Indian men who have been forced to give up on marriage

The single Indian man speaks on many Indian men who have been forced to give up on their dreams of getting married and remain single and celibate for their entire lives.

Forced bachelorhood is now becoming a common thing amongst many single Indian men who are very well in their 30's and 40's. Unlike those single Indian men who have remain single out of choice, these men dream and seriously want to get married but are not able to find any suitable women for marriage.

Blame it on the skewed male female or high expectations of women, these men stand out to lose a lot.

A big percentage of these men belong to middle class and lower middle class families , some may belong to an upper middle class family but still they retain middle class values.

These men are average in their achievements and generally get by in life. They hold basic educational qualifications and have a junior or middle level jobs in organizations. Their salaries can have needs fulfilled but cannot but them luxuries.These men are not independent and stay with their parents.

Every matrimonial alliances they come across have high expectations in terms of salaries, designation, materialistic expectations which these men can't meet. Rejections and disappointments happen repeatedly. This trend continues even when they have crossed into their 30's.

I don't look down on these men. Not everyone is an IIT-IIM professional or a doctor or engineer. Some people are average and they do have the right to exist and make a living. However with the matrimonial markets filled with extremely high demands, expectations and groom comparisons, these men don't stand a chance. It is not that all women are out of their league, many women are of a similar class, unfortunately they want to get married on the next higher level of the financial pyramid. There are innumerable amount of these middle class Indian women who will prefer staying single rather than getting married to men of a similar class.

After constant rejections these men and their families give up on any hope of getting married and stoically accept a single life with a lot of disappointment and disgust. There will a generation of men who were born in their 70's, 80's and even 90's who will have to accept a single life with dejections and rejections.

This is a reality, since no one mentions about this in the mainstream media, I chose to do the same.There is nothing that I can do, however I will be writing two additional posts giving my advice to these single Indian men and their parents and how they need to move and accept this single life.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and I promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH-INDIAN MGTOW

How these feminist statements have ruined the lives of tens and thousands of Indian women-BHAVEEN SHETH DOTSIM-INDIAN MGTOW

Bhaveen Sheth the writer of this blog writes a post on one of the brainwashing techniques used by feminists and feminazis in India through affirmations and statements on single urban Indian women. These statements have had terrible consequences on the lives of tens and thousands of Indian women leaving them single into their 30's and 40's:

"Koi accha ladka to milna chaihye" (I should be able to find the right guy), I will settle down only when I find the right person, I am still to come across with my Mr.Perfect.  These are nothing but feminist statements made to India's women in order to force them to keep finding the right guy (who does not exist) and keep on rejecting every decent man they come across.

What has this lead to? Well, it has lead to tens and thousands of Indian women being single now in their 30's and 40's with limited chances of finding a soul mate. They are now branded as left over women who hardly have any takers. Telling the truth, Indian women are not strong enough to live a single independent life on their own, of course there are exceptions but then I would go with the law of the majority. On one side you are made to grow up with the fact that you will get married, have a loving husband, lovely children, a family and happy family life and on the other side you are not able to get married because of the thinking you have picked up from these feminist statements. This leads to women who have a conflict within themselves. This makes them very toxic.

I am not a misogynist or a patriarch but if I have to put the general opinion of the Indian society, I state that the single Indian woman has marital value till she is 30, after that she is  considered as an off the shelf product. Marital prospects decline after she crosses 30.Feminist statements make these women think that they are god's own creation and they are entitled to have the best man but in reality a majority of these women have their own fundamental flaws and shortcomings that they tend to overlook. In the process of rejecting men and marital prospects that come along, these women cross their marriageable ages. And now they are well into their 30's and 40's , living a single life filled with unhappiness, despair and gloom resigned to a life of loneliness. They fail to realize that if they had kept moderate expectations, things would have worked our and by now they would have been happily settled down.

This is the bitter truth about feminism and women's liberation. This has ruined the lives of tens and thousand of single Indian women living urban cities of India.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth-INDIAN MGTOW

Words of wisdom to all single Indian male IT Professionals from Qoura-BHAVEEN SHETH-INDIAN MGTOW

The single Indian male was browsing through some popular write-ups on quora.He cam across an interesting write up on advice to a single Indian male IT professionals on what they need to do in order to improve their personalities and become better human beings. Please find the tips written below:

Mostly for Male Software Engineers.

1. The girl who comes to your seat with twinkle in her eyes is not interested in you. She wants to get the fucking work done. And she will not date for your favour. She thinks you're a wussy. 
2. Most of you my friends including me have a rubbish and sloppy communication and weirdo accent. Get some training dude.
3. Your dressing sense sucks. Date a fashion designer if it is all possible for you. Date? Yes. Don't wear formal pants with sneakers or sports shoes. It's not cool.
4. Take care of personal hygiene. No wonder girls run away from you. Use some good perfume and make sure you eat mint after consuming tons of onion during lunch or after smoking.
5. Make sure your tummy doesn't entice me to say that you're pregnant without delivery(PWD). Take care of your health my friend. It's important.
6. Become interesting. Get a life outside GOT, LOTR, and many more. Read something about evolution. Read books by Matt Ridley, Robert Greene and Neil Strauss.
7. If you think the girl you discreetly look over your desktop doesn't notice you then I am telling you that she knows. She thinks you're a pervert. If you like her go and tell her. She thinks you lack balls to ask her out.
8. Those with 1% lucky smart genes and good built but bad accent and poor self image, if you think girls in India will drool over you because it happens in some deodorant advertisements, then arse off. It's India. No one will come to you and that's why that talkative, confident, ugly and smart ass friend of yours is sleeping with all the girls. You need to talk to her buddy to create some interest.
9. The Pizza you're eating during unsolicited late stays at your office is the biggest cause of your growing waistline. Cut the crap and carb. You're acting like a greedy pig here.
10. Cut down your time in front of idiot box and laptops and start going to gym for god sake. Learn some moves so that you don't embarrass yourself in the upcoming annual party dance. Your weird dance has already repelled so many girls from you. Specially the snake dance of yours.

I hope my readers especially the single Indian men from the IT sector will follow and implement the points mentioned above.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Confessions of an Emotionally abused Indian Husband-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

Bhaveen Sheth the writer of this blog "The Diary of a Single Indian male" shares a post from Quora on the condition of an emotionally abused married Indian man. Please read the post below:

I am 26 years old and I just got married to the girl I loved. Eight months into the marriage, I am depressed and on the verge of doing something disastrous but completely silent.

My wife has been an extremely spoilt child even by her own declarations. Every month, she spends a large chunk of the salary on stuff that we eventually throw out in a week or two. If I protest, she threatens to leave me or tells me that I am not a man for not being able to provide ‘basic’ amenities to her. Basic here includes dresses of brands I can’t pronounce and gift items and decorative stuff that we have little place in the house to keep.

I earn decently or that’s what I thought. Every single day, she asks me to do better at my job and earn more money. If I don’t earn more money, then what sort of a man am I? This is what she believes. She texts me constantly when I am working and asks me to come back home as early as possible. That affects work and in turn, the money. But if I have to stay back for longer hours and work harder, we get into fights that last for days. She threatens to kill herself.

She keeps posting feminism based messages on Facebook and is an avowed believer of equality. At home, she tells me that I should take care of the house and see how tough that is. Which is what I have been doing for three months now. I also do all her work at her workplace (she works in accounts and I find the time to do her balance sheets every day). She proudly proclaims to her friends that she works and takes care of the house all by herself, but I know better.

Since my mother is a heart-patient (my father passed away seven years ago), she has told me that ending this marriage will be her end. I must continue.

Every single day, we discuss about where she should go and shop, what she should wear, where I must take her to lighten her mood since the household work makes her miserable. If I express one opinion about where we should eat or what we should do, she tells me please think about me too. It’s not about you all the time. If I tell her that can I bring my mother to take care of her at least for a few days, she tells me ‘I don’t have time for useless people.’ Her family comes over and stays for days on end (which is a decent expense for me that makes things worse later on). If I protest, the threat is there and my mom is told about her son’s incapability. She believes it and reprimands me and asks me to work on myself.

I have stopped protesting, stopped speaking, stopped thinking. If I think and my face twitches, she tells me, ‘what was that? Why did you look at me like that? Are you doing me a favour by being nice to me? Do you know I could have married anybody…’ I sleep after her and wake up before her to prepare her first cup of coffee. I cook on most days since the last three months. ‘I will cook when I feel like. My father has always kept me like a queen. It’s time you did that too.’ I work constantly and barely get time to do anything else. At night, she tells me, ‘I think you are failing as a husband. I think you don’t realize how lucky you are. I hope you grow up and start valuing me.’ This is not a recent happening. I am writing about eight odd months here.

So what sucks about being a man? I cannot express my anger in this situation without being called a wuss. I tried exploring some legal options to end this charade but it won’t end well for me and with my mom undergoing her treatment, I won’t be able to afford it. I have told by my wife that I harass her or that I am like other men that rape women, if I don’t reach home within the time she specifies. She constantly complains about me to her friends, about how much of an idiot I am. She also discusses my sexuality with her friends and proudly tells me about it. Imagine if I did stuff like that? Yet, all that talk passes off as allowable coffee conversation. I can never claim that I cooked something or kept the house clean. No extra points for managing work and the house. But for her, that’s very commendable as she is a woman and has to battle inequality every day. For me, all this stuff must be easy as I am privileged.

I know feminism is a good thing and it is important to win the war for equal rights for women. It is very much the need of the hour. But my battle is lost. I will always smile and pretend things are ok, while I am dying inside.

This is the reality of many married Indian men, however a majority chose to suffer silently throughout their lives. I really feel sad about this person but there is nothing  that I can do. An important lesson learnt from this post is that before marriage every Indian man should thoroughly scrutinize the girl and put his expectations clearly before proceeding for matrimony.Should you ever encounter an over pampered spoilt princess in a prospective then drop it, just drop it from the start, you don't want end up with the life that this married man has shared above.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Kyaa Kar Sakti Hai Police? Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

In this short post, the single Indian man would like to share a popular video on you tube of a scene form the  Bollywood movie "GUDDU RANGEELA".

In this video, a police man on an inspector level is threatening suspected robbers on what the police can do against anyone. Have a look below:

In a brilliant acting done by Amit Sial, he shows the reality of the Indian police.All Indian men should watch this video and think, how biased and prejudiced the policing system in India really is.

We have often seen women complaining at police stations and falsely accusing their husbands and in-laws. In order to make a quick buck or being influenced by the woman and her family, the police books the man and his family in all sorts of false cases like 498a, domestic violence, harassment and a lot more.

This is a reality that all Single Indian men must know especially those who are planning to get married.

This post was just to create and awareness amongst all Single Indian men and they need to be aware of this in their daily dealings with women.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

THEY WILL ALL VISIT YOUR PROFILE BUT NONE WILL SHOW ANY INTEREST- BHAVEEN SHETH DOTSIM

In this short blog post I write down certain trends that I have observed on the online matrimonial platforms.

In January this year , quite reluctantly I once again registered myself on a matrimonial site. Yaaa!!! You guessed right, shaadi.com!!!It was done just to show the world that people like me do exist (especially when women complain that there are no good men left in India.)

After my registration some interests did come but nothing proceeded further and now I hardly get any expression of interests.I am not bothered because I know better. But recently I have observed that my profile views have drastically increased. Many potential matches have visited my profile, some have done it repeatedly but there has been no expression of interest.

My profile pictures, education and profession may make me a potential suitor but because of a zero family background I hardly stand a chance. On my profile I have been extremely transparent about myself stating each and every aspect of my life and accordingly I have written the content under the heading "ABOUT MYSELF". But somewhere I feel that it the truth that is repelling them. After all who would want to associate with a n orphan ? Who would want to marry his daughter/sister to marry a person who has no family? I am looked upon with suspicion. Yes sir, this is the harsh reality of being an orphan in India.People may sympathize with you but none will empathize. Didn't a wise man say that marriage is a union between two families and not 2 individuals.

At-least I now have an answer if someone were to ask me why online matrimonial sites never worked in my favour? It is written in this post of mine.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Indian society is equally intolerant of free spirited single Indian men-Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

Sometime back , I read an article which spoke on an extreme level of intolerance of the Indian society towards free spirited single Indian women.However it failed to mention on an equal level or even more intolerance directed towards free spirited single Indian men.

Our society has never accepted the so called single status of people and has always detested people who have chosen to live a single life.While single Indian women are detested for not getting married and giving birth to a child, single Indian men are hated for not getting married, settling down and living a decent family life. Single Indian men are often accused of being vagabounds.

Indian society is made up of various likes and dislikes, at times it contradicts its very own structure,foundation and values.

Tolerance towards single Indian men especially those who are free spirited and live a happy life is extremely limited. In India, you won't find men who are single, somehow they get married, those who are not married are in the process of being hitched. I can't vouch the same for the single Indian women. Men who stay single out of their own choice face  lots of criticism and taunts.The society blacklists and debars them.Limited people will associate with them, their very existence is a source of criticism.

Single free spirited men are seen as a threat to the normal order of the Indian society.Since childhood we have been indoctrinated into following the routine protocol of life, you know, getting a good education, getting a job, getting married, settling down and having children.So what happens when some Indian men stay single out of their own choice and challenge this society order?They are certainly bound to become a source of envy and hatred.

It takes a lot of strength, courage and resilience for  Indian men to remain single.The decision to stay single is itself a difficult one to make.Once you start enjoying your own company and start living your life, you draw the attention of other people, free spirited single Indian men can do a lot of things that their married counterparts cannot.With no responsibilities over us , we are eagles soaring high in the skies.By staying single we disturb the natural order of the society hence we are disliked, we are branded irresponsible as we don not undertake the responsibilities of a family and fatherhood.No one is willing to accept the fact that we are pursuing our own interest at the cost of sacrificing our married life.

Our lifestyle is a big question mark for many. Most people think that we boose, take drugs, watch pronograpic movies,womanize and live a shabby life, that is certainly not the case. Now we cannot go around justifying our existence, can we? Remaining single allows us to pursue the activities of our own interests, we are more content with our lives compared to our married peers.Many single Indian men take a step further to take good care of themselves, age gracefully, become voracious readers and wonderful conversationalists.These men shine out, so they get hated, single men also do not have the financial woes that married folks have, no home loans, no car loans, no school and college fees to pay. Thirties and forties are a bliss for the single Indian men. So now tell me , why won't the single guys be hated.

Indian society will always remain intolerant, it does not accept the minority or diverse people.We often see its hatred directed towards its religious minorities , low castes, dark skinned people, north east Indians, the LTGB community , widows, divorcees and singles. Ohhh and not to forget the hatred towards the non-vegetarian eaters and those who exercise their freedom of speech.

We the single Indian men are free spirited souls, we have chosen this life, we don't need confirmation from idiotic and stupid married Indian men who claim to be representing the society, we don't need any advice and we don't want help.If the society hates, so be it. Who and what is the Indian society? It is made up of four people who will always have something critical to say no matter what you do.

The society is never going to accept us as we have violated its norms, rules and laws and we don't need its acceptance either.Our married peers will always have something to say. What you will eventually carry to your death bed are memories and experiences, do your best to make them look good.Looking back it is these memories that will bring a smile on your face. So go ahead and life your free spirited life without bothering about others.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

DEALING WITH COMPLICATED MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCES

At the time of writing this post I am just two (2) months short of turning 35.As of now I am content with my solo life and enjoy every bit of it. I try to find happiness in small things and have no regrets or complaints.

However people are not happy to see me single. In a society where everyone is married,I stand out for being single.People want to see me married and there is where the problem lies.

I belong to a questionable and distrustful family background.The so called reputed and respected families would not prefer me.No matter how aged their daughters/sister may be,they still prefer men from decent families.

Alliances do come for me. Close friends and sometimes colleagues speak to people they know and try to fix a match and for me this is a grave area of disappointment.Most of these alliances are equally complicated.Here I tend to come across women who are not getting married for obvious reasons, some are obese,some dark skinned, shot, ugly looking, divorced, single mothers,women from dysfunctional families and a lot more.Some women may come from a normal family but their individual personalities are complicated.In my case on the individual front but with zero family background I stand ineligible.Hence when my side of the story is narrated to these complicated women ,they find me acceptable.I often hear people say that this particular girl is okay with your family background or they don't mind my not having a family.But I know better.These women are accepting me because they don't have any choice.It is like the Hobson's choice.I stand out to be the best of the worst choices that many of these women have to make.The other choices available to these women are divorcees,single fathers,middle-aged and old men and men who are equally ugly and disgusting.And yaaa,not to forget that all these men ask for a fat dowry.

These complicated alliances can never work out because at the end somewhere wither you or the woman end up making major compromises.The alliance is itself need based and symbiotic,It is not based on understanding,liking or compassion.

I can understand what many of these women go through.An advancing age,society and family pressure,desperate need to get married and a lot more.The common thing seen in these women is that many have neglected themselves in terms of looks and physical appearance.They tend to have become obese and do not look presentable.Another trait common with these women is that they have major emotional and behavioral issues,they tend to be erratic and unstable.These symptoms are an outcome of being left behind, neglected and left out.In our society a 30 plus woman is always treated badly,she is often ridiculed and insulted.This leads to a massive build up rage and aggression.Anger,rage,dejection and desperation is a dangerous combination.

And it is with these points written above,I realize why do complicated matrimonial alliances find me unacceptable.I hold no grudges or grievance.In our society everyone has the right to get married or seek alliances but experience has taught me that relations formed under desperation do no last for long.This is why I don't consider these complicated alliances very well knowing that things will not work out on a long term basis.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing of for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

An eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia

In this blogpost, I write down my thoughts and feelings on an eternity of loneliness, longing and nostalgia felt by many single Indian men living all by themselves in metropolitan cities of India. This post is primarily written from the perspective of a single Indian man living in Delhi-NCR.

It is in an alien city that we feel extremely lonely and homeless, the realization of having no home becomes heavy and difficult to deal with.The feeling of having no family is part of a permanent emotional disease whose symptoms affect you on a daily basis.Living in a new city surrounded by unknown people who are equally heartless and hostile gives us a heavy feeling of longing and nostalgia.

Where is that home and where is that family? We have no one to go back to and no one to call our own. For a man like me who has no parents or family support, I have no one whom I can call a family. Living on my own moving from city to city has put in a permanent feeling of homelessness in me. For men who have left their toxic dysfunctional families, their lives and stories are similar to mine, the only difference being that they no longer want to go back to their dysfunctional families, for them their families are as good as dead.For the separated and the divorced , life is equally hard, having experienced the joys of a family, loneliness now brings a deep feeling of longing and nostalgia.

An urban city is a breeding ground for loneliness. You feel alone withing an ocean of people.You want to but cannot connect with unknown people. Every place in the city reminds you about loneliness:multiplexes, restaurants, grocery stores and many other places remind you about something that is missing. You see a couple who is madly in love with each other  and get a feeling of longing. When was the last time that you had a meaningful emotional contact?When was the last time when someone touched your soul.? We don't know, we cannot remember. Small children remind you of a child that you could never have or a father that you could never become. You sit in a restaurant and observe a family on the adjacent table enjoying their meal and having a wonderful time, it reminds you how long you have been eating alone without a family. Every family reminds you of something that you are not.

Where can we find solace? Orphans have no place to go to, you can't go back to your dysfunctional family, the divorced and the separated feel uncomfortable around their married relatives.

Delhi and the National Capital Region (NCR) is a paradoxical and contradictory city. There is a massive urban development going on in Gurgaon, Noida, Faridabad and Ghaziabad clutching along with Delhi. You find its inhabitants who are superficial and fake. Everyone seems to be exaggerating himself/herself. It is here where you find humanity dug in its deepest graveyard. You don't understand the culture or its people. You see and observe a lot.You see people aspiring for a fancy life without working hard for it, fast cash and easy money is a new found religion here, people of both the genders have high levels of cortisol and adrenaline hormones in their blood stream just waiting for aggression to burst out, pubbing and clubbing is a new form of worship.You meet men who want a fair skinned bride, women who want only well settled husbands earning more than 1 Lakh per month. Divorce and adultery is a normal thing.Marriages are no longer sacred here:Where is the sanctity of this ritual when alcohol flows like river and brides dance like bar dancers? A noble ceremony has become a materialistic ritual.The society and the culture of this city offends and repels you.

The opposite gender in this city seems to be extremely conceited, haughty , opportunistic and arrogant. Even their fake smiles carry an ulterior materialistic motive. You can't have a meaningful conversation with them.Even in relationships and marriages these women are busy meeting their own agendas. Relationships are made and broken here at the drop of a hat. It is here where you see women filling false rape and dowry cased against their boyfriends and husbands when relationships break down.The women of this region love to wash their dirty linen in public.

You meet some good Samaritans here and they tend to like you.They invite you to their homes and treat you with lunch and dinner. You feel normal, at least for some hours. The woman of the house cooks and serves you food, she reminds you of a sister in law you always wanted. The children connect with you reminding you of a niece/nephew you always wanted.You leave after having a wonderful time with the family and reach back to your house only to feel the vacuum of loneliness.

The men here are a of different lot. Their ignorance and stupidity never stops to amaze you, especially the men belonging to the hinterlands of north India. By getting married to some fair looking dames and fathering children, they think of themselves to be the Alexanders in their own right who have conquered an important territory and are enjoying the spoils of the war.They can't tolerate individualism and and often look down upon people like us who happen to be single.They remind us of our single status often through taunts and criticisms and we too give back acerbic replies to the point of offending their false pride and overinflated egos. We know better. These men have a really hard time in meeting the high expectations of their MADAMJI wives. As the day comes to an end, as a weekend approaches, people around you start making plans: a fancy restaurant to visit, a weekend gateway has been planned, a wedding/social function to attend, a new mall to visit and a lot more. You have no such plans and even if you did , you don't want to share. You go back to your house, it is a house that could never become a home. You tend to keep yourself occupied.

Whether we chose this life or this life chose us is something we ask ourselves everyday and find no answers. But still we continue living our lives on the basis of hope and the feeling than one day things will go well in future.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day, promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Writeup of Mr.Amit Deshpande-Men's rights activist in the website logical Indian

Dear Friends,

I would like to share the writeup by the prominent men's rights activist Mr.Amit Deshpande on the website-The Logical Indian in the link below:

https://thelogicalindian.com/my-story/wife-false-case/

He shares his bitter experience of marriage, how it became sour, faced a domestic violence case from his wife demanding a very high alimony. Mr.Amit Deshpade carried out a strong legal fight and ultimately got justice.

I have seen him on and off speaking on activism for the Indian men on social media and at Tedx talks. Never knew that he too had a difficult past. The single Indian man respects his struggle and pays him a tribute on his relentless campaign for men's right.

His story is also an eye opener for many single men like us who are trying to find brides through online matrimonial forums. Beware!!! Things are really not what they seem. Do a thorough check on all women before you settle down.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Yes sir/madam, your sons and daughters can get married and live happily ever after, not people like us.

I write this blogspot in a form of a conversation to a man/woman who is above 50, has children who are now married and living happily. The man/woman could also be a grandparent having adorable and lovely grandchildren.

Yes sir/madam, I am very happy for you, you have fulfilled all your responsibilities, it is commendable.It seems that you have come to know me through a mutual acquaintance, you have become close to me, you have seem to have taken some kind of liking for men, somewhere down the line I remind you of your own child, I remind you of a son you wished to have.That is why you are concerned for me.My age is going by and you are wondering why I am still not married? Why I am still single? You advice me on the importance of marriage and its importance in the Indian society.You speak on loneliness and isolation that single people face once they become old.

I understand that, but what can men like me do? Having no parents or having left our dysfunctional families  for good, what options do we have? Who is there to represent us? Whom can we call a family? Sir/Madam, as of now you must have had your fair share of experience in this system of holy matrimony.You very well know that it is not a union of two individuals but an alliance of between two respectable  families. I am sure this was the criteria when you went out scouting  for an eligible groom/bride  for your son/daughter. So we come back to the statement written in the heading.Do we even stand for a decent chance of getting married? Will the decent families even consider us as a suitable husband for their daughters/sisters?

This is open to conjecture.It is very easy to advise and lecture, it is easy to judge and it is very easy to pass comments but it is extremely difficult to live by example.

So Sir/Madam, you can remain happy with your children getting married. Kindly stop worrying about us, fact is that no one cares for orphans. We will eventually find our way to live alone and you need not be concerned.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Are today's urban singles actually desperate and miserable?-DOTSIM-BHAVEEN HETH

A few days ago I read this article on social media titled as "How India's cool singles are actually more miserable than ever" written by Mr.Sanjay Austa.

I agree with him that today's singles are actually living a miserable life.They may claim and proclaim that they are living the moment and don't need a man or a woman to support them and a lot more bullshit.But the truth is that internally many are unhappy with their single status.

In India, once your cross 30, marriage prospects fall down disproportionately.It is more difficult for a female to seek a mate.Men don't have an easy chance either.Both genders look out for suitable mates only to hit a dead end with no progress ahead.

In our society no one prepares you for living a solo life.You are constantly brainwashed about finding your soulmate with whom you will live ever after.Many singles are not emotionally strong to live a solo life, they don't want to be single forever and are desperately seeking a spouse no matter what they say.

Desperation levels are so high that these singles try to find a potential soul mate at each and every place, it can be the office, apartments, gymnasium, pubs and even coffee shops. This is the level of desperation.

The author Sanjay Austa states that there is no one who is truly single in India.I would like to counter his statement by saying that there are genuine and authentic single people living in India.There are men and women who have made the decision to live solo after a lot of deliberation.There are singles on whom wisdom dawned upon at an early age and they decided to live single.They decided and even planned their lives in that manner.Accepting single hood wholeheartedly is the first most important battle to be one.Gradually over the years they have negotiated their way in the society which is prejudiced and discriminatory towards single people.These people know how to spend their time by engaging themselves in creative and social activities.They are strong enough to deal with problems and difficulties.

Coming back to the desperate miserable single , fact be stated that they are not truly single as the ones I have mentioned in the above paragraph. These people keep whining about their single status. Single women keep making impractical statements like "Koi accha to milna chahiye" (I should come across some decent man), the single men have this entitlement syndrome, just because they are well qualified and earn a decent salary, they deserve the most beautiful women, add to that is the family expectation that the girl should give up her job and career and become a housewife. Some of these men don't find any suitable matches and keep on getting rejected by potential women, either their behavior is abnormal or they are not the presentable kind.Sky high expectation amongst both the genders is the reason why we find a rising population of 30 plus singletons.The second reason is the unwillingness to compromise. How do you expect to get hitched when you happen to be so inflexible.It is seems that pragmatism has become a casualty of our times. Superficial attributes and face value have become the most important criteria for considering a soul mate.Where are those day when people courted each other with no expectations.

We have 90 percent miserable singletons both men and women living in India.You still see them shacked up in their parent's homes in spite of being in their 30s and 40s. They don't posses any life skills. Speaking about the single men, they live with their parents, go to work, come home ,eat food, watch television and go to sleep.They don't have any hobbies and engagements, they have never traveled solo beyond the confines of their cities.While they may say that they are happily living a solo life, their parents (and sometimes they themselves) are looking out and meeting some potential woman in order to get married. Yaaa, they do want to get married.

And now the talk on the single women. They are nowhere close to the ones whom you would have seen in the famous American TV sitcoms  like "Sex and the city" and "Friends". Many of them are narrow minded and traditional. They too are shacked up in their parents homes or are sharing apartments with like minded single girlies.They too are living a mediocre life of going about doing their jobs and earning a living and like the single men they are equally miserable.You will see these women at beauty salons, gyms and shopping malls blowing up their hard earned money trying to look good and buying useless and unwanted things just to fulfill their shopping itch. Forget about traveling solo, for all the feminism and empowerment they speak of, they can't muster up the courage of crossing the  geographical limits of their cities on their own. Ohhh, I forgot to mention, they can't cook, yes , you heard it right they can't handle the kitchen.It is either their moms or their housemaids who are cooking for them and handling the house and if for some reason the mother falls sick or the house maid does not come for a day, all hell breaks loose.You will find such women,plenty of them on tinder and online matrimonial sites, all looking out for companionship and marriage.

These people are not really single, they are just pretending to be single because they don't want to be looked upon an unmarriageable or matrimonially disadvantaged.

Being truly single is a different thing.It is about focusing on oneself , looking inwardly and improving on a day to day basis.It is about having hobbies and engaging oneself after office hours.Truly single people travel solo to different places in order to order to gain experience and get a better perspective about life.They make meaningful relationship with people, have engaging conversations with the opposite gender ,have relationships with them.Truly single people do not lament on their single hood, they celebrate it.Truly single people accept themselves for who they are, they don't need someone to validate them.Truly single people are sane and have a sense of equanimity. Skilfully navigating through the tortuous path of the Indian society can only be done by truly single people.Truly single people openly defy and resist the institution of marriage in their own creative way and become an admirable example for others.

And as India has a rising urban population of single people in their 30s and 40, the truly single people are a minority and a majority are made of people who are miserably single.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

DEALING WITH LONELINESS

Loneliness is  one thing that affects a lot of singletons. This is a kind of a malady that becomes chronic in evenings, weekends and public holidays.

In this blog post, I, Bhaveen Sheth, the Single Indian man writes down my own experiences on dealing with loneliness.It is not easy dealing with loneliness, it was never easy and it will never be easy. However over the years living alone has made me a stronger person.

There is an old saying that goes by stating that an ideal mind is a devil's workshop.Many single Indian men living alone take up bad and evil habits in order to deal with loneliness. I have avoided this path and can proudly say that I am living a single life filled with hobbies and creativity.

My deep interests in reading and writing keeps me engaged. Movies and American television series are my secondary passions and I love to watch them during my free time.

I believe that every person needs to find a higher meaning in his life, a meaning in which he feels that he can make a difference.Some may find it their chosen vocation while others may find it outside. I strongly stand for men's rights in India and have a dream of becoming a spokesperson for a men's rights group.

Being a veteran in living alone for a long time ( now almost 17 years), I focus on my health and well being. After all there is no one who will take care of me. I try eating properly and exercise regularly. There are times when i am not able to keep up my daily schedule but still I try.I don't want to look like those middle aged uncles with pot bellies hanging.I idolise Milind Soman and want to look like him when I turn 50, athletic, fit and fabulous.he is my inspiration behind. running marathons.

Mastering life skills is very important for all of us who are staying alone. While I am able to manage a house independently, I am still struggling with the fine art of cooking.I have decided that when I relocate some where else, I will rent a flat preferably 1 BHK and learn cooking skills on my own.There in no point in surviving on mess, parcels and takeouts for your entire life.

To overcome loneliness one needs to set a new goal that has to be achieved. When your mind in occupied in trying to achieve something, you don't get affected by loneliness.So it is always that new movie that I have to watch, a new skill that I need to learn, a new place to visit, new books to read and movies to download.Never get bothered by the negativity and toxicity of loneliness.There are times when I feel sad and I am sure many single men do the same. There are ups and downs but when faced with such kind of situations, try not to get affected by it. In my case I try to pick up a book and read.

Over the years i have stopped having hopes of getting married. If I am to meet my soulmate , it will happen, however i cannot associate that one event of my life with happiness.People call me selfish and materialistic for not getting married and I hardly care.There is no shortage of women in this country especially amongst the 30 plus urban educated class.Do a demographic study and you will find a large number of 30 and 40 plus single, never married, separated, divorced single women and one doesn't need to chase them around, it is they who are desperately looking out for men.

And finally last but not the least, I have stopped visiting places or attending social functions that remind me of being a single left out person. There is a post that i plan to write on why I stopped attending marriages, so you can expect to read it later. I tend to visit places/events that celebrate individualism and solo life.

Ending this post, I would like to state that living  alone and dealing with loneliness is a big challenge especially in India. However one needs to find his own way to happiness.

This Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be aback with a lot more.

I AM SINGLE NOT A LOSER

This blog spot is dedicated to many single Indian men who have chosen to remain single either out of choice or destiny and to the divorced and separated men who have chosen never to marry again. This write up is for strengthening our resolve and give a befitting reply to the society that treats us like failures and losers.

In India, marriage defines an individual, both men and women. By a certain age one has to get married and if that does not happen , one has to be ready to face the criticism from the society.

At 34 (and just some months before I turn 35), I am called a loser :a man who failed to find a suitable match, a man who is still not married, not settled and does not have children.

It is very easy to brand a 30 or 40 year plus single Indian man a loser. People have even given me other names for remaining single, I am called commitment phobic, irresponsible, immature, negative and pessimistic. I am sure many single Indian men who are currently reading this post would have also faced similar situations.

Seriously!! Please tell me one thing: What makes me and men of my kind losers? I am sure you have no answer. Presently I am single and happy living a solo life. I have still not come across someone with whom I can make a connection.But I am not breaking any law, am I ?

Unlike frustrated single Indian men, I am content with myself, I enjoy my own company, take myself out to dinners and movies regularly. I pursue my hobbies and passions rigorously. Does that make me a loser?

And does marriage hold any importance in today's society these days?Are people happily married the way they claim in social media? I seriously have my doubts.

When did that one institution make someone a winner/loser. Just because I don't have a woman by my side does not make me a dork.

Individualism in India has never been respected. Anyone who is happily living a single life is considered selfish. But the society does not rest at that. It goes further in branding single Indian men as failures.This term has been concocted by the Indian feminists and feminazis who don't want any single Indian man to feel adequate. Amazingly ,a single Indian woman in glorified. She is labelled as a strong, educated,modern, liberated 21st century woman. It looks like the Indian feminists are insecure about many Indian Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). They are scared that a day will come when Indian men will not consider these modern urban single women for marriage.

So what do the feminists do? They make a term called LOSER and use their good offices in the media to spread the message that all single Indian men are losers.

The fact is that the so called real loser Indian men get married by hook or by crook. Their parents do their best to get a suitable matrimonial alliance for them. Intelligent mature Indian men take a rational decision of remaining single after a lot of thought.These are the facts.

I end this blog with a quote:

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Just because we are orphans doesn't mean we don't have the right to live a normal life

In this blogspot, I would like to put my feelings on behalf of many orphans like me who are denied the right to live a dignified life by the Indian society.

There are times when I wonder whether that India as a country in general and Indian society in particular denies a dignified life to its orphaned people.

We all know what happens to orphan children on streets, I don't need to say more. But there are many who work hard and make a life for themselves , achieving success single handedly with no support or help. And yet they are denied a dignified life by the Indian society which only thinks that dignity is to be accorded to people who belong to a RESPECTABLE FAMILY.

As self made men we are not respectable just because we don't have a family who can represent us. The society for some reason believes in segregating us and having us quarantined. Social exclusion is an unspoken rule that the society follows in our case.

And we are humans too. Why do people forget that. We were also someone's children. Is it our fault that we lost our parents? Is it our fault that our destiny was bad? Aren't we human beings? What wrong have we done that we get such a sub human and inhuman treatment?

We also have aspirations, dreams and feelings. We wish to connect, we wish to be included and we seek validation. We also aspire for a spouse, family, children and happiness, we crave for human touch, we want someone to reach out to our disturbed lonely souls and make us feel human. But what we get is rejection and denial. People don't think twice before insulting and humiliating us. Eventually we give up and move on with living our lives.

And when we go about minding our own lives, we are again criticised for living a wayward single life.So here I make a clear point to many men of my kind. We have the right to live our lives, go ahead, backpack, travel, watch movies, take yourself to a good restaurant, read good books and improve the quality of your life. Because the Indian society does not want us and we should not expect anything form it either. But remember, we should not stop living a life of fulfilment and happiness just because we are orphans.