Think a 1000 times before commenting and criticizing a single Indian man-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

Our society is really strange. It expects people to fall in line and blindly follow all its norms and traditions.Those who don't follow the norms are taunted and criticized.The same happens with single Indian men who choose not to get married.

In an open letter I would like to convey the grievances that the single Indian men have towards the married folks and society.

It seems that passing cheap comments on single Indian men has become a common behavioral trait of the married Indian folks.These people don't even known why some men chose to stay single for their entire lives.

The single Indian man whom you are criticizing is a beast of burden in his family who has single handedly taken all responsibilities.He has got his siblings educated and married them off, additionally he is also taking care of his elderly parents.In meeting huge family responsibilities, he sacrificed his own personal life. This is his side of the story, something that married folks never cared to ask understand.

The single Indian man whom you are criticizing is still nursing a broken heart, it may have been a case of an unrequited love, it may have been the case of a strong affection between two individuals that never turned into a life long relationship.This man could never get over his past and has decided to remain single.

The single Indian man whom you are criticizing is a divorcee/separated individual having undergone pain and torture, courtesy: our police and judicial system that has time and again been biased towards women. A marriage that went sour, a wife that turned toxic, a women that went on a revenge mode  using the laws to make the life of the man and his family miserable. A huge alimony and maintenance was  paid.Emotional trauma associated with the separation of his child was unbearable for this man. A total destruction of marriage dreams that the man had seen. All this has made the man extremely bitter and he has decided never to get married again.

The single Indian man whom you are are criticizing comes from a dysfunctional family. He has faced physical and emotional trauma since his childhood. One fine day he left his dysfunctional family for good and settled in a big city, achieved professional success but could not get married as he did not want to show his dysfunctional family. The great Indian society does not accept a man who does not have a family.

The single Indian man whom you are criticizing has gained wisdom and maturity. he has realized that marriage is not worth it and has decided to go the Indian Mend going their own way (INDIAN MGTOW) route in order to live  a peaceful life minus tension or drama.

So my dear married Indian folks before you make fun of the single Indian man think 1000 times because every single Indian man has a story and I am sure that you don't have the courage to accept, digest or even tolerate his story.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

MGTOW

Living the life of a single adult orphan in India-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

Orphans have never had it easy ,especially in India.Children without  parents grow up being neglected, uncared, unloved, exploited and unwanted.Some children become orphans at the time of their birth while others become during some phase of their lives.Losing your loved ones at a young age is not easy and combine that with no support from near relatives, life is indeed difficult.

As a writer of this blog titled as "The diary of the single Indian male", I would like to share my own experiences living the life of an adult orphan.Now at the age of 35 , I have very much accepted my destiny. I don't know if I will ever find a soul mate.

What is it be an adult orphan in India?What is to live a wretched or cursed life? In the words of the famous Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevsky "Hell is living a life without ever being loved or being able to love someone". This statement sums up the lives of adult orphans. Yes, we adult orphans are living a life of hell.

At my age life has become a sort of routine: wake up, get dressed, go to work, come back, read books, watch movies and go to sleep.Am I not a human being? Don't I have any feelings?There are times when I wish that there was that special someone by my side. There is a wish to see a wonderful smile of a caring woman in the morning, but there is none. Empty rooms is something that I have always been coming back to after work.It has been so many years where I have had only loneliness to greet me.Initially it was difficult, now I have got used to loneliness.

As an adult orphan in India, you are pretty much on your own.You don't find much support in the society. There is no one in whom you can confide in, no one to share your feelings.A solitary life is forced upon you.

What is it that you miss as an adult orphan?You miss the human touch. Something that makes you feel human.It can be a hug, an embrace, a face to face interaction , anything that shows someones love towards you. You have no one to feel for you.Whatever feelings you have just get stored into you for years to come.The society deprives you of a soul mate just because you are an adult orphan.When was the last time you loved someone and she reciprocated her feelings? This is something that a majority of adult orphans are deprived of. A difficult life filled with hardships makes you pragmatic. You are not able to understand the fantasy of love that other normal people have. I guess, we adult orphans are too realistic with life. But that does not mean that we cannot love or care for someone.There are times when we want to have a meaningful relationship, there are times when we wish to be a part of a social gathering, unfortunately we have been denied this.As an adult orphan you have to live the hard way and accept certain bitter realities of life.

Being single post 30, you are bound to face ostracism, criticism and acerbic comments. Not being married after a certain age marks you as an odd man in the society. A single man post 30 working at a good position gets noticed by people.You get commented upon for your single status, people feel that there is something wrong with you. You  don't want share your personal problems with anyone and if you did, no one one will empathize with you. Social isolation is something that you have to face.No one will invite you at any social function.People tend to forget that you are human being.

Marriage is an integral part of life for everyone. Everyone gets married other than orphans.For adult orphans, the doors of marriage are closed.Your education, work, designation and salary does not matter.It does not matter that you are a self made man.All that matters is that you should belong to a decent well cultured family background. Hence we, adult orphans are nowhere possible suitors for a marriage.No one respects us for what we are. A few months back , a woman's father spoke to me and said "You have no parents, no relatives, how can I believe that you belong to a decent family background" As simple as that.And if you get a matrimonial interest, it will surely be from the dejected and rejected category of women who otherwise have no takers. It seems that people take our orphan status for granted and try to dump their unwanted daughters and sisters on us.

Not a day goes by when you think why your life turned out like this.You question your destiny and faith in god.Why is a normal life denied to you when you have worked so hard?Why are you treated so differently? There is no answer to this. Your life is empty and you feel left out.

And still in all this gloom, sadness and stoicism you see a ray of hope.You realize that if you have made it here  all by yourself, there is a possibility that you will go far ahead. There is a lot more that you can do and lot that you can achieve.You work on yourself everyday in order to become a better person.You work on building wealth. People who understand you become your best friends, you develop good relations in the community.You immerse yourself in creative activities.You travel solo in order to explore new places and meet new people. At the end of your life you don't want to look back and have regrets.

Lastly you don't give up on hope and strongly hold on to it knowing that one day there is going to be a positive outcome.

This is Bhaveen Sheth  signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

My bluntness and honesty is never liked

Yes!!!!! I am blunt and awfully honest. I speak about the reality. I speak the truth. I think the Indian society does not like this.It seems that everyone is used to sugar coated fantasy.

Being a single Indian man, I have my own thinking and my own way of living life. I don't bother others and expect others to reciprocate the same. But it does not happen. My Indian fellowmen and women have have a habit of constantly fingering me. On top of that I  get referred to unknown people looking for a prospective alliance for their daughters or sisters.

I have my own opinion about the Indian society and marriage.And in my opinion both have degraded to an abysmal level. My reason for staying single is strongly justified but my views are often found acerbic by people. I hardly bother about it.

When people speak to me regarding alliances, I speak my mind.I tell the truth about myself and put down my expectations very clearly and what I want. People talking to me often find it strange, some have also found me rude or offensive. Reality is not accepted by people. And that is the way I am going to remain. 

Experience has made me a pragmatist and blunt honesty did not kill anyone. On the contrary people realize the clarity from the start. 

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing out for the day and promise to be back with a lot more. 

Fyodor Dostoevsky and the single Indian man on hell, loneliness and suffering

The renowned Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevsky had once quoted

"What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love and be loved by someone"

Me and many single Indian men of my kind are currently experiencing this hell. It is not clear whether we chose single hood or single hood chose us but whatever the case be we are living a life of hell as per the quotes of Dostoevsky.In a society where everyone loves and cares for each other , we  are the ones who are unloved.This is the suffering that we are going through on a daily basis.

What was the reason that our life became a living hell?Was it a tragedy? A series on constant rejections on the matrimonial front?Was it a miserable marital breakup? Was it a case of unrequited love? We don't know.

Over the years we have become wise and made our choices, we have made peace with our decisions.Life goes on for us. Events, birthdays and festivals does not make any difference to us.There is no excitement associated with any such events.

As the sun sets and the night resumes, loneliness takes over.We don't have anyone with us.Everyone around us seems to be happily married and living a wonderful life. It is we who are the miserable lot.

Basic necessities like love, care and affection is denied to us. Feminism, materialism , gender biased laws and a new world order have made it difficult for us to seek companionship.Emotions have been stored within our hearts, emotion of love and affection that we would like to share with someone. Unfortunately we have to one to share our feelings with.

No one understands how deprived we are of an emotional touch. The denial of this touch makes us less human.

This is the life of many single Indian men in this country.This is something that the Indian society should know about them so that they can be treated in a humane manner. No pain is greater than lonely suffering and inability to share one's feelings.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth

Not interested in speaking to a woman's parents or siblings-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

I am no longer interested in speaking to a woman's parents or siblings. At 35 I am comfortable living a solo life, marriage no longer interests me. However I do get matrimonial interests, either from my profile on an online matrimonial site or through references of friends. 

It is the same story that I get to hear. The woman is not married, looking for a suitable match, her parents and siblings are worried for her and all that typical bullshit of an Indian family who has an unmarried daughter/sister sitting at home.

In the past few instances it has been the parents or siblings who have interacted with me. I just don't know why do they express interest in me when I have clearly stated everything about myself in writing.Maybe they are so desperate to get their daughter/sister married off that they will go to any extent.Now I am an adult orphan with zero family background, no close family ties and living all by myself.

The parents and siblings of the woman do all the talking, they ask all kinds of weird questions even after knowing everything about me. There are times when such conversations have left me embarrassed and humiliated. But this was the past and I have put the past behind me. Having gained the confidence and wisdom that comes with age, I chose to avoid any form of conversation with either the parent or the siblings of the woman.

Now c'mon, I am an adult who is mature and self dependent, I am no longer some immature kid.I am certainly not looking to settle down with some young nubile girl in her late teens or early 20's who has no experience of life in general. The age category of women that I get to deal are in their early or mid 30's. I am sure by this age people are mature enough to take their life decisions independently. Many women that I have come across are divorcees and separated.I am sure they must be mature by now. But lord almighty!!! It seems he has not given any wisdom to our adult Indian women as they cannot make their own life choices independently.

It seems that the unmarried adult Indian women still lack the confidence to talk to someone, make a decent conversation and build a rapport. Yes!!! Under confident and hesitant adults exist in both the genders. Here are the women who still rely on their parents and siblings to do the talking on their behalf. It seems that in this case feminism and women's empowerment has gone for a toss.

Now please tell me? How can you get along with a woman who cannot take her own life decision even after crossing 30. That phase of life when parents did all the talking has gone. The women past 30 in India are considered an off the shelf product (as per the popular thinking of the Indian society).Age is going by and the biological clock is ticking and yet our adult Indian women lack basic common sense.

Coming back to the topic of parents and siblings of the women.It seems that they have forgotten that their daughters/sisters have passed the marriageable age and are no longer considered marriage material.And yet, these buggers want the perfect match. Their would be in law must earn a six figure salary, he must have house in his name, a decent car and enough cash to take care of their lovely princesses. In most of the cases it seems that these parents and siblings are just window shopping and exploring their options in trying to get the best match. In my opinion I consider these people as cheap and uncouth. Their very way of talking shows that they are trying to have profitable trade off where in there is a win-loose situation in which they get profited and I bear the loss. And if I have to say something about their daughter/sisters (not being offensive), there is hardly anything good about them, be it looks,education, career or personality.

Being a fiercely independent person myself, I prefer to come across someone who can make her own life decision as an adult and stand by it. I have still not come across such a woman till date.

Hence I prefer not to talk to the parents or siblings of prospective woman looking for marriage. As an adult , change comes from withing, it should be the woman who should take charge of her life and make her own decisions, not the parents or the siblings.

I am am content with my solo life.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Why I no longer want to meet my old college mates-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-INIDAN MGTOW

I just don't want to meet my old college mates from graduation and post graduation days. Reunions are always good, but when such meeting become all about comparisons and criticisms, it is better not to go and meet such people.

My college mates comprised of the North Indians, the guys who had a typical North Indian mentality, the hindi speaking guys who had not seen the world outside the confines of their own homes. Some were moderates and some were traditional. I just maintained my distance from them. My interactions with them were related to studies and classes. Even during those days,I was a deemed pariah for them, some kind of enigma whom they could never understand.I may have been labelled as weird but I hardly cared. I kept  up to  myself, lived as per my terms, watched movies, eat alone, drove my 2 wheeler around exploring places, had my own set of close friends. I guess even in those days it was my individuality, self dependence and self assertion that affected them. They just could not understand how I could remain aloof and yet have my own life. They did their best to criticize me, label me and speak ill things behind my back. I hardly cared.

Fast forward to 2018, I am still living my life on my own terms, still single having no intention of getting married and am travelling to different places.Initially I did meet a few of these mates but it seemed that they had not changed. Even after all these years they still carry their age old mentalities. They don't understand why I am still not married and why did I have a career shift during my master's. Another idiotic thing is that they flaunt their so called married life and family. They tend to portray how successful and happy they are and indirectly convey that I am a loser. After  2 -3 such instances, I have clearly decided not to meet these guys. I have no particular interest in them.

Happiness is what you seek and what you are content with, it does not have to do anything with your marital status, earnings and other materialistic possessions. But wisdom will never dawn upon these fools. Over the course of life, I have made good friends who have accepted me for what I am never judging me on my past or my choice of lifestyle. When did being single become a taboo? I value these friends. I have also made good friendships with fellow backpackers and travelers who share a similar mindset. These are the people whom I cherish and admire, not those filthy narrow minded buggers with a typical north Indian mentality where marriage and procreation is the only thing in life.

If I have to share words of wisdom with my fellow single Indian men, then I would say just avoid those stupid reunions of meetings with fellow school and college mates who keep on criticizing and belittling you. Your time is just not worth it. Go ahead , make new friends and live your life.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off  for the day and promise to be back with a  lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

The single Indian man and the devil of loneliness-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM-INDIAN MGTOW

Loneliness is a devil that will always overshadow Indian men. No matter how happy Indian men try to be this ubiquitous and invisible devil will always try to make our lives miserable.

I myself have fought my own battles and have to overcome loneliness.Life in India is not easy for single people especially when you are living away from your family in a big metro city filled with unfriendly people.India has been equally indifferent to single Indian men, our single status bars us from attending many functions organized by close friends and colleagues. A feeling of being left out or being segregated seeps into us.

I have seen many single Indian men who pick up bad habits and get addicted to vices like drugs, alcohol, smoking, prostitutes and a lot more. Loneliness, depression and a feeling of being left out can have terrible consequences on one's psyche.Believe me, I have gone through my share of loneliness, however I chose to lead a good life without any vices of addiction.In this blog spot, I will share the wisdom gained through my own experiences.

First of all get a yearly diary and start journaling your daily experiences, feelings, emotions, habits and achievements. Day by day you will get an opportunity to introspect yourself. This one small but important activity will have a dramatic improvement on your personality.

Avoid all those places that remind you about being a single miserable loner.Stop attending marriage functions and social gatherings, refrain from visiting pubs and malls.I may sound cynical but the truth is that these people remind your being single and leaves you depressed.

Join a gym or a sports club, start practicing to run a marathon. Physical activity is a great stress buster. You will feel good after your workout.

Get into reading. I  mean serious reading. Subscribe 2-3 newspapers per day and read at least 5-6 newspapers on Sundays. Try reading all editorials, opinions and news analysis. Over a few months you will become a knowledge bank on current affairs. Start reading books, any genre, anything that you find interesting. Reads books on classic literature or may I suggest the list called" 100 books to read before you die". Buy a kindle e-book reader, download free e-books from the internet and copy it into your kindle. This will make your reading even more interesting.

Start watching English movies and American television series.With time you will develop interest in the same and will try to watch as many series as you can.

Start backpacking across India and the world, go live in youth hostels, meet fellow backpackers and expand your social circle.You will be amazed at the wonders that backpacking will do to your personality.

I can go around writing a lot more but would like to end my post here. This is your life. You can choose to be a happy single or a miserable single.You will have to fight and overcome the devil of loneliness.The more you work on developing your self and creative engagement, the better you will get in overcoming loneliness.Never allow loneliness to get to you. Go ahead and live your life.

Wish you all the best!!!!!

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.