Time and again I come across articles written by feminist Indian authors glorying the fact that 30 plus year old Indian women should openly seek companionship with men without getting married.
Okay! Well Didi, I am okay with your thoughts but why is there a problem if a 35 plus year old single Indian man seeks companionship? Aren't men human being who also need to connect with other humans?
It seems that in India for men everything is restricted. I mean just look at the normal life of most Indian men; they are forced to study and excel at school, get good grades, entrance examinations, good college, bachelors and masters degree, job, CTC, buy a car, buy a house and what not. When was there a time time for them to engage is some activities of companionship. Other than a few men who get lucky , most of the Indian men have to go through the same old drudgery, fulfilling the expectations of parents, family and society.
There is a gradual rise in the population of single Indian men over the last decade. Men are finding it difficult to get married,others are divorced and separated and some wise men have decided to take up a MGTOW lifestyle. This is okay. The problem happens when these men after crossing 35 seek companionship from the opposite gender. Our society has a problem in labeling 35 year plus single Indian men to be perverts for reasons that are beyond my understanding. For the larger society single Indian men after a certain age should not be looking for companionship, they should either get married or take up a celibate lifestyle.
We all know that marriage is a complicated business. People don't even know if marriages will work out. After a certain age it is not easy to make changes and do adjustments. I am all in agreement with this. But should people give up on seeking companionship from the opposite gender?
To put my point clearly, I would to state that majority of the Indian men are law abiding citizens. They know that the police and judicial system is strongly biased against them. They would not do anything that will get them into trouble. So for all those who think that single Indian men are perverts, please dream on.
In India, it seems that for men , marriage comes with an expiry date. This is what the larger society thinks. Fair enough!! But does that mean that men should stop seeking company of the opposite gender? Why is asking a woman (of their age category) out on a date such a big taboo for mature Indian men? Is this privilege restricted to youngsters only?
Having spoken to many single and divorced men, there is one common thing that they have mentioned, either marriage or nothing. This is what their families and relatives tell them. There are men who got friendly with women and brought them to their apartment only to face the wrath of the other apartment members the very next day. These acche ghar ke pariwar people can't tolerate a single man bringing a woman to his house even though he owns the flat. After all our double standard society is all about parampara, sanskaar and prathistha. The most vitriolic of these protesters are the 55 plus year old Chachas who have been carried away by recent religious polarization in our country and have becomes the gatekeepers of morality. There are also single men who are having companionship of young girls. Guess it is the new age economy where the women exchange company for lunches at fancy restaurants, movies in mutiplex and trips to nearby locations. There are also men who go and visit massage parlors for some company. We all know what happens in those massage parlors but then it is his life , why bother?
The draconian laws related to marriage and extremely high expectations of women and their families when it comes to marriage has made many men realize that marriage is not easy. Those who have gone through a bitter divorce having contested it in the court don't want to ever get married again. Why then is our society forcing men to get married? And why shouldn't men seek companionship? Is there a law that stops men from doing it? In the constitution of India, each and every citizen is given the life to liberty and live his/her life as he/she wants so long as the law is not being broken. Then why is that we the collective society shame a single man in the company of a woman. Why are people taking up the role of a moral policeman.
Companionship does not mean marriage. If that were the case why are so many marriages filled with people who hate each other and are yet married? For the Indian society marriage is the end of all things. It is time for men to explore relationships without getting married. There is nothing wrong in having a short term relationship, if things don't work out , you can part ways. There is no point of getting married after 35 especially for men (planning to write an article on this). I have come across plenty of embittered men in their 40s and 50s. They only dreamt of getting married, they fantasized of that wonderful woman coming their lives and bringing happiness. Unfortunately nothing happened. Life is not that hindi television serial or bollywood movie that showcases the picture perfect life.
To all single Indian men, your time is now and you need to live your life. Don't carry regrets and disappointments to your grave. There is no shame is seeking companionship of a woman. Don't bother about what the society and family will say. This is your life , go and live it.
Bhaveen Sheth
Indian MGTOW
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