As a first person writing this blog post, I Bhaveen Sheth, would like to state that I am 37 years old and still unmarried, don't have wife, did not father children and I am very happy with my choices and lifestyle. My Dear Sir/Madam, you should not be shocked or amused that I am single.In my writings below I would like to speak with on a one to one basis.
I hope you are doing well. I had a conversation with you and we took it further. We discussed a lot of things and I believe you found me to be a nice and interesting person. The conversation then went on the personal side and you asked me about my family and I stated that I am still unmarried. You expressed some kind of shock or amusement at my statement. I guess you must have assumed that our like that a like you I too must be a married man. Back of your mind you must be thinking how come this man is still single? I can understand. In a society like ours every Indian man has to be married and settled with a wife and child by this age. unfortunately I am not.
I have my own reasons for being single. You see I don't have a family. This is what I can tell as of now. I don't want to get into details. If you care to read a few of my blogposts, I am sure you will understand the reason. I represent myself. In our country and society no decent family would want their daughters or sisters to marry me. After all it is all about reputation and honour, no matter who fake and superficial it may be. People are more interested in LOG KYA KAHENGE (what will be people say) rather than looking and assessing an individual. Our society is all about families and individuality is not acceptable. A decade I ago I tried my hand at matrimony, I was so naive. I faced multiple rejections, people were rude with me, they scrutinized me and looked down upon me with suspicion. By the time I reached 30, I realized that I had no placed within the society. Self respect does matter and why should I compromise it.
At the age of 29, I became aware about the one sided gender biased matrimonial laws of our country.I started doing more research in it and realized matrimonial laws has indeed become a sort of legal terrorism in our country. Families were destroyed and the lives of many many married men were ruined just because their wives filled multiple false cases under different civil and criminal sections in the police station and courts.I personally even met a few family lawyers who has dealt in matrimonial disputes, I narrated my story to them and everyone told me to be very careful. In India matrimonial alliances have become a trap where you can easily be exploited. You stand to loosed out everything that you have worked so hard to earn. Why the should I risk myself? And for what? Any cunning, deceiving and manipulative person will try to take advantage from me in a marriage. It is not worth it.
I also look at the modern marriage and the responsibilities it brings. Marriage and children are indeed a big responsibility. You must be a married man/woman with children or planning to have children. Sometimes I ask myself do I have it in me to become a good husband or a good father? Can I be a good provider or protector? Maybe yes , maybe no. But over the year that I have passed, I have gained maturity and a better insight of my own self. I just guess I am not marriage material, I lack the competency that is required to become an Indian husband in a conventional Indian marriage.
I value my solo time or me time. I love solitude and single living. Mental peace is more important for me. You can't buy mental peace. After work I would like to come home and relax preferably with a cup of coffee and a book/movie. I would like to go for a jog or to the gym. I prefer spending the late night by reading some good books or doing online courses to enhance my professional development. You see I have been living alone for the last 18 years and it has become a habit. Solitude can be addictive.
At times you must be thinking how can I live alone all by myself. Don't I feel lonely? Don't I go insane? No sir/madam, I don't. I believe in keeping my mind occupied through creative engagement. I read, I write, I travel, I watch good movies and recently i have started my by path towards spirituality by perusing yoga and meditation. Creative engagement is the best antidote to counter loneliness. Please don't equate me with those lonely men who are frustrated with their lives cause I am not.
You may have judged me, judged me for having bad habit. You must have already made up your mind that I am chain smoker, drinker or sex maniac. I don't blame you. The problem is with our society and media. It stereotypes single men in negative shades. But frankly speaking I don't have any such habits. I know the negative consequences of these things and I have no intention on destroying my life. I know that I will end up spoiling my health and ruining my hard earned reputation. I stay away from these vices.
You may counsel and advise me in getting married. You may state after an age everyone requires some sort of companionship and emotional support. But tell me sir/madam, will you refer your daughter/sister/near relative to me for a matrimonial alliance. I guess not. After all you also have a reputation to maintain. After all I am a man with no family background. It is very easy to advise others and difficult for follow or implement. Then also I thank you for your advice and appreciate your concern.
And yes there are those of you who think that I am a failure, a loser and a useless man just because I failed to get married, have a wife and did not father a child. You may think whatever you want. I give a damn. I don't have time for narrow minded and cheap people like you who judge a person only from his marital status.
There is a saying, to each one his own. Everyone has the right to live the way he/she wants. For some people remaining solo is a personal choice and one must respect that.
I hope I have clarified myself.
This is Bhaveen Sheth being blunt and clear.
Bhaveen Sheth
Indian MGTOW
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