As a single Indian man having lived alone for the last 22 years of my life, I often get asked on how do I come back to an empty house with no one to greet me. How do I manage to live in a house all on my own? To this, I answer that it is better to come back to an empty house rather than have an emotionally abusive, toxic and nagging wife in the house who just treats you like a doormat.
Emotional abuse of married Indian men is a topic that is hardly ever discussed. A lot of married Indian men put up with emotional and physical abuse at the hands of their wives for the sake of their children and society. No married Indian man will ever confess that he is facing emotional abuse and violence due to family reputation and shame. The recent case of Hollywood actor Johnny Depp and Amber Heard highlights the topic of husband's emotional abuse.
I am often asked why I still don't try to get married? At least give it a chance! I just listen and get on with I am doing not bothering at the opinion of people. At this age, solitude and mental peace is all that I want. Solo life and loneliness has made me realize the importance of emotional health. How peaceful is to just be your own self and not having to live up to the standards of the society.
I often tell post 30 single Indian men looking for marriage or even the ones in their mid and late 20s to introspect their decision on getting married. I am certainly not against marriage but i advise Indian men to strongly evaluate and analyze their choice of a life partner. It is easy to be blinded and influenced by beauty, looks, fair skin and a good figure. Many Indian men do not see the red flags or rather are not made to see the same considering the fact that in arranged marriages, the women put up their best behaviour.
I have written a write up on emotionally abused husbands in my blog.You may please read the same in order to get a better perspective.
Our society has rapidly changed in the last 2 decades. Barring the super rich high class, the responsibility of being a provider, protector and caregiver lies with the Indian man. He is indoctrinated with this philosophy since his childhood. Thirty years ago just having a job and bringing salary was the only expectation from the man. Today he is supposed to buy a minimum 2 BHK, a mid segment car, have an annual package of seven figure salary. All this because of comparison and false glorification on social media. Today's new age women expect all the previously mentioned things from a potential spouse as if it were their constitutional right. Now what happens when the expectations of the woman keeps growing even after marriage and the man in spite of all his efforts is not able to live up to her so called dreams and expectations? The answer is comparing with other successful men, nagging, taunts, jibes and emotional abuse.
The last decade has has strongly influenced women, thanks to the easy access to internet and social media. More and more women are having an extreme sense of entitlement and have turned into woke, leftist liberal pseudo feminists. They want all amenities and facilities without really working hard for it. False feminist narratives written by leftist liberals have brainwashed them into thinking that they are a special and a privileged lot. Many of them are not even rooted to their own culture or religion. The current eco-system especially the one seen on social media only focuses on looks, beauty and fan following. Hence it is not a surprise to see young women making dancing and lip syncing videos on social media just to gain validation and increase followers. Some of them are posting enticing digitally edited photographs in order to gain popularity on social media. Now these girls lack basic life skills including cooking,housekeeping and laundry. For them everything happens at a click of a button through the various apps (zomato, swiggy, big basket). Some are so over pampered by their parents that they can't face the realities of the outside world while others who belong to separated homes develop an intense hatred for their fathers. Some of them are so emotionally messed up that they require psychiatric counselling. Please read this paragraph carefully to get a real insight into what can ruin your life if you oversee the red flags.
When these women reach a marriagable age, their parents look for a suitable match. When presented through online matrimonial apps or family arranged meetings, the men are easily charmed by beauty and looks. Something that should be obnoxious is easily liked by men and found acceptable. Six months into marriage the true colours of the woman come out and then starts the cycle of emotional abuse.
Today even at 40, I am asked told that there are so many 30 plus single women out there and I should give marriage a chance. I have seen and met many of them and let me tell you, that barring a few, many of these women have extremely high standards when it comes to a life partner, some of them are still living is a dream world thinking that their charming prince is going to come for them.Others behave like teenagers even after crossing 30. Many of them are not emotionally capable for marriage. Some just want to get married because they want to move out of their parental homes, tired of constant nagging by parents(for being single after30) and being treated as maid by their brothers and sister in laws. Others just want to gain a marital status as they feel left out considering all their friends have gotmarried. Now tell me what happens when marriage just becomes a compromise or an adjustment?
Single Indian men must understand that not getting married is not the end of your life. If you are taking good care of your parents and financially supporting them, then you are doing your dharma of Lord Ram or Shravan. Times have changed and you have an easy access to all kinds of entertainment or engagement. You can go to coffee shops or bars. You can attend book fairs and film festivals, explore new dine outs in your city, catch with your school and college friends. Finally when you come home, you can catch up on reading, your favorite movies and web-series streaming on different platforms, upskill yourself and a lot more.
Today at 40, I look forward to coming back to my home. A strong black coffee awaits me. There is peace and solitude. I am not nagged or criticized. I refuse to live up to the set expectations of another women who is living in my house without contributing anything substantial. I am no longer willing to confirm to the materialistic standards of our society that just believes in splurging money on expensive homes, cars and parties. Where the hell did the concept of minimalism go?
Hence I end this post by stating that it is better to come back to an empty house than to a toxic, nagging and abusive spouse. I sympathize the younger men who are getting married or in the process of getting married. God only knows what they will go through after six months of getting married.
Bhaveen Sheth
Indian MGTOW
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