A heretic in the world of believers and confirmists-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM

In a world filled with believers and conformists, unmarried single men like me  stand out to be seen as heretics,non conformists and apostates. Our problem is that we refuse to confirm to the rules of the society. We chose to live a life of our own cherishing our independence and solitude. 

We are heretics because as single men we are a minority in a society filled with married people having families.Some of us have happily chosen a solo life and we are living it 100 percent. Our happiness stands out and we become a pain for others. Remember those ancient times when kingdoms used to put God above everything and all subjects were expected to rever the almighty God. Those who rejected the god were branded as heretics and persecuted, some kingdoms showed liniecy and banished or exiled the heretics from the kingdom. This is exactly what is happening today.The single Indian men are being seen as heretics and are facing a similar kind of discrimination.

We need to stand up for ourselves and not give in to the demands of the society. Marriage is a second religion in India and everyone is expected to follow it. But I don't. I have no faith in an institution that is purely formed on the platform of materialistic requirements. Yes and like many single Indian men , I too am a heretic,non believer and non conformist.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing of for the day and promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth 

Indian MGTOW

Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM- A marriage that came to an end before the honeymoon period got over

During my visit to Goa, 2 months ago, I went to an Udupi restaurant daily to have breakfast daily. One day while having my breakfast , I observed a couple sitting two tables adjacent to me. Going by their looks, they were in their late 20's or early 30's and had been recently got married because the wife was wearing choora on her forearms and the vermilion on her forehead was clearly marked. But something was odd about that couple.While the man looked okay, the woman was uptight and in a foul mood, there was no smile on her face.. She didn't seem to be happy Now that was really odd about a newly married couple.What had gone wrong? Did the marriage break her expectations?Was it a forced arranged marriage? Was it a loveless marriage that was done just to keep other people happy? I could not understand. But going by experience, I clearly know that this marriage will not last for long. It will either lead to a bitter divorce or lead to the couple living a loveless marriage that has hit a dead end.Both ways it is a failure.

At times I wonder, I wonder why people get into such loveless marriages.It is better to remain single and be happy that to get married to someone you don't love.

The couple was gone by the time I finishes my breakfast but they left me thinking for long.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and will be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

On being a pragmatist and not cynical-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM

Being single in India has its own challenges. My single status is a question mark to a lot of people.

One of the reasons for being single is the unwillingness to take unwanted responsibilities and the existing anti-male laws in the judicial system of this country. Whenever I speak my mind on these topics or express my opinion, I get labelled as a cynic, negative  and   depressed person.That does not mean that marriage is a bad institution. Getting married is good, but if a person is not willing to get married, he is labelled as a cynic.

There are many Indian men for whom marriage has turned into a disaster. These men still have bitter memories of their failed marriages and they carry a lot of emotional baggage. Other men had failed relationships, some men come from dysfunctional families, the primary institution of marriage failed them.The bond of holy matrimony failed them.So they decided not to get married. I don't think that they are cynical.

I have clearly stated my case. Being an orphan makes me an outcast and vulnerable.The first thing is that I have found no takers. Secondly, I am well aware of the fact that there are manipulative female opportunists out there who want to get married to me because they have equally found no takers. These women have parents who play the sympathy card to get their daughters married. No just imagine, I have no one to help me in my difficult times:what would happen if I was charged under all those false feminist anti-male laws? Who will help me? I cannot live a life controlled by a woman who is emotionally abusing me 24*7.

Single hood has given me an opportunity to live life on my own terms. In my early 30's, I often see my peers who are living a mundane life.The ubiquitous albatross of home loans and EMI is hanging on their necks along with the Damocles sword of loosing a job.Many have resigned to their fates and are living a mediocre life. They get up , go to work, pay their bills, go home, eat food, watch TV and sleep.When I compare my life with them, I find myself better off. Single life has give me the freedom to do what I want.

No one is right and no one is wrong. Everyone has a different view or perception about a particular situation. A pragmatist always looks at both sides before he/she makes a decision. I have done the same thing and there is nothing wrong with the decision that I have taken.

To all the single Indian men out there,please note that if you are single because of your own choice then you are not a cynic. You are single because you are a pragmatist, so please don't fee sad about it.

The probem with our Indian society is that anyone who does not conform to it norms, rules and regulations is dubbed as a cynic.

This Bhaveen Sheth singing out and will be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth

 

Stop becoming Rams and Shravans - Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

My dear Indian men, I have one sincere request to make in front of each and everyone of you. Please stop being Rams and Shravans.

I hope you know these two mythological characters are.Lord Ram was the main protagonist of Ramayana and he became a symbol of sacrifice for better good. Shravan was a man who took good care of his parents till eternity.

From childhood, Indian men are brainwashed in believing that they are Rams and Shravans. We are supposed to take all responsibilities of the family, we are supposed to take care of the elderly parents, we are get our sisters married, we are to help our siblings with their education and we are also expected to be married and be nice husbands and fathers.

So many responsibilities put upon a single man, PHEW!!! What are we? Beasts of burden! Don't we have a life? Can't we live for ourselves? Why are we overburdened with so many responsibilities?

Being there for our people during family crisis is one thing, but supporting and helping each and everyone at the cost of your own happiness in another.

When will we live for ourselves?When will we do what we want?

To all the Indian men reading this post, please think on what I have written. No one is asking you to abandon your family, but there are time when you should be able to say no.

You get just one life, live it now.

This is Bhaveen Sheth singning our and will be back with a lotmore

Bhaveen Sheth

Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM-NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NEVER NEGLECT YOURSELF

I often come across single Indian men who neglect themselves. They stop taking care of themselves, stop exercising, stop grooming, stop eating properly and stop pursuing their hobbies and interests.

In short, they stop taking care of themselves.They simply loose interest in their lives. It may be applicable to a lot of single Indian men who are reading this blog post at this moment.Indian men have their own problems:we are single because we were not able to find a suitable match, there has been an embittered relationship in the past, separation, divorce, failed married, marital discord, death of a spouse, sick elderly parent at home who needs attention. I can understand. Life is not easy.

But does that mean we should stop living and enjoying our lives? One bad incident should not push us into the abyss of depression and dejection. Life has its own ups and downs.

So  my dear single Indian men out there, go out and live your life. Eat right, exercise and do what makes you happy. Pursue your hobbies and interest.Life is short, live it large.

My case has not been easy either. I am an orphan having no one to support me and still I am living my solo life happily.

HUM JAISO KO KAUN PUCHTA HAI !!!!!

Thirty four, single and still not married. I am writing a ten part series on living a single life, regrets and remorse associated with not being married, on how I was ill treated when when I went ahead to find a suitable wife, on broken dreams of marriage, on dying everyday due to lack of human love and affection, on a life with with a void that cannot be filled.

In the first part, I, Bhaveen Sheth, the writer of this blog writes this post on how no one asks for men of my kind, how we live an invisible existence within the society.

HUM JAISO KO KAUN PUCHTA HAI!!!

HUM JAISO KO KAUN PUCHTA HAI, literally translates into nobody asks for people of our type.

I make this statement many times when curious and inquisitive people inquire on my single status and why I am still not married.For a person who is an orphan and for men who have left their dysfunctional families for good, getting married is a difficult task. Forget marriage, even acceptance in the society is not there.No one wants us. Some people say that I am negative, but that is not the case because I am stating the reality. Without a proper family no one considers you eligible for marriage. If you are unmarried after a certain age, you cannot be part of the Indian society, no one will invite you to any social function or family gathering. You become a social pariah.One has to live with loneliness and isolation.In difficult times you are all by yourself.There is no one with whom you can share your problems and there is no one to understand you.

A few years ago, I stopped taking any interest in getting married. Marriage is for people who have families. No one wants people of my kind. In this so called market of matrimony we don't stand a chance.

Today I live a life that is satisfying, keep to myself and enjoy my life. However people are not please to see me live a happy single life.They often ask me why I am still single? Why I never got married or am still not actively searching for a matrimonial alliance?

To all of them , I have one common answer: HUM JAISO KO KAUN PUCHTA HAI !!!!!

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off, will be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth

Marriage is not meant for each and every Indian man

Greetings from Bhaveen Sheth, the single Indian man.

I hope everything is well with my readers. Wish you all a very happy dusherra.

Today I want to ask my readers whether the institution of marriage is applicable to each and every Indian man.

I have my own reservations on the same. Everyone cannot become a successful doctor or an engineer. Many people don't have the aptitude to get admission into prestigious institutions of this country. Similarly marriage is not suitable for each and every Indian man that too at a young age.

Marriage is forced upon the Indian man whether he likes it or not.Parents, relatives and the society builds up a strong pressure to get an Indian man married.

Simply stating, some Indian men just don't have the competency to get married. They are not prepared to become a husband or a father and undertake responsibilities that are attached with the respective roles.

But acceptance in the Indian society is less. No one realizes this important fact and no one wants to accept it.

On Single Indian Men who become a failure on professional and personal fronts

Having written a lot on the positive sides of the single Indian man/male , I , Bhaveen Sheth would today  like to focus today on the single Indian men who have failed both on the personal and professional front

So, who are these men????????? They are smaller in number; however their population is rising day by day.

Here is a basic profile: Mostly in their Mid 30’s and 40’s doing just mediocre jobs, dragging themselves day by day, having no vision on what to do in their lives. Their behavioural traits comprise of frustration, angst, hatred, jealousy, depression, sadness, gloom and many more characteristics of a negative personality.

Time and again, I have come across such type of men. For some reason or the other they just happened to be left out, left out in all aspects of life i.e. education, family, marriage, social integration.

One may never know what actually happened??? Was it a bad family upbringing? Was it a dysfunctional family? Was it the negative influence of bad  peers and friends? Was it a negative personality? Was it the absence of opportunities?

Bhaveen Sheth -Diary of the Single Indian Male-Avoid the feeling of being left out or missing the opprtunity of Matrimony

My Dear Single Indian male,

Last week two events happened , one of my colleagues in the place where i work and who happens to be 4 years younger to me became and father and my room mate who again happens to be 27 years old got his marriage relation fixed through his family.

Plenty of Single Indian Men who have either missed out the opportunity of getting married or are not getting married may have gone through similar situations. There are times when you see that people who are younger to you are getting married , may of them have become fathers and mothers with tiny tots in their arms.

And there you are still single with no woman and child around you.

Bhaveen Sheth-Diary of Single Indian Male-The Basics

Dear All,

Greetings for the Day!!!!

This post is mainly to target the Single Indian Male. He can be a single orphan (like me), divorced/widowed or a man coming from a dysfunctional family who has decided to stay single all his life.

When I searched for any information relating to the Single Indian Male on Google, I did not find anything relevant, I did find the Diary of the Single Indian Girl, but nothing on a Man.

My writings here are to give advice to all Single Men Living in the Indian Setup across different Cities and Towns of India. Class/Caste, social and financial status does not matter. The idea here is to share one’s feelings and exchange ideas on how one can survive living as a single man.