In less than a month I will complete 32 years of my life on earth. When I look back , I will remember the old times, some filled with happiness and some with sadness.
Everyday I undertake efforts in order to achieve a better life and of course a better standard of living. However time and again, my past doesn't leave me alone, being branded as an orphan makes it difficult for me to integrate into the mainstream Indian society.
So here I write , once more, on who I am and what I am. I am an Orphan, I am a destitute and I am single, single by choice, single by destiny and single due to ostracization and marginalization done by the Indian society.
And do I feel sorry about it??????? NO!!!! The answer is a plain no!!!!!!!! Why should I feel bad?????Why should I have self pity on myself????? For what??? What wrong have I done????
No, I am not sorry for myself, my condition and the problems that I face.
With the years going by , my resolve becomes stronger day by day, I see the Indian society from a different perspective and often laugh at its eccentricities.
I am an enigma to a lot of people , near and close. People often wonder why I am so different?? Why I am so eccentric and why I happen to life my life in an odd manner???
I don't feel sorry for the way I live and what wrong am I doing??? I live alone in an apartment all by myself, so what?? What wrong am I doing if I am self occupied/indulgent and live for my own self?? Is self indulgence a crime??? I m not feeling sorry for the way I live because I am happy with the same.
To the outsiders, my ways of living appear to be austere and frugal, it is often commented that I am a miser. They ( they people of the Indian Society) often say " You earn so much, what are you going to do with all this money". Strange!!!! It is this very society that believes in savings , savings and investments for a better future and yet it criticizes those who save money. If I were considered to be a miser, I would not feel sorry on the being the same. There is a difference between necessity and luxury and strangely my fellow members of the Indian society do not understand this simple logic.
My reclusive attitude is questioned , people often state that I am a loner. Yes, I am a loner, and I choose to be a loner because I don't find acceptance in your society made up of filthy double standards. I have no patience for your superficial rules, norms, rituals and practices. And I am not sorry at the state that I am in.
My pragmatism is taken as negativity, oh great!!!! If I am practical and make decisions on facts and figures rather than fantasy and dreams , I am accused of being a negative person. I don't complain, the problem is that I am surrounded by a lot of people who happen to live in their own Utopian dream land, much of it is borrowed form movies, television , media and lives of celebrities. But when I make an in depth analysis and a factual assessment, I am labelled to be a cynical and negative. But I don't feel sorry, the pragmatists are often treated as if they were a pariah.
My relation with my sister in another enigma to a lot of people who get close to me. They often question the existence of this relation, they often say that we do not have blood relation, they often say that one day she will get busy in her own life and will abandon me. People are not able to understand that how can a person put immense trust in someone blindly??? I guess to do that you need to be an orphan , you need to be abandoned, you need to be emotionally deprived of all love care and affection and may be then one will understand. My sister has resurrected me from being a lost soul and has nurtured me to be a human being, something that no one close to me could do. And when people put up such baseless questions, I don't feel sorry. Why should I?? After all with whom am I having an argument???? These people often don't keep a track of their own lives because they have their own problems which they can never solve and yet they comment on my life and relations. No , I don't feel sorry.
I use my free time in order to undertake courses that will enhance my learning and development. This will help me in building up my professional credentials and profile and give me knowledge and skills to undertake more responsibilities. It is a way of keeping myself engaged in my free time. A lot of my married friends and colleagues are not able to do so as they are preoccupied in their own family and social responsibilities. There are comments on my being unsocial and not going out to meet people, Yaaa sure!!!!! And what is there outside my dear sir/madam, other than those useless shopping malls and multiplexes which offers you nothing and cleans up your wallet!!!! Why is it that continuous learning and development is never taken seriously???? And for those who do take it seriously (like myself) , often get criticized, rebuked. And certainly I don't feel sorry on keeping myself engaged and improving my knowledge and skills.
The last most avoidable topic is of course marriage. Staying single often invites a series of useless questions and remarks.In some of my previous blog posts, I have clearly mentioned that I am an orphan having lost my parents many years ago. Having no family background makes marriage a difficult proposition. And over the years I have given up, I am no beggar, I am not desperate. I have realized that people like me just don't fit into the so called requirements of the Indian Society. However people don't understand that. They often say that I have high expectations, that I demand too much from a future partner, that I am confused with what I want. This goes on and on. It is strange, people don't want orphans to have expectations. They think that we are street side dogs who are supposed to eat whatever is thrown on to them. It has happened with me. Years back when I was actively searching for a life partner, I got invitations from the divorcees, the double divorcees, the separated, the physically challenged and what not. They were the ones whom no one wanted to associate with , so their parents and siblings thought that I was some kind of a garbage box to be treated as a last resort in order dump their other wise unwanted daughter/sister once and for all and get rid of a major responsibility. Pathetic, just pathetic. My orphan status makes people think that I am supposed to deal with any shit that is thrown on me. I refuse it, I choose not to, I choose to live a single life filled with honor rather than make such compromises. I am not sorry for my single status, it is better to leave in peace being a single man than submit to the horrors of a compromised marriage.
Concluding this post all I can say is that I don't feel sorry for myself. After writing this post I feel will get immense mental satisfaction. Even after all odds that I have faced, I have been able to make a mark, I am gradually rising in my career, living a happy and contended life, able to save and invest money, to grow academically and spiritually, to get respect for my knowledge and skills and undertake travels across this great nation.
I am single, I am an Orphan and I am a destitute. Last week I realized that I was a MANGLIK, it meant that my prospects of getting married were extremely limited. HAHAHHAHAHAAHA, I laughed over it, just another tool of hypocrisy practiced by the Indian society.
And I don't feel sorry, not for myself and not for others.
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