hood brings freedom, empowerment, liberation and a path to discover ourselves. 

Men's empowerment never features anywhere in the media. It is never discussed over any television debates.What makes Indian men empowered? Is it our education, job, salary, benefits, marriage? The answer is no. Materialistic things bring temporary satisfaction, not empowerment.

There is no happiness than being yourself. Admit it!! Do we Indian men live our lives? Are we able to find out who we are and what we want? Do we even have choices? NO! We are supposed to live are per the defined patriarchal norms of the society. During our childhoods we have to live as per the expectations of our parents and later as per the expectations of our spouses.

Singlehood in India has always been vilified. The general mentality is that if you are single beyond 30, there something definitely wrong with you. That is far from the truth.

Singlehood brings its own set of responsibilities. As you are on your own, you have to do your own chores. There are a different set of skills that you learn in order to survive and thrive. You have to buy your own grocery, clean your house, cook your own food, wash dishes, make your bed and a lot more. You are responsible for your own life so you take good care of yourself. 

Empowerment comes when you are not dependent on anyone for your physical or emotional needs. It makes you independent and self reliant. You become your own best friend. There are no criticisms or taunts coming from a spouse/partner.

Here, I am not advocating that every Indian man should life a single life. All I am saying is if any of you readers are single because of unresolved problems, separated/divorced or widowed, then please stop brooding on your present status. There are bad phases in everyone's life. Don't get disheartened. Pull up yourself and get along with your lives. Celebrate single hood.

Eventually Indian men get married. Because unlike our educated sophisticated urban Indian women, we men don't have sky high expectations. But till you get hitched , enjoy your bachelor life and make the best of it. Trust me , you will develop a lot of self confidence. Just work on yourself and become a better person. This is real empowerment.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

We don't need a woman to complete us

Yes, this is what I , the single Indian male firmly believes. We , the single Indian men do not require a woman in our lives to complete us.

From times immemorial , since childhood we have heard this statement that marriage completes you, a woman transforms our lives and completes and complements us in all ways.

And I say, this is bullshit. Because if this was the case then a man would also complete a woman. But it seems that this never happens.

So why do we the single Indian men require a woman to complete us? Is it that we cannot live or lives without a woman? Does our morale and self esteem depend on a woman??? I doubt!!!!

The Indian society has in a way put woman on a higher pedestal. They are worshiped in the form of important goddesses (Lakshmi-the goddess of wealth and Saraswati-the goddess of education), there are many more. There is this mystique cult followed in the Indian society that the home coming of a new woman as a wife is considered to be auspicious and a home is complete only if there is a woman. Really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, this post is not against Indian women, there are many who are happily married and are living a contented life. This post is for those single Indian men who have crossed their thirties 30's and are on some sort of relentless search for a woman in order get happy. Sad!!!!! In  western countries , men strive for a cause, a goal, a dream but in India, men strive only for a woman, to get married at any cost. It seems that for these men it is only marriage that can bring happiness.

In some of my previous posts I have mentioned that marriage is not a dreamland, there are sacrifices to be made and responsibilities to be undertaken if one wants to stay in this institution, but many single Indian men don't understand this (you can forget their parents, they are more fanatic in the pursuit if an ideal daughter in law).

I ask a simple question , once more, do we require  women to make us happy????? My answer is no!!!!! A simple no.. If you have not found happiness in your single life, chances are that you will not find the same even if you get married. Marriage is no problem solver.

It is a known fact that in a highly sexually repressed society, Indian men have high levels of testosterone in their body, an extreme libido that cannot be controlled. People won't admit this but the truth is that many Indian men marry just because they want sex. An arranged marriage in a way  is a brokerage business in order to get that fair looking booty that the men want.

Other than the above fact, the second hard hitting reality is that Indian men unlike their western counter parts never grow up, I myself have been a witness to their immaturity and child like behavior. They are stuck to their mothers and in later years of their lives they want their wives to perform this role. Housework is something that Indian men can't do (yea, now there are men who are doing it, but they remain a minority). The can't clean, they can't cook and they can't take care of their laundry. They need a woman to do this job for them. Other than doing that 9 to 5 job and watching cricket on television, this majority has nothing better to do.

Plus the Indian man unlike his female counter part does not have the courage to stay alone and live life all by himself. Loneliness is dreaded. Such men have no hobbies or interests that can engage their free time. Ya, Alcohol, porn, play station , television can be a temporary solace but it is no solution to battle loneliness.

The Indian society has in itself that they should leave around no man single. Somehow he is to be married of, no matter what it takes. Look around in your society, apartments, neighborhoods and even social functions, as compared to single Indian women there are few single Indian men. The society is quite pro marriage when it comes to the Indian men.

So why is it that the single Indian man needs a woman to complete him. Look around and learn, learn from your female counterparts who are single and happily living their lives. They don't need a man to complete them, their happiness quotient does not depend on marriage, they do not attend social functions or go to pubs just for the heck for finding a soul mate, they do not pressurize their parents to start looking out for a decent husband, they pursue their careers and rise up the corporate ladder, they maintain a strong social network, they have relations with different men, some of them even adopt a child or opt for invitro fertilization, they don't need a man. Yes there is a fair share of desperate Indian women in their 30's but compared to men , their numbers are quite low.

Why can't we learn something from them??? I am not asking you to adopt a child, I am not asking you to live like a woman. All I am saying is that learn to find your own happiness and have your single life filled with positive experiences. Read, travel, learn, focus on your career, take up a hobby or do something that makes you feel good. A woman is not the end point of all your happiness, there is life beyond marriage and a wife.

So go out there and live your life. Don't feel sad that you are single and did not get married and everyone around you is. Take control of your life and know this that your happiness does not depend on a woman. You don't need a woman to complete you.

Indian Women marrying less successful younger men!! Seriously!!!! I doubt!!!

The single Indian male came across the following blog in the  times of India, written an eminent writer.

The link is pasted below, kindly read it:

The 'little third' in a marriage!

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/O-zone/entry/the-little-third-in-a-marriage

The author states how some single successful women are not able to find good marital partners after a particular age and how they then try to hit upon successful married men.

The society considers these women to be the left over women and are viewed with a great suspicion and threat as they may break the  happy go lucky families by wooing the husband.

Some snippets from the blog:

"The discussions transported me back to a living room in Beijing a couple of months ago, where the topic of discussion was xiaosan or ‘The Little Third,’ a derogatory term used for women who ‘break up’ homes. The rampant phenomenon of girls brazenly targeting older, rich men has given rise to a fanatic rage amongst women in Chinese social circles. The Chinese are even considering legislation to make The Little Third pay damages for breaking a home!

Actually, the problem goes much beyond fatal attractions, extra-marital affairs or blame games. It is a real social issue that needs to be dealt with. An increasing number of women set upon building successful careers, miss the bus where marriage is concerned, waking up too late. The Chinese usually have interesting, though derogatory terms for such social categories and phenomena. This category of women is called ‘shengnu,’ or ‘leftover women’.    

Look around in your immediate vicinity; you will be surprised at the number of highly successful, unmarried women you will notice. Educated, well paid and confident, these women are not willing to lower their standards and make compromises. They may even be happy with single lives but come under overwhelming pressure from family to marry. And since all the good (read successful and rich) guys are taken, they do not have much choice.    

So it isn’t as if these women go looking for a married man to break up his marriage. These are the only available men who meet their standards. And surely, it is a test of character and of the strength of their marriages whether these men allow The Little Third to enter their sacred space or not. "

And the author offers a decent workable solution to such women

"A great solution would be if the successful women who already have it all, except a man in their lives, elected to marry down and marry younger – offer an unemployed and not-so-successful guy some privileges. The problem arises when they wish to have it all. For instance, Farah Khan married well, a younger guy with potential — Shirish Kunder — and even gave him a hand up professionally. Now they are happy with their triplets. When Kareena Kapoor linked up with Shahid Kapoor, she too would have ended up giving a leg up to a guy less successful than her; but things didn’t work out between them.    

So, how about it, women? Are you game for shifting perspective and looking a bit lower than traditionally acceptable? Choose and nurture men younger than you in time, if you are single and successful, and too ambitious to marry rightaway. Wouldn’t you love to be Sugar Mommies for a change? "

Ohhhhhh!!!! C'mon man , how can you be so naive. Do you really think that such successful Indian women will marry a less successful man or a younger person whom she will nurture. GOSH!!!! Looks like this author has lost sense of reality and is stating facts based on her wild and vivid imagination, she gives examples of people from the entertainment fraternity, the very lives of people which are not stable and are constantly rocked time and again under the glare of the media.

Sugar Mommies!!!!! Oh god!!!!! The truth is that such single successful women have very high expectations from their future partners, they are not willing to settle for less. Look around, look at all those online matrimonial sites, single successful women out there expecting a good look well settled husbands who can bring more salary home than them.

I have rarely come across a woman who has married someone who is less educated than her or earns a lower salary. This is the reality and it does not change in the materialistic Indian society.

Single, Orphan, Destitute and a not feeling sorry about it

In less than a month I will complete 32 years of my life on earth. When I look back , I will remember the old times, some filled with happiness and some with sadness.

Everyday I undertake efforts in order to achieve a better life and of course a better standard of living. However time and again, my past doesn't leave me alone, being branded as an orphan makes  it difficult for me to integrate into the mainstream Indian society.

So here I write , once more, on who I am and what I am. I am an Orphan, I am a destitute and I am single, single by choice, single by destiny and single due to ostracization and marginalization done by the Indian society.

And do I feel sorry about it??????? NO!!!! The answer is a plain no!!!!!!!! Why should I feel bad?????Why should I have self pity on myself????? For what??? What wrong have I done????

No,  I am not sorry for myself, my condition and the problems that I face.

With the years going by , my resolve becomes  stronger day by day, I see the Indian society from a different perspective and often laugh at its eccentricities.

On men who dishonour the family name

A lot has happened to women in India who have allegedly "dishonored" the family name. They have been murdered in the most gruesome fashion and some have been brutally gang raped. And for what?? Did they break the law??? Did they do something that was wrong???? NO!!!!!

All they did was to live their lives, to indulge in sex, to marry a person who did not belong to their community or for just roaming around with a guy. Is it wrong???? Which law in India stops a person from doing  things that I have mentioned??? Is is a crime to seek love??? Is it a crime to fulfill your carnal desires??? If men have desires so do women??? Why then such a deplorable attitude towards the fairer sex.

And what , what about guys who dishonor the family name?? What about them?? Are they killed or murdered in the manner that girls are??? Are they chopped into pieces??? Are they sodomized by a gang????? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After all they are  boys,  and boys will be boys for the traditional narrow minded patriarchal society!!!!!!!

In this post I would like to share my thoughts on how men in India bring dishonor to the family name, on how their actions can cause a lot of grief and anguish to a lot of families.

Kindly leave us alone

My dear single Indian male friends,

Greetings for the day!!!!!

Most of you guys must be enjoying your Sunday, same here. I write down this blog post for  the esteemed members of the Indian society to leave us alone.

Everyone it seems to have  a problem with the single Indian male living alone, why????I don't know dude? Looks like people just don't want to see a man living life all by himself. Home, social functions, office and no matter where you go, you are asked that one irritating question, dude!!! , why are you still single????? When are u getting married???.

So here I begin:

Please leave us alone!!!!! Don't you  have your own life to worry about??? Don't you have your own problems?? Don't you have your own family????

How the Indian society perceives orphans

Every year I happen to come across new situations, experiences and people. I become wiser.

This post is not about a complaint nor is about ranting on my situation. It is about a few points on how the Indian society perceives and treats the orphaned people.

So how does the Indian society treat us???? The best thing they do is to keep a safe distance from us. We are marginalized, segregated and treated as outcasts. It just seems that people don't want to associate with us.

There are times I feel that being an orphan is a lot worst than being disabled or incapacitated. Our lives are devoid of love and affection.

The general image that people get of an orphan is more from movies. People think that we have grown up in an orphanage home, lived a life of miserly, have bad habits, are criminally minded, have no social skills etc etc.

On the married arrogant average Indian males

Dear All,

Having written on the bragging and the boastful married Indian males, I would now like to dedicate this blog post to the arrogant married Indian males.

Before I begin , a lot of you must be wondering who are these arrogant average married Indian males???? They are the ones you find everywhere,in your housing society, at your workplace, public places, almost anywhere. They are ubiquitous.

But how do they become a problem to us, the single Indian males??? Simple , they show their arrogance that they are married, that they have a fair looking trophy wife ( a prized possession), they have children and are living a so called complete and happy family life.

Such men often look down upon  other single men with contempt and hatred. They often criticize the single men with statements like "You have been left out" " You failed to have a wife"  "You will die alone" "You have no family life and will never learn to enjoy", "You will become a psycho by living alone" and god knows what.

Pics from participation during the Marathon Season

Winter brings a lot of marathon events. The single Indian male participated in the unity run, the IRMA run and the greenathon. It was real fun. The pictures below depict it all :

Whom do you have to go back to??????

My dear single Indian male friends. Greetings for the Day!!!!!!

Often I have been asked this question, whom do you have to go back to after your work/office hours????Friends, relatives and  colleagues ask me this questions on and off. Some tell me that they have to go back to their parents and while the other state that they have to go back their spouses and children.

But the question put in front of me is , whom do I have to go back to??? Empty homes, silent rooms, with no one waiting for me and having my lunch and dinner in solitary spaces!!!!

So the single Indian male would like to answer to the members of the Indian society that we do have things to go back to after office hours and my answers come down in the following statements:

We do go back to our homes, for some it is a dream home which has been made out of hard work, bought on housing loans with payment of EMI's and it is our home.

We have a nice shower to go back to where we have the luxury of having a peaceful bath, for some enthusiastic people there is even a jacuzzi.