Why do so many distressed married men and divorced/separated Indian men commit suicide: Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

Now that I am extremely comfortable with my MGTOW lifestyle, I try to look into a very interesting and neglected fact of our society on the reasons why so may married and divorced Indian men commit suicide in India. 

A normal web search on google throws up the following links:

Times of India:

Married men twice as likely to commit suicide than married w ..

Read more at:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/48220552.cms?utm_source=contentofinterest&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=cppst

Daman:

NCRB – Suicides: India Lost 97613 sons in 2019

https://www.daaman.org/post/ncrb-suicides-india-lost-97613-sons-in-2019

The Wire:

Reporter's Diary: Looking At Male Suicides in India

https://thewire.in/culture/reporters-diary-male-suicides-india

Scroll:

Married men are most likely to commit suicide in India

https://scroll.in/article/669061/married-men-are-most-likely-to-commit-suicide-in-india

If one actually goes through these articles,  all of them other than Daman (Men's Rights Website) puts the blame on patriarchy, toxic masculinity and mental health problems of men. Most of these media portals are runs by feminist and feminazi groups that have just have an agenda to spread a false narrative.

Blaming men for all problems is a time and tested tactic of the media. We all saw what happened in Sushant Singh Rajput murder case during the initial days when the left liberal media was shouting on mental health issues and how the same had afflicted Sushant Singh Rajput. Today the story has taken a different turn. However I don't want to shift focus on my topic, so let us discuss it.

In my opinion most of the Indian men have put the institution of  marriage on a pedestal. Most of these men live in a delusional world thinking that they will get the world's most loving and caring women not to mention beautiful.The aspiration for a wonderful married life starts when a man is his late teens. Relentless brainwashing through Bollywood movies and the society conditions most of the Indian men to live in a dream world wherein they loose focus with the ground reality.

Even in today's times of of Hoe and Thot culture, the men expect to have a holy than thou sacred wife who is pure. Yes such women do exist but they are a minority. The most....... well you all know what the truth is. 

Most of Indian men struggle and work extremely hard in order to achieve a good education and job, the single most important requirement to live a decent and respectable life in India. This is also a ticket to become an eligible bachelor in India's matrimonial aka MEAT market. After all an Indian is just worth of his annual CTC and sum total of his assets.

Haven't we heard the wisdom given by our elders "If you don't study and get a job, you will not get a wife and will remain unmarried" HAHAHHAA. I really laugh at this statement. But jokes apart, most men who have started on a successful career path think that they will get married and live a happy life ever after. No one really thinks what would happen if the marriage fails and things don't work out.

So here is what actually happens. Once the ceremonies are completed, the honeymoon is over and the couple gets back to their daily lives, the reality sets in and it hits extremely hard. The wife states that she did not want to marry the man in the first place, did it due to parental pressure and society, there is a boyfriend/lover from the past who comes from nowhere and the affair starts, the wife's parents interfere a lot trying to extract their pound of flesh from the groom, the husband isforced to fulfill the expensive demands of the wife that forces him to take EMI's, Car Loans and Home loans, many husbands go through a repetitive  never ending cycle of emotional abuse from their wives that destroys their self esteem. Things don't  stabilize even after having a child, the problems multiply exponentially.

And then the  tragedy strikes. The wife and her parents go to the police and the courts leveling all kinds of fake allegations against the husband. I guess this is the last nail in the coffin or the last straw that breaks the husband's back. The man and his family are declared  criminals just because they did not accede to the demands of the wife and her parents. Later the court cases take the toll on the man where he is shamed and has to face ignominy. Divorce cases end up in settlement wherein lakhs of rupees are paid as a one time separation cost, in some cases monthly alimony and child support is also paid. Many women alienate their children from their biological father. The father yearns to meet the child and yet he is denied basic visitation rights. Imagine what a man would go through if he is not able to meet and love his own child?

As humans we all get betrayed, sometimes by out neighbors, sometimes colleagues and even our friends but that is part and parcel of our lives, people change as per situations. However it is difficult for men when their own wives betray them, when they taunt and abuse them, when they file false criminal charges against them, when they take away their son/daughter and do not allow the men to meet their children. I guess this is what breaks them mentally and emotionally and then they decide to end their lives.

It should be noted that in the current era it is foolish to have expectations from someone and  be emotionally attached. There are evil manipulators all around. Indian men must start thinking rationally and logically. Having sky high expectations from a marriage is like making your own path for destruction. It is time that Indian men start realizing that marriage is not really worth the effort, be it financial or emotional. If marriage is solely based based on the job and salary of the man then problems are bound to erupt after marriage. It is time for Indian men to realize that they should not rush into a marriage just because they are at the right age. You can marry anytime you want provided you find an understanding partner. Stop wasting your time and resources after an institution that is based of lies and false promises.

This is my understanding of the reasons why married Indian men commit suicide. 

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

Stop judging people who have left their dysfunctional families: Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-INDIAN MGTOW

Sometime back I had came across a  post wherein the Head of an Organization refused to hire a person who had cut off  ties with his family (parents and siblings). He said a person who cannot get along with his family and manage family relationships is not fit to work in an organization. Years back when I was doing my post graduation, one of my colleagues who was part of my circle made a statement that a person who is not attached to his/her own family cannot be trusted.

This is the problem with our country, just like marriage, family is considered to be a holy and pious  institution lacking any flaws. There is no concept of dysfunctional family as we the people of India do not believe in such things. Every family is good and there are no problems in it whatsoever. People hardly talk about dysfunctional families. After all we are a society of denial.

My profession and my travels across India has made me realize that there are major problems within Indian families, just no one wants to mention it. I understand that it is a personal choice. 

However what if someone wants to move away from such a toxic dysfunctional family and start a new life elsewhere? What if someone realizes that his/her family is dysfunctional and chooses to move out? What if someone decided to just leave such a dysfunctional family for his/her betterment? Is it wrong? Why are they ostracized?

I often read articles on how women should walk out of bad marriages and live a happy life, how a bad marriage of even 2 years leaves emotional scars upon the woman. If moving out of a dysfunctional marriage is considered as empowerment and liberation then why is leaving a dysfunctional family considered a taboo?

Does anyone actually know what happens within a dysfunctional family? How difficult is it to stay even for one day and tolerate tantrums of family members who have major emotional issues? I guess it is not easy to relate to this? Only a person from a toxic dysfunctional family will understand what goes on and what kind of emotional roller ride it is? 

There are major issues in such families starting with a couple that is never compatible with each other. Forced into marriage due to family pressure and endure a dead end dysfunctional marriage in order to comply with the norms of the society is a common case. Such couples even have children as they have to show the proof of their masculinity and femininity to the world. Children born in these families are at the receiving end of the family toxicity. Combine this with narrow minded elderly patriarchs and matriarchs living in the family who are the followers, defenders and enforcers of traditional values, norms and customs that they think are necessary to be passed on and enforced on each and every generation. Passing on good manners, culture, values and etiquette is not wrong but enforcing your own personality and dominating the lives of other by curbing their freedom is not acceptable. Everyone wants autonomy to do what they want and as they please.  

Then there are those toxic families who have a problem with the entire world. Seems like that they cannot tolerate anyone outside their family circle. They judge and criticize each and everyone, they fight with all their neighbors for no reason. No one wants to be associate with such a family. Such families do not know how to live normally within a community, they get ostracized and ridiculed. 

Any child growing up in such families faces major problems related to self esteem, confidence and ability to negotiate in the world outside their homes. They are often the prisoners to their own thoughts and prejudices that have been inculcated in them by years of upbringing and conditioning. It is not easy to adjust with the outside world. Children from these families are often ridiculed and looked upon with derision and contempt. These children find it difficult to adjust with normal people.

So long as these children are associated with their dysfunctional families they will not be able to become sane adults. The ones with wisdom realize that its is necessary to move away from their toxic families if they want to start a normal life. For those who stay back and remain with their dysfunctional families, life is not good. They become a replica of their own dysfunctional parents or family members finding it difficult to adjust with the normal world.

I just want to ask anyone who is reading this post "What is wrong if someone leaves his/her toxic dysfunctional family?" " What is wrong if someones severs relationships with family members who are acerbic?" We come across so many corporate coaches and motivational speakers who give long speeches on avoiding negative people and staying away from them as it is detrimental to an individual's progress, then why no one talks about toxic dysfunctional families?

The feminist media empowers divorce and separation by stating that women should not waste their best years by staying with a wrong person then why should a normal person stay with a dysfunctional family even for a day.

Millions of childhoods have been ruined, careers and marriages destroyed due to toxic dysfunctional families. It is time for anyone reading this post to seriously introspect. Every individual has a right to live a dignified life, a life filled with joy and happiness and he/ she can chose it individually. 

Judging a person on his/her family background is not right. Everyone has a story and we should learn to respect a person. Everyone is fighting his/her own  battles, the least that we can do is empathize and try to understand. People are products of their circumstances and the situations that they have faced. 

People who leave their dysfunctional families in order to have a better and peaceful start are strong, capable and independent decision makers. They have the courage to face the world on their own and there is nothing that will stop them. Learn to accept such people. In today's times this is the new normal.

Bhaveen Sheth

Why marriage is a life long financial liability for Indian men: Bhaveen Sheth-Indian MGTOW

Unlike Western men who understand the responsibilities that come with a married life, Indian men are hardly aware of the same. The problems lies with our society. Selective brainwashing of Indian men have made them naive about the responsibilities both social and financial that come with marriage. The below picture below depicts  the financial liability that comes with a marriage:

So here are the financial costs and the liabilities that come with a marriage:

Costs associated with search for a suitable bride. Payment in matrimonial websites and matchmakers.

Costs associated with meeting potential brides and their families. Hotels, restaurant bills and and travel costs.

Costs associated with consultation with Swamis on horoscopes.

Costs associated with finalizing the marriage alliance.

Costs of Roka, Shagun and Engagement.

Time between engagement and marriage. Courtship costs: Outings with fiancee and taking her to expensive restaurants.

Costs associated with marriage: Marriage videos, dance, ceremony and reception. This includes everything.

Costs associated with Honeymoon: Luxurious Foreign Travel.

Buying an expensive car on an EMI. Even a second car for the wife or even  a 2 wheeler.

Home loans for buying a 2 or 2 BHK Flat because no woman will marry you if you don't have your own house.

Costs associated with buying fancy furniture and home decor.

Costs in hiring a maid and a cook because the empowered educated wife cannot do housework

Costs associated a starting a family. A child and hospitalization.

Expenses related to giving parties and celebrating with friends.

Expenses associated with attending to the family functions of  the wife's family and buying gifts.

Expenses associated with entertaining the in-laws.

Expenses related to maintaining the lifestyle of the madamji wives.

School fees and college fees for children.

Add on expenses when the wife decides to quit her job and stay at home.

Costs associated with maintaining a lifestyle in order to stay relevant in the hi fi society.

And so on an so forth.

Now let us say what costs are associated when a marriage breaks and separation takes place:

Hiring a lawyer and paying his fees.

Costs associated with legal proceedings.

Opportunity costs in attending to court proceedings.

Life long alimony and one time separation costs.

These are the costs associated with a marriage. I hope Indian men will understand and reason it out. Don't go with all that bullshit that your parents and the society is telling you on the advantages of marriage and a life partner. Stop lying to yourself. Imaging how much you have to slog to earn in order to live a married life. Ask yourself? Is it worth it? And what sacrifices and compromises will you be making just to get married and life a so called happy married life.

This post is an eye opener to all single Indian men are thinking of getting married. I am not discouraging you. This is just to spread awareness on the lifelong financial liability associated with marriages in India.

For MGTOW's, you will agree that you made the right decision of remaining single and following the MGTOW lifestyle.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

Wisdom from Swami Sivananada Sarawati on living a MGTOW Life: Bhaveen Sheth

I came across a post on a popular MGTOW group where screenshots from a book written by Swami Sivananda Sarawati. He gives wisdom to men in not getting married and remaining single for life. Please view the posts below:

All single Indian men must read this understand the reality.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

I don't regret my decision of remaining single and following the MGTOW Lifestyle: Bhaveen Sheth-Indian MGTOW

At 38, I have no regrets of being single and taking up the MGTOW lifestyle. Yes!! You have heard me right! A decade ago, I must have been feeling insecure and wanting to get married but 10 years on I am extremely happy that I took the decision of being single.

At 30, I was pretty much sure that I wanted to remain single and not get married. In between though, I had some hope/feeling that maybe,just maybe, someone would come across in my life and I would get married, but that never happened.

In 2015 at the age of 33 I got introduced to the MGTOW movement (Men Going Their Own way). This movement finally arrived in India and started having followers. In 2016, there was a marked transformation in the way Indian people would use internet data, thanks to the Jio revolution. Mobile Internet became accessible to the common Indian man and the awareness of MGTOW lifestyle spread. Information and advice eventually spread. I too gained a good insight on the benefits of following the MGTOW lifestyle.

Daily I browse social media and news websites only to find out that another common Indian man committed suicide due to harassment by spouse and in-laws, another Indian man and his family has been falsely accused of false cases related to dowry and domestic violence, another innocent Indian man was killed by his own wife and lover. So much for the so called holy and pious institution of marriage.

At present marriage in India is nothing but a materialistic alliance based of greed and benefits. The man has to play the role of a provider and care taker. I have often asked myself " What is in it for me?" What benefits am I going to get if I were to get married?  I am not able to find an answer.

The reality is that married men have a difficult time. The initial years of marriage may be good but later years are not easy. I have nothing against married men, they made a choice and I am have made mine.

At 38, I have mental peace, a prized possession that many Indian men are deprived of. No more taunts and criticism at home. A stillness and tranquility in  my small flat that I currently stay in. No useless and unwanted social functions to attend to. No requirement to living up to the expectations of the Indian society. Live the way you want. 

Companionship, soulmate and life partner is just a myth and highly overrated. I don't feel lonely as I have many things to do and keep myself engaged. Life is a journey and one must go on. MGTOW lifestyle is the ultimate path of liberation and freedom for Indian men if they want it. 

I choose not to be a slave of a system/institution that ill treats men, disrespects them and robs them of their entire wealth in family courts. Lakhs of Indian men have faced it and are currently facing it. Why take the risk?

With radical feminism and feminazism in our society, MGTOW is the lifestyle sane Indian men can adopt and follow. 

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

My dear single Indian men, believe me, marriage is not worth it: Bhaveen Sheth-Indian MGTOW

Greetings from the Indian MGTOW!!!

I hope you all are doing well. Please be safe and protect  yourself. The pandemic is getting severe and cases are rising day by day.

Today's post is exclusively dedicated  to my young readers, men between 25-30 and above who are in a dilemma to get married. There must be a lot pressure on you, be it peer, family or society. But take this advice, an advice from a 38 year old veteran MGTOW, marriage is not worth it, not in today's times of radical feminism and militant feminazism.

You may be thinking a lot. You must be having a dream of having that destination wedding, a luxurious honeymoon, a beautiful married life and most important , a loving and caring partner but believe me it is just not worth it. Loving and  caring partner is a myth. It does not exist, please don't fool yourself. You must be looking at the social media posts of your friends who are happily married and be thinking that one day you too will find you soul mate. Social media is big lie, a distortion of reality. 

Have you asked yourself why you are in demand? Because you are young and in your prime. You have an education and a good degree, a well paying job in a good organization, you are rising in your career and you have a good designation. What if you did not have all this? I guess even the street dog would have never asked for you.

And still there is more that you have to do if you are to get married. You need to buy a house of your own, even buy a car because today's entitled princesses demand it. This will be followed by a dream wedding and an expensive honeymoon for which you will have to sacrifice two or three months salary. Maybe you will have to maintain an expensive lifestyle after getting married because your madamji wife wants it.

Is it worth??? I guess not. Ask what value addition is the woman bringing in your life other than her good looks and fair skin. Can she take care of the home? Can she cook? Can she clean? Can she do the laundry or manage groceries? Is she accommodating? Can she live a simple lifestyle?

All the above questions are difficult to answer. But why make a major lifestyle change if there is no value addition? Why spend a lot money to meet the demands and fulfills the dreams of another person who will never respect and appreciate you?

At the age of 38 I have come across numerous men who are stuck in dysfunctional and dead end marriages. They are not happy. Why do you want to make your life miserable? Do you want to become like them?

Live single, live alone and follow the MGTOW lifestyle. In the journey of life if you come across someone who is compatible and understands you, you can get married. Your choice. However at this moment just don't get married just because everyone is getting married. It is not worth it.

Bhaveen Sheth

INDIAN MGTOW

As Adult Orphans we are not complicated, you just need to understand us and give us a chance: Bhaveen Sheth- DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

Adult orphans don't need any introduction. We are a small community that exists in India. We are in our 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s. We are mature enough to handle responsibilities, way ahead of the people belonging to our age bracket and mentally strong to face difficult situations and challenges. Yes, we do exist and live like normal human beings. Some of us have lost our loved ones in a tragedy and some have left their dysfunctional families for good with no intention of returning back. We are a minute or minuscule population that exists.

The country and society that we live in is not easy. We as adult orphans are wrongly perceived and badly treated. Guess we are the odd ones out. Our society is not willing accept or accommodate different people. As Adult Orphans we are often mistrusted, doubted and looked upon with suspicion. Our own personality no matter how unique it may be or our individualism does not matter. The fact that we stand on our own feet is not respected. Our character is judged as we do not have parents or a family. We are  not dangerous people just because we don't have a family background. We are not anti--social elements that pose a threat to the society. And still we are wrongly perceived. The reality of discrimination and ill treatment strikes when you move into the real world after your college like it happened in my case. I guess I was just naive. Companionship was denied. Looking at happy families having fun made be realize what I lacked. Empty homes was what I came back to and lonely weekends awaited me. Like all youngsters in their late 20's, I too had a dream, a desire, a feeling that I would get married one day and have a loving and caring spouse. However I was not prepared for what life had in store for me. During that search for a matrimonial alliance and a lifelong companion I was rejected, insulted and humiliated, courtesy: No parents or family background.Initially it was difficult to accept such ill treatment, later I got used to it. Over the years I gave up on marriage. For me, self respect and esteem mattered more, I did not want to loose it. I accepted my fate and became stoic.  Even then people have a problem with me because I am still not married. I am often given unwanted advice, told that I am too rigid or have high standards. These very people who given me sound advises will never want their daughters, sisters or female relatives to marry me. Behind my back I am often ridiculed for not being married. One statement was " He does not have parents and he is not married". Over the years I have lived to learn a content life enjoying my own company. That is also liked by people. I don't care for what people think because majority of them are flawed. And yet they perceive us as humans having negative traits.

This post is on behalf of all those adult orphans who are presently fighting their own battles on their own and silently suffering. I just wanted to say that we too are human beings,we also have feeling and emotions.Fact is that no one listens to our problems and no one care how we feel. We brood alone and suffer in silence, our emotions are repressed and feelings are curbed. In spite of all this we have to put a smile and a normal demeanor and face the world. Not many can understand us We carry a burden, an inheritance of loss and suffering. The loss of our loved ones or the curse of being born on a toxic dysfunctional family whom we left forever never to return back. People with normal families can't understand or associate much with us. It is easy to pass judgement without giving much thought. We are not here for your superficial sympathy, we don't like it. Some of us may be introvert and take time opening up to others. The loss of a protective family cover makes us vigilant, we try to be extra careful. Mentally we are above the age of our peers. Loss of loved ones and difficult challenges makes us a mature person.

We are human beings and don't want to be treated as sub-humans. We lost our parents or were born into toxic dysfunctional families. This was our fate or destiny. We can't be blamed for it. Incidents happen, What matters is what we made out our lives. If we have done well in our educations and careers, then why are we not treated equally?  On the personal front when we live a perfectly normal and healthy lives, then why are we perceived wrongly? Why do the majority consider us as abnormal people having problems? Why are we considered unstable and untrustworthy? Having a family or parents does not guarantee character, morals or the ability to take responsibilities and face challenges in life. By 38 ,I have come across many cases where people in spite of having parents and families have trouble completing their education, finding a job, keep the job, handling marriage and living a stable life. The parents keep on being supportive even when their children have turned into adults. I have come across grown up men being mamma's boys and grown up women being daddy's little princesses. I have often seen these grown up people in spite of having a family support finding it difficult to navigate through situations in their lives. If I were to compare myself and almost all other adult orphans, we are far better is living independent lives. However this factor is never acknowledged by the larger society.

There are times I wish that the majority would just understand us for who we are before passing judgement on us. Every one has his/her own story and before passing comments it is important for us to understand a person in context to his/her background. Giving sympathy to us is not something we want, we are tired of it. Not having parents does not make us characterless. Like all normal human beings we crave for companionship and a sense of belonging, something that has been denied to us. We make friends maybe limited friends but these are the friends who understand us without being prejudiced or judgmental, these are the friends who become a family to us willing to take a stand for us whenever required. We don't want to force our way, thoughts and ideals on anyone, we will go with the flow. Many of us struggle for find companionship in the opposite gender. It happens. The loss of our loved ones leaves a vacuum within us that is not easy to fill. It takes years for us to come in terms with what we have lost. The world filled with manipulative and materialistic people makes us vigilant.We have to be extra careful. Some of us go on being alone even in their 30s and 40s without getting married. It is not that they never tried to to get married. Everyone tries. However our society goes only by superficial appearances and show off. Lying and exaggeration appeals people, tell them the truth and they won't even look at you. Any adult orphan who is in his/her 30's and 40's will understand this. If they had ever tried for marriage they would have gone through their own rounds of humiliations and embarrassments.

This post is not about me telling my condition or begging for some alliance. No!!! This is on behalf of all those adult orphans who are living their lives and fighting for survival. As human beings and citizens of this country we have the right to live our lives, we have the right to be happy and we have to right to enjoy. We ask for nothing more than acceptance and equality, nothing more and nothing less.

We as adult orphans are not complicated, you just need to understand us.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW