Adult orphans don't need any introduction. We are a small community that exists in India. We are in our 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s. We are mature enough to handle responsibilities, way ahead of the people belonging to our age bracket and mentally strong to face difficult situations and challenges. Yes, we do exist and live like normal human beings. Some of us have lost our loved ones in a tragedy and some have left their dysfunctional families for good with no intention of returning back. We are a minute or minuscule population that exists.
The country and society that we live in is not easy. We as adult orphans are wrongly perceived and badly treated. Guess we are the odd ones out. Our society is not willing accept or accommodate different people. As Adult Orphans we are often mistrusted, doubted and looked upon with suspicion. Our own personality no matter how unique it may be or our individualism does not matter. The fact that we stand on our own feet is not respected. Our character is judged as we do not have parents or a family. We are not dangerous people just because we don't have a family background. We are not anti--social elements that pose a threat to the society. And still we are wrongly perceived. The reality of discrimination and ill treatment strikes when you move into the real world after your college like it happened in my case. I guess I was just naive. Companionship was denied. Looking at happy families having fun made be realize what I lacked. Empty homes was what I came back to and lonely weekends awaited me. Like all youngsters in their late 20's, I too had a dream, a desire, a feeling that I would get married one day and have a loving and caring spouse. However I was not prepared for what life had in store for me. During that search for a matrimonial alliance and a lifelong companion I was rejected, insulted and humiliated, courtesy: No parents or family background.Initially it was difficult to accept such ill treatment, later I got used to it. Over the years I gave up on marriage. For me, self respect and esteem mattered more, I did not want to loose it. I accepted my fate and became stoic. Even then people have a problem with me because I am still not married. I am often given unwanted advice, told that I am too rigid or have high standards. These very people who given me sound advises will never want their daughters, sisters or female relatives to marry me. Behind my back I am often ridiculed for not being married. One statement was " He does not have parents and he is not married". Over the years I have lived to learn a content life enjoying my own company. That is also liked by people. I don't care for what people think because majority of them are flawed. And yet they perceive us as humans having negative traits.
This post is on behalf of all those adult orphans who are presently fighting their own battles on their own and silently suffering. I just wanted to say that we too are human beings,we also have feeling and emotions.Fact is that no one listens to our problems and no one care how we feel. We brood alone and suffer in silence, our emotions are repressed and feelings are curbed. In spite of all this we have to put a smile and a normal demeanor and face the world. Not many can understand us We carry a burden, an inheritance of loss and suffering. The loss of our loved ones or the curse of being born on a toxic dysfunctional family whom we left forever never to return back. People with normal families can't understand or associate much with us. It is easy to pass judgement without giving much thought. We are not here for your superficial sympathy, we don't like it. Some of us may be introvert and take time opening up to others. The loss of a protective family cover makes us vigilant, we try to be extra careful. Mentally we are above the age of our peers. Loss of loved ones and difficult challenges makes us a mature person.
We are human beings and don't want to be treated as sub-humans. We lost our parents or were born into toxic dysfunctional families. This was our fate or destiny. We can't be blamed for it. Incidents happen, What matters is what we made out our lives. If we have done well in our educations and careers, then why are we not treated equally? On the personal front when we live a perfectly normal and healthy lives, then why are we perceived wrongly? Why do the majority consider us as abnormal people having problems? Why are we considered unstable and untrustworthy? Having a family or parents does not guarantee character, morals or the ability to take responsibilities and face challenges in life. By 38 ,I have come across many cases where people in spite of having parents and families have trouble completing their education, finding a job, keep the job, handling marriage and living a stable life. The parents keep on being supportive even when their children have turned into adults. I have come across grown up men being mamma's boys and grown up women being daddy's little princesses. I have often seen these grown up people in spite of having a family support finding it difficult to navigate through situations in their lives. If I were to compare myself and almost all other adult orphans, we are far better is living independent lives. However this factor is never acknowledged by the larger society.
There are times I wish that the majority would just understand us for who we are before passing judgement on us. Every one has his/her own story and before passing comments it is important for us to understand a person in context to his/her background. Giving sympathy to us is not something we want, we are tired of it. Not having parents does not make us characterless. Like all normal human beings we crave for companionship and a sense of belonging, something that has been denied to us. We make friends maybe limited friends but these are the friends who understand us without being prejudiced or judgmental, these are the friends who become a family to us willing to take a stand for us whenever required. We don't want to force our way, thoughts and ideals on anyone, we will go with the flow. Many of us struggle for find companionship in the opposite gender. It happens. The loss of our loved ones leaves a vacuum within us that is not easy to fill. It takes years for us to come in terms with what we have lost. The world filled with manipulative and materialistic people makes us vigilant.We have to be extra careful. Some of us go on being alone even in their 30s and 40s without getting married. It is not that they never tried to to get married. Everyone tries. However our society goes only by superficial appearances and show off. Lying and exaggeration appeals people, tell them the truth and they won't even look at you. Any adult orphan who is in his/her 30's and 40's will understand this. If they had ever tried for marriage they would have gone through their own rounds of humiliations and embarrassments.
This post is not about me telling my condition or begging for some alliance. No!!! This is on behalf of all those adult orphans who are living their lives and fighting for survival. As human beings and citizens of this country we have the right to live our lives, we have the right to be happy and we have to right to enjoy. We ask for nothing more than acceptance and equality, nothing more and nothing less.
We as adult orphans are not complicated, you just need to understand us.
Bhaveen Sheth
Indian MGTOW
