Remembering all those humiliating and insulting matrimonial meetings: Bhaveen Sheth-Indian MGTOW

I like to write down and share my own experiences on the insulting and humiliating matrimonial meetings that I have faced during my 20s and 30s. I was then a young indealistic guy, fresh out in the world after completing my post graduation and starting a new job. Like all men of my age I dreamt of getting married and starting a family of my own.

Little did I know what was in store for me, I used to think that being a self made man would make me looked upon as a respectable person but that was not the case. In our country people judge you based on your family background. It is what defines you as a person. Sadly I did not have any. Being an adult orphan , with no family to represent me, put me in a difficult position.

The parents of potential brides judged me, my integrity, morals, behaviour and character. No one was willing to consider me, I guess they had trust issues. What is your background? Where is the rest of your family? How can we give away our daughter to a man who does not have any family? You must be a fraud?  Don't you have anyone from your family to represent you? How is that possible? 

What I did not understand is why did these people agree to speak to me or meet me in the first place when I had clearly stated everything about my background? 

I also got matrimonial interests from women whom no would marry. I believe they were a Hobson's choice. They were not getting a match from a so called suitable or decent families and they only had me as a choice. I guess in India , orphans have no options.

In my early 30s, I decided to live a single life. By the time I turned  34, the MGTOW movement had come to India and the JIO Internet blitzkring took place in 2016. More and more single Indian men started connecting with each other online and shared the benefits of MGTOW lifestyle. I found joy in taking up the MGTOW lifestyle. My involvement in men's rights activism and subsequent talks with aggrieved men fighting matrimonial disputes/cases made me realize that marriage in India was just a sham.

Today, I am extremely happy at the lifestyle decision I made.I look back over the years and laugh that those meetings, yes they were insulting and humiliating but it was good that marriage never happened. It also made me realize how materialistic people are in the Indian society. While forging an alliance with people , they are only looking for their own long term benefits.

This was my experience and I thought of sharing the same. I will also be writing a post on the humiliations that today's men face during matrimonial meetings.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

Enjoying Saturday Evening: Bhaveen Sheth-Indian MGTOW

So what would a Saturday evening look like for a veteran Indian MGTOW aka Single Man. I guess it is all about relaxation ,entertaintment and good food.

I generaly try to catch up some good shows and movies on Netflix or Amazon Prime. Along with this I place an order through Zomato for some good food. Saturday evenings are peaceful filled with fun and entertainment. Single life has its own benefits and I am making the best of it. I just thought of giving a glimpse of my life to fellow single Indian men. 

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

Transitioning into an Adult Orphan: Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM-Indian MGTOW

By the time you have reached 40 , you are very much an adult having attained maturity. It is another thing that there are still a large number of Indian men who have still not matured even after crossing 40.

I can confidently that I have transitioned into orphan adulthood. I have become more aware, concious and have attained the required experience to deal with the challenges that comes with living a life as a single man and orphan. Twenty years ago, I was a novice trying to figure out my way in life but that is no longer the case anymore. I have become a veteran, hardended by the difficulties that I have experienced.

One of the most important lessons that I have learnt is to focus on myself without bothering about what others say or do. I have my own life to work on and I am not here to please and appease others.

I have gradually accepted some realities of life that will stay for a long time. Loneliness and solitude is one of them. The second is to take up and face challenges all by myself. No one is going to come to help me. Years of living the life of an orphan has made me realize that no one comes to help people like us, we are just left on our own, forsaken by everyone. A bitter truth I have accepted.

Marriage will remain an impossible dream, just a fantasy that will never a positive outcome. I can be labelled as negative or cynical but I say that I am a pragmatist. All these years of having met these so called suitable alliances for marriage has taught me one thing; Orphans don't have the right to get married, majority of these so called people belonging to respectable families have their status and reputations to protect. Why would they want to marry their daughtes/sisters to orphans. Even at this age women who have crossed 35 and are looking for suitable alliances are not interested in orphans. It amazes me that even at the age of 40, I am not seen as an indivdual adult.

Gradually I am under going the process of dehumanization, that of unbecoming a human being. It has been years that I have felt the touch, embrace and affection of another human being. Even today as an Adult Orphan this is something I miss a lot and dream if such a thing was possible for me. But reality is not a dream world especially for orphans. I wish if people understood the kind of internal turmoil that orphans go through. That feeling of not being human even when you are phsyically a human, the lack of expression of feelings, unable to receive love and affection from another fellow human. The lack of inclusion within the larger society, of having no one to appreciate you on a personal level. Yes it hurts, hurts a lot and I have accepted all this stoically. With whom will I share my grievances? Even god have given up on us.

I ask myself many times "Would I have become a good father or a caring and dutiful husband if I had got married?" This is something difficult to answer. For the last two decades I am totally cut off from a normal family set up. I have missed out on social occasions, festivals, gathering and a lot more that comes with being a normal person who has a complete family. I don't even understand the importance of some social functions. Those initial years of being an orphan were difficult, gradually with the help of my two best mentors, I overcame my grief and moved on in order to chart a career path. However I did miss out on those important years when it comes to personal growth in realtion to family and society. At this point when marriage is ruled out, I will have to continue a solo life. Being a husband and a father is not written in my destiny. I guess that is life and sometimes it is not fair to everyone.

One of the most difficulties of being an adult orphan is always the need to be strong, the need to carry out battles all by yourself, the challenge of facing difficulties all alone. One cannot be weak or vulnerable. You don't have anyone to show your vulnerable side. Over the course of years it becomes a huge burden. The need to constantly be vigilant is not something that normal people go through. I have often seen that the support of a family does play an important role in facing challenges and diffculties that arise in the course of our lives, unfortunately as adult orphans we are on our own and we have to be self-dependent.

Of course, with everything there is always a silver linge. Being an Adult Orphan without a family gives you the freedom to chart the course of your life the way you want. I have no longer to live up to the exepectations of a family or a society. I feel like a free man who is only answerable to himself. Mental peace and a positive emotional health is something that I possess. I am not facing the stress and tension that today's married men (husbands and fathers) face. I have no one to feed or take care of other than myself. Small things and experiences make me happy. I have realized that a minimalistic living can make you content. I no longer compare myself with others as I focus on making a better version of myself every day. Yesterday has gone, today is there and tomorrow is someting I look forward to.

As I finish writing this post, I look forward to many things. I want to rise in my career and be looked upon as a thorough professional who knows his subject, I want to be remembered as a mentor who shaped the careers and lives of may people. On the personal front I want to help as many people as I can, be it orphans or single Indian men in living a happy and content life. I want to explore places in India, read as many books as I can, watch the best of the movies and web series available on popular OTT platforms. I have promised myself that I will never becomes one of those unfit pot bellied uncles in their 40s and 50s that one comes across. I want to be a fit and lean man and be looked with awe and respect. Yes respect. something that all orphans want and are yet denied just because they don;t have parents. 

This is my life and I have accepted all the challenges and difficiulties of an Adult Orphan, I have matured and transitioned myself into an veteran who has been hardended by experience.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

The Single Indian man aka Indian MGTOW turns 40: Bhaveen Sheth-Indian MGTOW

Today I have turned 40. Completed another decade and stepped into my 40s. I am happily single and marked myself safe from marriage. Over all these years I have had different experiences and have encountered many people.These experiences have shaped me as a person. Based on this I would like to write a few points below:

1. Relationships are trasnsactional. Barring a few people I have realized that most relationships are about give and take. People will associate with you when they need something, you will be called if someone wants help. Otherwise people don't want form a deep connect. I am okay with that and as part of growing up I have accepted this.

2. Marriage may not happen in my case and I am accepted this as a part of my life. For a person with  no  family makes me the most unqualified candidate for the Institution of marriage. Over the years I have the observed how degenerated this institution has become where in the matters have been taken to the police station and session courts. I have seen western debaunchery and degenerecy entering this institution and have gained enough wisdom to realize that marriage is no longer a holy institution in India.

3. I find solace in reading and watching good movies and web series on different OTT platforms. I guess this activities keep me enegaged and help me address that lonelienss that comes with living a single life.

4.I have started my fitness journey once again. The COVID pandemic and subsequent lockdows disturbed my schedule and now it is time to get back to my fitness routine.I have promised myself and that no matter what, I will not become like one of those 40 and 50 plus uncles that you meet in India who is unfit and out of shape.

5. I will resume my travel exploring different places and meeting new people. I have decided to dine out at food joints and restaurants on near by cities that have been recommended by youtubers.

6. With the wisdom gained over years of experience, I tend to avoid toxic and negative people. They zap your energy and emotionally drain you. I keep them 500 mtrs away from me.

7. I am now open to compansinship i.e means spending some time with a female if she comes across as a sane and rational woman. Though I follow the MGTOW lifestyle there is nothing wrong in seeking companionship of a woman. As a single man , I have the freedom to persue relationships and seek compansionship from women of my age bracket. In the journey of life there have to be some good memries, something that you will look back on and smile.

I celebreated by birthday all by myself at a cafe and here I say cheers of life, liberty and freedom:

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

Even after crossing 35, they still want their parents and siblings to talk: Bhaveen Sheth INDIAN MGTOW

Life can be amusing and you tend to laugh at the weird experiences you have with some people. My profile on shaadi.com is still there and at times I do receive some odd interest. Astonishing thing is that women above 35 want their parents and siblings (brothers or married sisters) to talk to me.

We are in the third decade of the 21st century where one gets to see great strides in women's empowerment and still you have 35 plus single Indian women who can't even initiate a decent consversation. So where did all the empowerement go.

In my opinion, after crossing the age of 30, a person is very much an adult who can take decisions independently. Unfortunately many single Indian women  post 30 are extremely shy or reserved. I guess they have still not developed the confidence of being assertive. 

Many of these women have great expectations of getting married, having that dream partner and the heavenly wedding. I guess social media and internet has made people live in a fantasy world, very much cut off from reality. But then , here you have the same women who can't even have a meaningful conversation. 

There have been times when a senior citizen has spoken to me or a sibling has initiated a talk. I just could not connect with them. It was acceptable if I were in my 20's and parents were doing all the talking but highly unacceptable in 30s and 40s.

Another observation made by me is that many of these single women who call themselves  independent, so called travellers and what not are actually not independent. Majority of them are still living with their parents. Some even have a brother who is married, has a wife and children living in the same home. In terms of age they might be older but if it comes to maturity they are equivalent to women in their 20s.

At times I don't understand why they are still single even in their late 30s especially in a country where the gender ratio is skewed. But let us put that debate aside for some other time. My question is "Why do these women disagree to talk or meet a man if they are so interested in getting married"? Is it lack of confidence? Are they scared? Is it something to do with self esteem? I don't know?

Having travelled and met so many people across this country, I have learnt one important lesson:Every human being is a book telling you a story. There are so many things you can learn from meeting a new person, have an intellectual and meanigful conversation. Not all meetings turn into long term realtionships or marriage alliances, but remember this, you get an experience and gain confidence.

Just thought about documenting what I felt. 

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW

A requirement for men's only spaces in India: Bhaveen Sheth-Indian MGTOW-DOTSIM

There are times when I feel there should be spaces and places dedicated to men and men only. A place where single men can visit and feel comfortable in order to experience solitude. Going by today, most places are dedicated  to couples and families with nothing for single Indian men. Now I don't have any problem with that as I have negotiated my way at restaurants, multiplexes and coffee shops, but an exclusive men's place can always create a difference.

Here are my thoughts on some facilities that can be dedicated to men and men only:

Gyms: Everyone wants to have a good workout in order to be fit and look good. Unfortunately majority of the gyms have been infiltrated by womenfolk making a lot of men nervous, conscious and uncomfortable. There are these young nibbis who have become influenced by social media, they all want to look like celebrities. They come to the gym in order to get maximum attention from the men out there, they will take all the space and required equipments. If you ask them to use the machine, they will give you that arrogant look as if you are some kind of a beggar. Every 5 minutes they will take a selfie in front of the mirror in order to post a picture on social media. The nibbi will also be accompanied with her friend who will take her picture and videos, tagging along with the nibbis are their beta simp boyfriends who act like their assistants. I get so damned irritated by the immature behavior of these new generation nibbis. After the nibbis , there are women in their mid and late 20's who are planning to get married in the next six months, They will come to the gym exclusively to loose weight in order to look like a princess bride on the wedding day. They also follow the same trend like the young nibbis. Half of the time they are on the phone having that romantic lovey dovy conversation with their fiances. Why can't they just shut their mouths and do the exercises. Then there is the third category, the 30 and 40 plus married women and mothers. They have become influenced by Malaika Arora and have joined they gym exclusively to look like Malaika. Most of the time these Aunties will be on the treadmill or the static cycle, they won't lift weights. If you are in North India, expect these women to be loud mouthed and shrieking all the time. They will call the trainer "Bhaiya". These women make gyms into their personal gossip centers where they will exercise for 20 minutes and gossip for 2 hours. After the gym session, they will have street side momos, pakoras, and pani puris. So much for going to the gym. With women entering the gym, most of the trainers neglect us men. It is like we just don't exist. Plus there is a lot of distraction. As a man i don't have  a problem in sharing space with another man. We men understand and respect each other. Were I to ask a 20 year old young boy for the weights , he would happily give it to me. The same thing does not apply to females. Plus, I as a man feel some kind of a discomfort in front of these women.  I just wish there were gyms that were exclusively dedicated to Men or at least they had separate floors for men and women.

Swimming Pools: A good swim is always required especially to beat the summer heat. Even though majority of the pools have different timings for males and females, I have often observed women entering the pool at time slots dedicated to men. I just can't understand. The management of these pools have a soft corner for women and they allow them to do what they want. Another point observed is that a lot of small children enter the pool often making it look like a children's park. Accompanied with these children are their mothers who will sit beside the pool and have snacks and do gossip. Again as a man I am uncomfortable at some women looking at my half naked body where I just have a swimming wear to cover me. This why I want swimming pools dedicated to men and men only.

Cafes: In India , people have no idea of what cafes are for. Abroad, it is for people to sit and enjoy coffee along with some snacks while reading a book or writing something.The music is relaxing and soothing and people have meaningful conversations at a low volume. Come to India, and cafes have just becomes bars and discotheques minus the alcohol. Either you will find youngsters in groups or loud couples. These people have no respect for the privacy and personal space of other people. Adding to this is the Punjabi rap bangda music being played at a high volume. I have been to some cafes where people have give me obnoxious stares when I was reading my book and enjoying coffee. In some cafes you can't even go during the peak afternoon hours as it is always crowded by couples and youngsters. These people literally shout creating nuisance for others.

Bars: Single Indian men also have the right to enjoy a drink or a pint of beer. Today most of the bars in the city are overcrowded with youngsters and one cannot enjoy a few moments to solace and solitude. A single Indian man wants a place where he can enjoy his drink peacefully with the background  music of Yaani, Yiruma and Kenny G. In Delhi-NCR, enterprising wine shop owners have extended their space by opening a kind of mini restaurant area either in the basement or rooftops where men can come and have a drink along with some food. In these places one will often find men, both married or single coming alone and having a drink. I guess, in a way it provides some solitude to these men. However it would be good if some enterprising businessman takes the idea forwards and opens a bar only for 30 plus Indian men where stags are given first priority.

I am writing this article in the context of the growing population of single Indian men. More and more men will remain single in India either out of their circumstances or their own volition. There is a need to provide them the space they require. There are spaces that should be exclusively for men and men only. If there are women only places then why can't there by men only places. This is something that the larger society should think about.

I rest my case.

Bhaveen Sheth

Indian MGTOW