BHAVEEN SHETH-DOTSIM- Single-hood is empowerment

Bhaveen Sheth -The writer of this blog discusses on the empowerment that comes with single-hood. Many Indian men who are currently living a solo life should feel happy and make the best use of their time. There is no greater happiness in India than solo living. In spite of many Indian men happily living a single life, Indian society finds it difficult to accept their status.Single-hood brings freedom, empowerment, liberation and a path to discover ourselves. 

Men's empowerment never features anywhere in the media. It is never discussed over any television debates.What makes Indian men empowered? Is it our education, job, salary, benefits, marriage? The answer is no. Materialistic things bring temporary satisfaction, not empowerment.

There is no happiness than being yourself. Admit it!! Do we Indian men live our lives? Are we able to find out who we are and what we want? Do we even have choices? NO! We are supposed to live are per the defined patriarchal norms of the society. During our childhoods we have to live as per the expectations of our parents and later as per the expectations of our spouses.

Singlehood in India has always been vilified. The general mentality is that if you are single beyond 30, there something definitely wrong with you. That is far from the truth.

Singlehood brings its own set of responsibilities. As you are on your own, you have to do your own chores. There are a different set of skills that you learn in order to survive and thrive. You have to buy your own grocery, clean your house, cook your own food, wash dishes, make your bed and a lot more. You are responsible for your own life so you take good care of yourself. 

Empowerment comes when you are not dependent on anyone for your physical or emotional needs. It makes you independent and self reliant. You become your own best friend. There are no criticisms or taunts coming from a spouse/partner.

Here, I am not advocating that every Indian man should life a single life. All I am saying is if any of you readers are single because of unresolved problems, separated/divorced or widowed, then please stop brooding on your present status. There are bad phases in everyone's life. Don't get disheartened. Pull up yourself and get along with your lives. Celebrate single hood.

Eventually Indian men get married. Because unlike our educated sophisticated urban Indian women, we men don't have sky high expectations. But till you get hitched , enjoy your bachelor life and make the best of it. Trust me , you will develop a lot of self confidence. Just work on yourself and become a better person. This is real empowerment.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-What has become of the Indian Man?

In this blogpost, I , Bhaveen Sheth, the Single Indian  male would like to put my grievance on what has become of the Indian man. This applies to men across this country and those working abroad.I write on the growing frustration of Indian men.

So what has become of the Indian man?What are we? Who are we? Do we have our own identity? No!! I don't think so.

From childhood our gender has been used by our patriarchal grandparents and parents to look down upon other people within the extended family and neighbourhood. We are nothing but flag bearers of the family name.

Our mothers have used us as a reference point for comparing with children of other women.Our childhood is of no concern to anyone. Marks and accomplishments is all that matters.

Since our birth we were taught to hate the opposite gender. We have been brainwashed in dominating women. Girls and women have been portrayed as our enemies.

As we grow, we are forced to participate in rituals we hate and social functions we don't want to attend.

We are compared.skin colour, height, looks, academic achievements and what not. People forget that we are human beings and children.

Teen years bring a lot of hormonal changes within us and we desire for female companionship.But in the Indian society, dating comes with its own terms and conditions. Those who are average Joes don't stand a chance to date a girl.

And do we even stand to choose the career of our choice? NO!! We are intimidated into taking up traditional and safe career choices. Why? Well, because we have to continue the family's professional legacy of being a doctor , engineer, business graduate or we have to follow the herd mentality or may be we have to fulfil the unfilled dreams and desires of our parents and grandparents.

We are not allowed to think, act, behave and live the way we want.Our careers choice are compared with others.

In our 20's . jobs , salaries and compensation benefits become another reference point. You are supposed to work in a renowned organization, draw a hefty six figure salary and get the best of all benefits.And what happens when you don't meet the above criteria? You get labelled as a wasted good for nothing looser.Society does not respect unconventional careers choices;it detests people who who do the same.

We are not settled properly in our careers and the talk of marriage comes up. No one understands that we need minimum 3 to 5 years to settle down in your careers.

You can't marry the girl of your choice, if you do, it once again comes with its own terms and conditions.Parents will go around hunting the beautiful houries around town who fit into their criteria. Marriage is nothing but a win win trade off situation wherein the salary of the groom and the beauty of the bride is matched and holy matrimony is solemnized.

Post marriage it is our wives who use us a reference point for comparing with husbands of other women.We are forced to buy a car we don't need and a house (minimum 2 BHK) we don't want.Courtesy: Our wives and in-laws.

In case of marital discord, we face legal terrorism. There are more that 15 anti male , female biased marital laws present in the judicial system of this country. We are slapped with worst charges.

Only and ignorant fool will say that marriage is a bliss for a man in India.We are overburdened with unwanted responsibilities and sky high expectations.Sex becomes a manipulative tool that wives use against their husbands.Many husbands are not served breakfast or lunch when they leave for work. You can see these husbands eating all forms of junk food on different food stalls lined up outside their corporate offices.

Emotional and verbal abuses have become part of our lives.First at the hands of our parents and relatives and later at the hands of our wives. Loneliness in spite of being married is now becoming a normal thing amongst married men.

This is what has become of the Indian man. This is what our society has moulded us into. We are the family torch bearers, the Rams and Shravans fulfilling the expectations of other people, tag along  FRIEND for women, unpaid bodyguards, disposable ATMs, provides, protectors, norm followers, keepers of compliances, alimony providers, sperm donors, solace for the dejected and the rejected women, timely payers of EMI's and home loans.

This is what has become of the Indian man.

Bhaveen Sheth signs off and promises to write a lot more

BHAVEEN SHETH

Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM- They just don't understand us!!

Bhaveen Sheth, the writer of this blogpost writes on the lack of understanding or to put it as misunderstanding that people have about singles in India. Indian society makes its own presumptions and takes us for granted. So here, I state ,why people do not understand us?

People don't understand.They just don't understand the trials and tribulations that we (singles) have faced. They just don't understand the battles we put on everyday in living a single life.They just don't understand our loss, grief and suffering. They just don't understand that we lost our parents, that we come from dysfunctional and separated  families. They just don't understand that we grew up in an atmosphere devoid of love and affection.They just don't understand that we are products of  fractured parenting.They just don't understand the countless solo nights and solitary evenings we spend dreaming for a better life.They just don't understand that our own birthdays and religious festivals have stopped being of any importance to us.They just don't understand the emotional deprivation we undergo.They just don't understand on how hard we tried to be a part of the Indian society and how we were debarred.They just don't understand the inner demons we battle everyday.

There is plenty to write on the lack of understanding that people have for us, but I will stop my writing here.I hope that single people who come from similar backgrounds will empathise with this.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day, will be back will be a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth- DOTSIM- Director Kanu Behl speaks on his dysfunctional family

Bhaveen Sheth - the writer of this blog puts down the true revelations of Indian film director Mr.Kanu Behl. He has directed a movie TITLI that was released in October 2015. In a website he stated that he drew inspiration to direct this  movie based on his own experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional family.

Mentioned below is his statement:

I grew up in a typically patriarchal North Indian family, fighting the dominant presence of my father and the apparent tyranny of him forcing everything down my throat. I rebelled and tried to get out. Run away whenever possible… sometimes even getting close.

The disappointments of aborted attempts aside, each time the desire got stronger. Until eventually, I managed to get to film school, where I decided to construct my own world from scratch. Deleting everything that I hated about my family and their way of life. I made my own rules. Swore to live by them. And setup the utopia. Intent on making things happen my way. The perfect way! However, slowly realization set in that the obsession to get rid of oppression had become so that I had almost imbibed it within myself completely. I was slowly, almost invisibly, becoming what I had hated. In totally different, yet scarily similar ways, I had started behaving like an oppressor towards people who were close to me in my life.

That is what Titli is about. That family is who you are. That roots cannot be dug out. That freedom is not escape. And what the protagonist does when he sets face with this realization. Because I would like to believe that there is a way back, however treacherous, towards home and true ʻfreedomʼ.

Titli is an award winning movie. A movie that anyone who has grown up in a dysfunctional family must watch.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the I promise to be back with a lot more