Celebrating 70 years of India's independence: Is the Indian man really free?-BHAVEEN SHETH DTOSIM

Bhaveen Sheth the writer of this blog talks on the freedom of Indian men in the last 70 years since India's independence. This essay discusses the reality of Indian men in today's feminised society where men are increasingly being vilified  and branded as evil creatures.

On 15th of  August last month India celebrated its 70th year of Independence. Seventy years ago India had its tryst with destiny where at midnight the Union Jack was replaced by the Indian tricolour.  In the last seventy years many events have marked the timeline of this nation:India has achieved many important milestones.

Seventy years ago we became free, free from foreign rule, free from slavery, free from exploitation and oppression and free from the shackles of bondage.But in spite of all this, I would like to ask whether the Indian man is truly free? Is he able to celebrate independence in its true spirit? Does he get to taste the fruits of independence? Has he been able to reap the harvest of India becoming independent?I doubt if that really happened or will really happen in the near future. The Indian man in still under the shackles of bondage, slavery and oppression. The only difference is that after the Britishers left, the Indian man got new oppressors in the form of the Indian society and feminists. In the points mentioned below I mention how the Indian man is still enslaved by the society in spite of being a citizen of a free and independent country.

1. Slavery in the form of insurmountable expectations

A friend has mentioned to me a long while ago that in India when an male child is born , he is automatically labelled as Ram or Shravan. He is the torch bearer of the family name and is expected to carry the family legacy ahead. He is to shoulder the family's burden, he is to take care of his parents, educate his younger siblings, get his sisters married, get himself married and have children.The Indian man is expected to pursue conventional vocations like medicine, engineering, MBA, law or civil services. He is expected to take up a government job that ensures job security or a well paying job in an MNC. Where is the freedom?Where is the independence? Indian men have to live up to the expectations of others that have been created on pure fantasy. Can an Indian man live a life of liberty when he is bound by the shackles of expectations? Even now a majority of Indian men are living the life of a slave in order to meet some useless expectation.

2. A catalyst to fulfil the unfulfilled dreams of parents.

Indian parents always want to relive their lives through their children. They want their descendent to all those things that they could not do in their lives.Everything right from schooling, college, career choices, achievements and accomplishments are decided by parents, more so for the male gender.Indian men are not given any choice. Childhood and teenage years are pre-programmed by parents. Successful and accomplished Indian men are flaunted as prized trophies by parents in front of others. A boy is forced to pursue medicine or engineering because his father could not do the same.Even hobbies and activities are decided by parents just because they could not pursue the same in their childhood. So here again I ask,: Where is the liberty?

3. No freedom to love the women of his choice.

In the last 70 years many things have changed in India. Our society has become modern and more accepting, mostly on the superficial front. At core level it remains deeply traditional and conservative. Even today Indian men don't find true love. And if they find it in a woman, norms dictated by the society does not allow things to continue ahead. In my previous points I have mentioned how the burden of expectations does not allow men to go out and find love. add that to a strenuous college life and an over demanding job in the later years of life. The Indian men are living a loveless life. Indian men have been conditioned to believe that they can only find love after achieving success but that is not the case. Even today going out with a girl is a taboo in many parts of India. Marriages are mostly arranged.There are many instances where men end up in a loveless marriage.So here I ask, do Indian men have the freedom to fin true love?

4.India is no country for sexual experimentation.

Sex is a basic need, admit it, irrespective of gender this carnale desire forms the base of Maslow's pyramid. But in India we practice double standards and hypocrisy at a magnanimous level. We have a rich cultural history in carnal practices and yet fornicating with with someone is considered to be a sinful crime. Indian society never allows sexual experimentation, having sex with an underage girl (below 18) is tantamount to rape. If gender segregation was a primary barrier to debar sex then caste , creed and religion are secondary fortifications. With a price tag of purity attached to virginity of women, pre-marital sex is not easy. In college while 5% boys get lucky , 95 % don't. Many boys end up becoming friend zoned or at worse Bhai zoned.Workplace is no easy place for coupling as it is all about a match for equals.Arrogant, conceited and haughty Indian women make it extremely difficult for men to approach them. Asking a woman for a coffee is equivalent to outraging her modesty. And the women complain why the men don't make the first move? Arranged marriage is the only sure shot way to guarantee Indian men unlimited sex. But that too comes with its own terms and conditions. The wife holds the vantage point and keeps the man on a tight leash with giving and denying sex.This goes on. Pregnancy plays a havoc on the psyche of the woman.Motherhood makes her loose interest in sex.And soon we are going to have laws on marital rape that will criminalise sex within marriage. So much for seventy years of Independence.

Prostitution has not been legalised, dubious escort agencies work as extorting rackets, getting a room in a hotel for a couple of hours to copulate arouses suspicions, extra marital sex is a crime, having normal sexual desires automatically gets a man labelled as a pervert.If a single man brings a woman to his house, he is considered a threat to the social moral fabric of the society.Going on sex tourism to countries like Thailand or Uzbekistan will get you labelled as a sexual lunatic.It is strange that we respect the white men (our former masters)when we see them fulfilling their sexual desires and detest our own Indian fellow men for doing so.In terms of sexual freedom we are highly repressed by a dictatorial and autocratic society and a pathetic archaic judicial system. So much for sexual freedom.

5. Monkeys dancing to the tunes of their wives.

We may have evolved from monkeys but Indian men still retain many characteristics of monkeys especially the street side monkeys who have a leash tied around to their necks and are made to perform as per the wishes of their masters.You know, the madaari and jamura.. Marriage is some way turns an Indian man into a slave, don't know why. It can be the sex , the beauty, the flesh, the charm and of course the need for validation.Post marriage many Indian men find their self confidence and self esteem take a big hit, subservience and servileness becomes a part of their normal behaviour.Men become slaves and will do anything to see a smile of the face of their wives.

6. Bonded labourers to Equated Monthly Instalments (EMI's) and home loans.

Post India's economic liberalisation in the year 1991, debt found a new corporate name: EMI and home loans.The ubiquitous albatross that is found hanging in the necks of hundreds and thousands of Indian men. Marriage has forced men to adopt a lifestyle beyond their means and capacity. House, cars, electronic accessories, mobile phones and many other things are paid through EMI's and home loans.The man becomes a lifetime slave.He does a job he does not like, works for an organisation that has a toxic work culture, professional development takes a hit, his personal interest, dreams and desires take a back seat. Children's school and college fee brings an additional burden. The wife neither contributes nor helps.She had a well paying job before marriage but is now a full time home maker. She states her feminine philosophy that a man should take care of his wife.I wonder why do such women even get educated and waste their father's hard earned money.The man ends up living the life of a slave until retirement and wonders what kind of life is he living?This is the new kind of slavery that is growing day after day and our leaders say that we are free from oppression.

7.Draconian anti-male laws within the judicial system.

The British used draconian laws during the colonial era and imprisoned thousands of freedom fighters. After the British left normal life resumed.But three decades later somewhere in 1980's a new dowry prohibition law came into effect. The law that was pushed forward by India's feminazis. This law became one of the most misused and abused laws within the judicial system of this nation.More that thousands are arrested under this law for no reason, 98 % cases turn out to be fake.Over the years we have seen many such draconian  laws come into effect, the domestic violence act, the amendment of the Hindu marriage act and now a law on marital rape is in the anvil.There are more that 15 anti-male laws within our judicial system.Many Indian women get a huge satisfaction in dragging their husbands and in-laws to courts.It seems that getting married itself is a big crime.Thousands of men have been falsely accused and are fighting in courts to prove their innocence.

Forget marriage, even having sex with a woman is dangerous, atl east in India.Many women have filled rape charges against their boyfriends/live in partners stating that they were cheated on the false pretext of marriage.When did casual sex turn into a marriage proposal? If these women are so particular about their virginity, they should not indulge in casual sex. And yes, I forgot to mention the amendments that took place in 2013 after the famous Nirbhaya incident.A man charged under the existing rape laws faces life imprisonment.Even workplaces have become dangerous minefields.The new laws addressing sexual harassment at workplace are equally draconian and female biased.There is no support for men in case if they are victims. Alimony laws mandate that a husband should pay hefty alimony after separation, half of his property is to go to his wife after separation. And this is not the end , there are many such draconian laws that will be implemented in the near future.

8. Prejudice and hatred towards single Indian men.

Sensible Indian men have started living single, some out of choice, some out of compulsion and some of because of their own destiny.But even these men are not spared from the prejudice of the Indian society.We (the single Indian men) have become the new outcasts or scheduled castes. We are the new dalits of the modern Indian society:hated, detested, secluded and segregated, this is how the married Indian folks treat us.In their eyes we have violated the norms of the society by staying single.Not a day will go by when a single Indian man is critically reminded about his single status.Single Indian men are discriminated on many fronts:they don't get a house on rent, a table at a fancy restaurant, buying a property is equally cumbersome, no one invites them to any social functions, gatherings or events. Life is definitely not easy for single  men in India,

I come back to my primary question. On the 70th anniversary of India's independence , is the Indian man really free?I guess not! The only thing is that our masters have changed. Before independence we had British rulers and now we have femnisists, feminzais and an autocratic Indian society.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and will be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

A moment of introspection for single Indian men-DOTSIM-Bhaveen Sheth

A few days ago, I finished reading the book titled "From Home to house", writings of the Kashmiri Pandits in Exile.I take this inspiration after reading one of the chapters written by Mr.K. N. Pandita who writes on moments of introspection.

 Indian men living single for many reasons will have their own moments of introspection. Yes we are single, living in a country and a society where the majority is married.We are single because something did not go right. We may be orphans, we may have left our dysfunctional families for good, we got left out on the marriage front, women did not see us as suitable life partners., we got separated, we got divorced.There are infinite reasons for us living a single life. We don't owe an explanation to the society.

Marriage is out of the question for us.For the first time in so many decades since India's independence Indian men have finally breathed freedom:freedom form the unwanted responsibilities of the Indian society, freedom from the shackles and bondage of a dysfunctional family and freedom from toxic marriages.Remember those times when you were keen to get married? Remember those days when you met potential brides? Remember those moments when you were humiliated and ridiculed just because you did not meet up to certain expectations? Remember those days when your parents were informed that you were rejected by a potential girl just because you did not meet up to her standards? Do you remember those feelings of despair, hopelessness, despondency and formlessness? How did it feel like getting rejected each and every time?

You and your parents went from pillar to post in order to find a suitable match but nothing happened. In my case (I am am an orphan) and for those who left their dysfunctional families for good,seeking a matrimonial alliance was even more difficult.No one wanted to associate with someone who did not have any people family background.Years have gone by and now we are in our 30s and 40s. But still, even today we brood over being a leftover single, we are sad for not having a family.

It will take some time for some of us to come out of this syndrome of being a leftover single man.We will have to look at new avenues in terms of our vocation, career , entertainment and a creative life away from the norms of the Indian society.

During the first phases of our single life, we will face a lot of difficulties. Living alone has never been easy. This phase will test us. We will be vulnerable during this period. One should remain positive and never give in to any kind of addiction or vice.Madly looking out for love and expecting a woman to be our emotional pillar will lead to grave disappointments.We will have to sit down and think on how we can chart out our future course of life.

Grit and determination will pave our way forward. Gradually a realization will dawn upon us on the need to start making the best use of our lives.In order to be truly alone, we must move out of our own homes or comfort zones. We will have to live separately, away from our parents.We will have to make ourselves immune from the criticisms and taunts of the Indian society.

During this phase we will have to work on our careers and become better professionals, pursue activities of continuous professional development, get advanced certifications, work in different places where the job is challenging. We will have to make a place for ourselves, both vertically and horizontally. We will have to rise to the top echelons within the organization. In the coming two to three decades we should be financially sound living in a house in our own name.

Not being married does not become an end of life.Our motivation to live a better life should take us to places. No land is foreign to us and no territory is forbidden to us.We should think about immigrating to foreign countries or even do minor job stints in Gulf rich kingdoms, it will add magnanimously to our bank balance.

It is futile to live with this dream or hope of getting married.It is futile to expect the Indian society to understand us.We are important to no one, a non-entity, unwanted disposable beings.For the Indian society we are a liability, a stinky lot.We are objects of ridicule and taunts.The society considers us to be losers as we could not get married, keep a woman or father a child. Being branded as a pariah , the society has shut its gates to us forever.

The Indian media considers it a taboo to speak on the plight of single Indian men.The feminists and their feminazi cousins harbour rabid fanaticism of hatred towards us. We are labelled as potential paedophiles, rapists and certified sex offenders. We have been branded as sex maniacs and perverts.

We ask for equal treatment, we ask for respect and dignity. We ask for a place in the Indian society, we ask for a representation as a minority.But no one is there to understand our situation.

We cannot move forward if we keep thinking that we are victims.We cannot move forward if we keep thinking ourselves to be bare branches or leftover men ( a slang used for unmarried men in China). How can we remain happy if we are so hard on ourselves. We need to move ahead. I understand that things did not go well with us and that's why we are still single.One cannot brood over his past.However we must learn to take care of ourselves, we should groom well, wear good clothes, exercise, live a healthy lifestyle and take up creative activities. We should travel alone across the length and breadth of this country. It is during these journeys that we will explore ourselves and return back fully charged. We also need to learn important life skills. This will make us confident and self reliant paving our path towards a happy single life. Why do we need a woman to come in our lives so that she can cook and feed us?

My dear single Indian men, we are not the only ones who have seen sadness, grief or suffering. Human history is replete with all this. Ours is not an exceptional case. Remember, solo living and displacement is a great boon, blessing and virtue, if we can utilise it properly.Many great single men have made remarkable achievements by remaining single. Do I need to explain the life of Dr.Abdul Kalam or Mr.Ratan Tata. We will have to unleash the potential that has been dormant within us for a long time and create our own new world with a new vision.Only the weak and feeble will cry over their miserable condition. We, the single Indian men are strong and we must rise to this occasion and challenge.

Go ahead and live that meaningful life. Live a life that we become an object of an envy for each and every married person Live your life in such a manner that all people will stand up and say that you are the one who is truly living his life.

Single Indian Men have dignity and self respect

For all the people of the Indian society who think that some Indian men are singe because they do not pursue women or make the first move are grossly mistaken.The reason we may still be single is because we like to uphold our dignity. Strange isn't it,  but it is true. Many men like me want to be respected and not be ill treated.

We have had our fair share of experiences, we have been rebuked, insulted, ignored, poorly treated and verbally abused. And for what? Just because we made the first move, just because we took the initiative and were direct with someone we liked. 

Indian women expect us to ask them out and when we do it, we are criticised for being desperate men. We are labelled as "CHEPS" or "CHEPUS" a colloquial north Indian term for a sticky person.And yes , not to forget that a girl's father, mother , brother and sister is also involved in this process. Ya, we have had stories when the family members of girls and women have told us to stop calling and contacting them. Some have even threatened us with dire consequences. 

And what for , what for have we been treated so badly? Just because we showed interest in some women and made the first move? Why should we even compromise with our self respect and dignity?

Why should we berate ourselves? Why should we compromise on our dignity?

And this is the reason why we do not make the first move, this is the reason that we are happy being single, this is the reason where a life of solo stoicism is more acceptable.

As I end this I clearly state that we the single Indian men are happy the way we are and are not interested in mingling certainly not at the cost of our self respect and dignity. As far as the women are concerned, they can do what they please. Many of them will remain single fantasising that why no one came and approached them while some will get married to some guy belonging to their own caste and community.

And that is the end of story. For many of my single Indian male friends, I salute you for upholding your self respect and  dignity.

This is Bhaveen Sheth and i promise to be back with a lot more.

Song for the Single Indian Man-SAALA KHADOOS TITLE SONG

Dear Readers,

I have started dedicating songs that represent the lives of single Indian men. Please find the song of the movie Saala Khadoos below:

Madhavan stars as a boxing coach who is single and is always misunderstood due to his professionalism and self righteous reasons. He clearly exemplifies many single Indian men like us. Enjoy this song.

CHEERS!!!!!!

Single Indian men-Beware of the escort extortion rackets

Yesterday while browsing some news websites, I came across an article wherein  a commercial pilot sought companionship with a women on a adult website. Little did he know that he was falling into a trap. The woman from the site met and lured him to her flat. Later some guys claiming to be from the police crime branch burst into the flat and threatened the pilot that he would be implicated in a rape case if he did not pay. They extorted a huge amount from him. For more details you can read the link below:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/On-adult-date-pilot-trapped-in-rape-case/articleshow/53123427.cms

Companionship is something that many single Indian men across India need. We still lack a proper dating platform where single people can meet. Many single men have to resort to dubious escort agencies to seek companionship. Many such agencies are extortion rackets where in some criminal elements  are waiting to pounce on vulnerable men.

Single Indian men should clearly refrain from taking any kind of service from such agencies. This is not the first case which has appeared in the media, there are many such incidents wherein men have been robbed in a similar modus operandi.

Hence I request all single Indian men to take caution and keep themselves away from such services.

BHAVEEN SHETH-DOTSIM- EMOTIONALLY ABUSED INDIAN HUSBANDS

Bhaveen Sheth the writer of this blog writes on married Indian men who suffer from emotional abuse at the hands of their wives. I try to state the facts on emotional abuse faced by many Indian husbands to such an extent that many have been forced to commit suicide.

Not one day goes by when you don't get to hear or read on cases of domestic violence against Indian women in newspapers, internet or the social media. The feminist media has tried its best that any such cases whether real or fake are highlighted and given all kinds of publicity.

It is always the married Indian women who are physically abused, harassed, ill treated, beaten,battered, thrown out of the house. The media loves to make martyrs out of such Indian wives, not to say that they want to increase their own TRP ratings. No one focuses on emotionally abused Indian husbands. Their condition is at best forgotten.

I write on this topic as I feel that many Indian husbands are being emotionally and mentally harassed in India.A majority of such men choose to remain silent. They do not discuss their problems with anyone. As the years go by, abuse becomes more toxic.

Life has never been easy to men in India. Marriage is a ceremony that all Indian men want to undergo. They want the tangible and intangible benefits offered within the institution of marriage. Unfortunately real life is not a dream world, it is not some Yash Chopra movie where there is always a happy ending.

Many Indian women are smart and manipulative. They are aware of the weaknesses that Indian men have.They always want to have an upper hand in the marriage. Marriages in India have been all about mergers and acquisitions where both sides want to get maximum benefit out of the other.

One common observation about emotionally abused Indian husbands is that their wives  are stronger and more confident than them. It is the wife who takes all the decisions and it she who will call the shots. Another observation is that these wives are good looking and well groomed while the husbands are average or below average lookers.

So why do you have beautiful Hourie looking women getting married to an average Joe? The answer is simple! The guy is loaded . He comes from  a decent family, has good educational qualifications ( you know the IIT-IIM  passout, B-School pass out, software engineer, doctor, investment banker). He draws a good salary. All this is enough for a beautiful woman to marry him even if he is a dork.

Many such abused Indian husbands suffer from an inherent inferiority complex. They are men who are not confident, they suffer from a low self esteem, they have never discovered themselves, they never had any girlfriend before getting married, they never went out on  a date. These men were bought up under a strict patriarchal father and extremely loving and caring mother. Such men always seek validation , especially from women.They are emotionally dependent on their mothers and subsequently in the later years of their lives, their wives. It is this weakness that is exploited by the wife.

During the initial years of the marriage men may not notice emotional abuse but over the years the verbal abuse, taunts,criticism and sometimes physical abuse increases. These manipulative wives make their husbands so dependent on them that they end up seeking validation from their wives for each and every thing.

In the later stages things gets very bad.These wives want it all. They want to rule the house.The husband will naturally give in.Many such husbands are happy to play the role of a second fiddle.

And then the abuse becomes toxic.The husbands often get compared with other men who have been more successful than them. These manipulative wives openly insult and humiliate their husbands by stating that they have not been able to achieve anything when compared to other men.

Emotional tantrums are often thrown by the wives as they want to have what they want.There are times when the husbands are openly insulted in public by their wives. They are rebuked and taunted in front of others and the wives openly laugh at them.

And if that was not enough, these wives use threats to get what they want. They threaten on walking out of the marriage, they threaten of divorce , of filling all kinds of false cases against their husbands. Some women go to a further extent. They put their words in action.One of the most powerful instruments that such manipulative women use is the SILENT TREATMENT. They stop acknowledging the presence of their husbands. They stop avoiding their husbands till the time they come and apologize and meet their demands of their wives.

Another weapon used is the absolute denial of sex or any kind of physical contact knowing how desperate men are for sex.The poor husbands are forced to live the life of a married celibate.

Children and in-laws are further manipulated. These women play the victim card who is always neglected and abused.WOW!! Talk on women's empowerment and you have it.

And of course there are these evil wives who will put their evil thought in action. They will flirt with other men in front of their husbands, knowing how their husbands will burn from inside. Some will even have affairs with other men to put their husbands down. After all it is all about MY CHOICE.

Abuse extends to the level of the financial arena. These wives take full control of their husbands salary while the poor husbands survive on peanuts. These wives end up splurging the hard earned money of their husbands on all kinds of materialistic pursuits.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the abuse  faced by Indian husbands and I hope after reading this blog post more Indian husbands will share their stories.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise o be back with a lot more

BHAVEEN SHETH

Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM- A marriage that came to an end before the honeymoon period got over

During my visit to Goa, 2 months ago, I went to an Udupi restaurant daily to have breakfast daily. One day while having my breakfast , I observed a couple sitting two tables adjacent to me. Going by their looks, they were in their late 20's or early 30's and had been recently got married because the wife was wearing choora on her forearms and the vermilion on her forehead was clearly marked. But something was odd about that couple.While the man looked okay, the woman was uptight and in a foul mood, there was no smile on her face.. She didn't seem to be happy Now that was really odd about a newly married couple.What had gone wrong? Did the marriage break her expectations?Was it a forced arranged marriage? Was it a loveless marriage that was done just to keep other people happy? I could not understand. But going by experience, I clearly know that this marriage will not last for long. It will either lead to a bitter divorce or lead to the couple living a loveless marriage that has hit a dead end.Both ways it is a failure.

At times I wonder, I wonder why people get into such loveless marriages.It is better to remain single and be happy that to get married to someone you don't love.

The couple was gone by the time I finishes my breakfast but they left me thinking for long.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and will be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH