This post does not seek sympathy or help of any kind from the people reading it. I don't expect any kind of help and sympathy from people which otherwise also I won't get. All I want is to state the reality of adult orphans in India.
At 37 you are much of an adult, you are mature enough to understand the complex dynamics of the world. At this age you feel that you have transitioned into adulthood, maybe I had done it a decade ago however I feel more confident. Adult orphans are still a minority in India. Very few make it to the professional front and those who do find it difficult to get acceptance in the society.
At 37 I have accepted to live with stoicism, I cannot undo the past and I have to live my present in order to have a better future. At 37, you are much settled behaviorally. You have realized that some things are not possible and one should not be delusional about it. Life goes on as a routine, home, job and home again. Work goes on as usual. Unlike married folks you don't have much to look forward to. You have accepted that attending social functions is not your thing. Such functions remind you of something you could not have.It is like a person on wheelchair watching a sprint race.
Now that I am have crossed 35, health is something that needs a lot of attention. Eat right and exercise though over the last 2-3 years I have become irregular with exercise and have been neglecting my physical health, something I feel guilty about. But 2020 has made my resolve to stronger wherein I would like to transform my body. Mental health is another area that has not be addressed, not that I am mentally ill. AT 37, I have decided to stay away from toxic people, the negative people, the whiners, the complainers and the critical people. Such people always have problems and no solutions. Years back I would listen to them but now I don't have the capacity. Toxic people carry a lot of negative energies and spread an aura that affects people to interact with them. I just want to such people in my life.
Loneliness is a problem that all single people face. It makes you vulnerable and despondent. Lonely people crave for a human interaction and wish for an integration into a social group. Lonely people can also become desperate for companionship leading to unwanted consequences and repercussions.
I have seen people go insane due to chronic loneliness and resorting to vices like eating junk food, smoking or consuming alcohol. Some single men end up becoming porn addicts or frequent visitors to brothels and red light areas.
I have learnt to live a lonely life right from my late teens and I am fortunate to have come across good mentors who have shaped my behaviour and outlook. It is during those lonely times that I found solace in reading, writing, journaling and watching good movies. These hobbies are cheap and inexpensive. They also engage my mind. There is always something for me to read, be it those books that I have ordered online or the 400 plus books save on my kindle e-book reader. I have three journals wherein I write about my feeling and down my positive thoughts. A decent internet connection allows me to download the latest movies and television shows. I had to buy an additional hard disk to stack store the movies I had downloaded.
At 37, I have given up on the idea of getting married. If truth be said,in today's materialistic times, marriage is certainly not worth it. It has become a transactional process where each one wants to get the best deal. Also the fact is that these so called decent and well respected families would never consider me as a decent match for their daughters and sisters. After all no one would wish to associate with a man who has no family. I also look around and see the rising cases on divorces and separations. Far too many people are stuck in toxic dysfunctional marriages that they have to endure for a lifetime. It is not easy to understand people are orphans having no families, it is not easy to understand a person who has lived alone for the last 18 years. At this age I often come across women are divorced or single mothers looking for a second marriage. I have nothing against them but I would not prefer marrying them as I have my own reservations. Then there are women who are in their mid 30's and behave like they are still in their late teens. They lack maturity and a sense of responsibility. Living in their own Utopian fantasy world they have a lot of expectations from marriage and a future husband. I cannot handle an emotionally immature woman and that is the truth. A person who has seen the dark side of life cannot get along with a woman living in her fantasies. This is the truth. I may change my mind and get married if I find someone who likes and accepts me for who I am.
At 37 I have no interest in women. People ask me how can that be possible? I guess at this age I value mental peace over everything. I enjoy my solitude and don't have time to go around seeking companionship. I have also realized that I am demi-sexual, it means that I cannot get attracted to a woman unless and until I am able to make a strong emotional connection with her. Making emotional connections requires time and efforts, it requires understanding and emotional investment. Unfortunately everyone just wants to tick off a checklist, make a match and get hooked. Call me old fashioned but I always believe in having meaningful conversations.
I am taking the path of spirituality and want to actively pursue yoga and meditation. Better late than never. Yoga for flexibility and meditation for mental peace. I have also started reading more and more books on spirituality. Gradually I am connection to my inner self. I strive to become a better person everyday and live a calm life.
My only support is my lovely and caring sister and her family. My sister is a guardian angel and acts a strong support system for me. I am highly indebted to her. Whatever achievements I have made is because of her.
I will keep living my life as a traveler, seeker and explorer. I will meet new people, I will improve the lives of others and in the years to come will become idol for many single Indian men who want happily live a single life.
I end my write up here.
Bhaveen Sheth
Indian MGTOW
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