The single Indian man takes inspiration from the book "The book of light" authored by Mr.Jerry Pinto and writes as a third person on dysfunctional Indian families.Taking an inspiration from this book and having spoken and interacted with many people coming from dysfunctional families, I write this post to give a real insight into these families and how it affects individuals who are a part of such families.
Family is the basic foundation of the society.Family is the source of our strength.In times of distress we look at our families for support. We share our joys, our birthdays, anniversaries, festivals and other happy occasions.For each and every individual his/her family is an ultimate universe.
But what happens when that very family of yours in not normal?What happens when your loved one hurts and betrays you? What happens when your family lets you down and disappoints you? What happens when your house becomes a battlefield, a war zone where conflicts are emotionally violent, violent enough to affect you physically and mentally.This is the truth about India's dysfunctional families and toxic loveless marriages.
Family is a revered institution in the Indian society. It is always picture perfect, it is infallible.No one is willing to accept that there can be something wrong with a family.Physical and sexual abuse are often widely spoken and discussed topics in the media. However no one talks about emotional abuse, the abuse that is responsible for multiple problems amongst the victims who are suffering from it. Emotional abuse is witnessed from childhood and goes on till adulthood.
What can you do when your loved one has a different mind?
A father who is frustrated, unhappy, uncaring, unloving, strict, nonreciprocating, having emotional outbursts, prone to substance abuse like alcohol and tobacco. What happens when he seems to be frustrated with his job and marriage? What happens when he has enormous expectations from you? You very well know. There is an absence of a father figure in-spite of having one.The man who happens to be your father ceases to be one.
What happens when your mother shows similar traits like your father? What happens when the person you love the most is strictly dominating you to the extent of emotionally smothering you.What happens when you realize that your mother is using you as a tool of manipulation against your own father and other family members? What happens when you don't see any compatibility between your parents? You constantly see your parents fighting with each other, your house is never peaceful.
And what if your grandparents were more toxic that your parents?Your grandparents did not love you for reasons you could never understand. You saw your grandparents adding fuel to fire leading to more disagreements between your parents.When things went bad, you saw your grandparents from both the sides coming and fighting with each other.It was one verbal duel to watch. You would ask yourself why did they fight so badly? Even street dogs never barked and fought so badly! Accusations and counter accusations follow. Each side blames their gods and destinies that why did they get their son/daughter married into such a disgusting family.
The near and far off relatives are no better. Social meetings and gatherings become some sort of a competition where parents boast about their income , careers, children and their achievements.And if you have performed averagely either in school,college or even in your profession, you get lambasted, insulted and ridiculed for no reason. The adults don't get along, jealously, rivalry and hatred are mutual. Social gatherings are just a formality in order to keep the tradition alive,
Then there are your siblings who have gone through a similar situation like yours. The behaviour of your parents has manifested into them. Years go by, you have grown up and things have become worse.Your brother fails to finish his education, if he finishes his education, he fails to get a decent job and if he gets a job, he fails to retain it for more than 6 months.In some cases he goes on substance abuse.He is sad and depressed. Maybe he has ideas of becoming a singer or a movie star and pursues it without result.Maybe he does not want to work and he starts his own business which eventually fails leading to financial debt and additional burden on the family.
Your sister finds it difficult to get married, if she gets married, there is a marital discord with her husband and in-laws.Eventually things don't work out and she gets divorced returning to your home sometimes with a child from her marriage.There are court cases that the family has to battle, dirty linen is washed in public.The taint and stain of the divorce stays on the family. Parents are more depressed than ever. What can they do when they have a jobless son and a divorced daughter sitting at home.And then it is you who is watching all this drama unfold in front of him.
How do your feel being deprived of love, care and affection?You wish you had someone to support you but it does not happen. Maybe you made that special friendship with the opposite gender, maybe you felt that she was your soul mate with whom you could share your entire life.How do you feel when that special woman used you to fulfill her materialistic needs, what do you do when you realized that she only wanted to take advantage of you.For a moment you are shattered, your world of dreams has collapsed. This is another betrayal from a loved one and it hurts.
You look forward to get married and sometimes it works out.Finally things are working in your favor, the marriage is fixed, the ceremony takes place and a new life begins.After a bliss of one year, the harsh reality sets in like a recurring disease. You realize that your wife and in-laws are emotionally abusive. They carry out the same abuses that your parents and relatives carried out. Things go bad, separation and divorce happens. Your wife and in-laws are hell bent on making your life miserable. A terrible legal battle follows that takes a toll on your health. And once again your are left at the same place where you started from.
As I end this post, I imagine how terribly dysfunctional families affects children in their formative years and shapes their behavior and adult life.When children are deprived of parental care, they grow up with a different personality finding it difficult to connect with others and fit into the society. They build walls around themselves and loneliness becomes a part of their lives. Those who get married give rise to another dysfunctional family.
This is what happens when your loved one is of a different mind.
This is Bhaveen Sheth singing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.
Bhaveen Sheth
INDIAN MGTOW
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