Being an Orphan in India is difficult. A lot of people think that orphans
are like Huckleberry fins or Oliver twists, worst , people have an image of an
orphan right from the 70's and the 80's Bollywood movie, that of a child wearing a torn banyan and shorts wit a bowl in his hand begging for Alms. They can't
imagine an Orphan having a good corporate job.
Anyways let’s leave the Historical facts behind, but as an orphan I
often have to lie about my real
identity, when asked about my family background, i just say that they are in
their Home town living a retired life. This one statement shuts the mouths of a
lot of people.
I don't reveal my identity to anyone often living the life of some kind of
double agent or spy. There are reasons for this, our society does not like
orphans, people are nosy and privy of other people’s lives and if given a
chance they find weakness of those who are gullible and will exploit them. This
justifies my reason to lie.
People get a shock of their life when I tell them the reality, the worst
part is that some tend to show unwanted
sympathy which is totally uncalled for.
There are chances of my being rejected for a job, if I tell my interviewers
the truth All that philosophy of the self made man in bullshit. Indian
recruiters consider orphans to be risky candidates and don't want to take any
chance. I always have apprehensions when I have join my new work place, it is
mandatory to document a permanent home address and I ,being a homeless destitute
have no home, I somehow manage to evade that get through
On the personal front things do get difficult at times, home owners who give
their apartments on rents ask for a permanent home address and the phone no of
a person whom they can speak to in case of an emergency, this leaves me in a
fix, fortunately over the years i have made some close relationships who are
there to stand by me in difficult times.
The society tends to forget that we orphans are human beings and have the
same needs as that of normal human beings. I suffer from emotional deprivation,
that is lack of sensory human touch, I have not been loved or hugged, hence the
basic emotions in me are completely missing. I also find it difficult to
approach the opposite sex, the fear of abandonment sends a chill down my
spine. I always come back to an empty room after work having no one with whom I
can share my feelings and thoughts with.
Festival and birthdays have just become another day on the calendar, they
come and go and over the years they seem to have lost importance in my life.
Marriage becomes a difficult proposition; no one wants to marry an orphan or
wants their daughters/sisters to marry an orphan. People seem to have formed
their own notions about me, they feel that I have No SANSKAAR or good
upbringing as i have had no parents. They ask for a guarantor, and when
they realize that even my guarantators are not related to me (in blood line)
they reject the proposal.
Not that I am the desperate Average Indian male who is somehow looking to
get married but we orphans also feel the need for a soul mate. After crossing
the age of 30, I have given up on marriage, it is better to live with dignity
rather than be humiliated in each and every meet with a potentials girl’s
family.
India may have made a remarkable progress but the attitudes and customs have
remained unchanged over the years. The ethics and morals have been eroded from
the society gradually.
An added insult to orphans like us is avoidance and shunning by the society.
For some reason i am avoided, no one calls me for any social functions or
gatherings, if someone is getting married, i get no invitation. I am not
jealous of someone getting married, what hurts me is that i am selectively
avoided. I am yet to find the reason for this.
People make presumptions about me; i am often labelled as gay, impotent,a
person who is running away from responsibilities, a son who left his home forever
or someone who has views which are antisocial. It is very simple, a lot of
people just cannot stand up to my views on the double standards of the Indian society;
most of them live in a fantasy world and find it difficult to come in terms
with reality.
I am emotionally crippled and due to this i don’t associate myself with a
woman, feelings of love are difficult for me to be expressed. And in case if I
am abandoned and jilted, i may turn into a violent fanatic who may take a
terrible path.
I try to live an independent and normal life, always keeping myself busy and
doing some creative work. I dream of having a small house of my own and living
a peaceful life.
Being an orphan has shown me the ugly side of our SO CALLED GREAT INDIAN
SOCIETY, in simple words, i just say it is horrible.
Over the years I have turned into an atheist. I always ask the almighty,
that what had I done to deserve such a life???? I find no answer.
Many a time’s hatred and anger levels surge in my mind and I do have a
difficult time in controlling such negative emotions. Lately I have taken up
breathing exercises in order to calm down.
Still I continue to live my life. My only dream is to now live the life of
an individual. There is some much to learn, some many things to do and plenty
of places to explore.
I await redemption, the same redemption that Mr. Andy Dufrane got in the movie Shawshank Redemption.
This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day, will be back with more.
Regards,
Bhaveen Sheth
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