Celebrating 70 years of India's independence: Is the Indian man really free?-BHAVEEN SHETH DTOSIM

Bhaveen Sheth the writer of this blog talks on the freedom of Indian men in the last 70 years since India's independence. This essay discusses the reality of Indian men in today's feminised society where men are increasingly being vilified  and branded as evil creatures.

On 15th of  August last month India celebrated its 70th year of Independence. Seventy years ago India had its tryst with destiny where at midnight the Union Jack was replaced by the Indian tricolour.  In the last seventy years many events have marked the timeline of this nation:India has achieved many important milestones.

Seventy years ago we became free, free from foreign rule, free from slavery, free from exploitation and oppression and free from the shackles of bondage.But in spite of all this, I would like to ask whether the Indian man is truly free? Is he able to celebrate independence in its true spirit? Does he get to taste the fruits of independence? Has he been able to reap the harvest of India becoming independent?I doubt if that really happened or will really happen in the near future. The Indian man in still under the shackles of bondage, slavery and oppression. The only difference is that after the Britishers left, the Indian man got new oppressors in the form of the Indian society and feminists. In the points mentioned below I mention how the Indian man is still enslaved by the society in spite of being a citizen of a free and independent country.

1. Slavery in the form of insurmountable expectations

A friend has mentioned to me a long while ago that in India when an male child is born , he is automatically labelled as Ram or Shravan. He is the torch bearer of the family name and is expected to carry the family legacy ahead. He is to shoulder the family's burden, he is to take care of his parents, educate his younger siblings, get his sisters married, get himself married and have children.The Indian man is expected to pursue conventional vocations like medicine, engineering, MBA, law or civil services. He is expected to take up a government job that ensures job security or a well paying job in an MNC. Where is the freedom?Where is the independence? Indian men have to live up to the expectations of others that have been created on pure fantasy. Can an Indian man live a life of liberty when he is bound by the shackles of expectations? Even now a majority of Indian men are living the life of a slave in order to meet some useless expectation.

2. A catalyst to fulfil the unfulfilled dreams of parents.

Indian parents always want to relive their lives through their children. They want their descendent to all those things that they could not do in their lives.Everything right from schooling, college, career choices, achievements and accomplishments are decided by parents, more so for the male gender.Indian men are not given any choice. Childhood and teenage years are pre-programmed by parents. Successful and accomplished Indian men are flaunted as prized trophies by parents in front of others. A boy is forced to pursue medicine or engineering because his father could not do the same.Even hobbies and activities are decided by parents just because they could not pursue the same in their childhood. So here again I ask,: Where is the liberty?

3. No freedom to love the women of his choice.

In the last 70 years many things have changed in India. Our society has become modern and more accepting, mostly on the superficial front. At core level it remains deeply traditional and conservative. Even today Indian men don't find true love. And if they find it in a woman, norms dictated by the society does not allow things to continue ahead. In my previous points I have mentioned how the burden of expectations does not allow men to go out and find love. add that to a strenuous college life and an over demanding job in the later years of life. The Indian men are living a loveless life. Indian men have been conditioned to believe that they can only find love after achieving success but that is not the case. Even today going out with a girl is a taboo in many parts of India. Marriages are mostly arranged.There are many instances where men end up in a loveless marriage.So here I ask, do Indian men have the freedom to fin true love?

4.India is no country for sexual experimentation.

Sex is a basic need, admit it, irrespective of gender this carnale desire forms the base of Maslow's pyramid. But in India we practice double standards and hypocrisy at a magnanimous level. We have a rich cultural history in carnal practices and yet fornicating with with someone is considered to be a sinful crime. Indian society never allows sexual experimentation, having sex with an underage girl (below 18) is tantamount to rape. If gender segregation was a primary barrier to debar sex then caste , creed and religion are secondary fortifications. With a price tag of purity attached to virginity of women, pre-marital sex is not easy. In college while 5% boys get lucky , 95 % don't. Many boys end up becoming friend zoned or at worse Bhai zoned.Workplace is no easy place for coupling as it is all about a match for equals.Arrogant, conceited and haughty Indian women make it extremely difficult for men to approach them. Asking a woman for a coffee is equivalent to outraging her modesty. And the women complain why the men don't make the first move? Arranged marriage is the only sure shot way to guarantee Indian men unlimited sex. But that too comes with its own terms and conditions. The wife holds the vantage point and keeps the man on a tight leash with giving and denying sex.This goes on. Pregnancy plays a havoc on the psyche of the woman.Motherhood makes her loose interest in sex.And soon we are going to have laws on marital rape that will criminalise sex within marriage. So much for seventy years of Independence.

Prostitution has not been legalised, dubious escort agencies work as extorting rackets, getting a room in a hotel for a couple of hours to copulate arouses suspicions, extra marital sex is a crime, having normal sexual desires automatically gets a man labelled as a pervert.If a single man brings a woman to his house, he is considered a threat to the social moral fabric of the society.Going on sex tourism to countries like Thailand or Uzbekistan will get you labelled as a sexual lunatic.It is strange that we respect the white men (our former masters)when we see them fulfilling their sexual desires and detest our own Indian fellow men for doing so.In terms of sexual freedom we are highly repressed by a dictatorial and autocratic society and a pathetic archaic judicial system. So much for sexual freedom.

5. Monkeys dancing to the tunes of their wives.

We may have evolved from monkeys but Indian men still retain many characteristics of monkeys especially the street side monkeys who have a leash tied around to their necks and are made to perform as per the wishes of their masters.You know, the madaari and jamura.. Marriage is some way turns an Indian man into a slave, don't know why. It can be the sex , the beauty, the flesh, the charm and of course the need for validation.Post marriage many Indian men find their self confidence and self esteem take a big hit, subservience and servileness becomes a part of their normal behaviour.Men become slaves and will do anything to see a smile of the face of their wives.

6. Bonded labourers to Equated Monthly Instalments (EMI's) and home loans.

Post India's economic liberalisation in the year 1991, debt found a new corporate name: EMI and home loans.The ubiquitous albatross that is found hanging in the necks of hundreds and thousands of Indian men. Marriage has forced men to adopt a lifestyle beyond their means and capacity. House, cars, electronic accessories, mobile phones and many other things are paid through EMI's and home loans.The man becomes a lifetime slave.He does a job he does not like, works for an organisation that has a toxic work culture, professional development takes a hit, his personal interest, dreams and desires take a back seat. Children's school and college fee brings an additional burden. The wife neither contributes nor helps.She had a well paying job before marriage but is now a full time home maker. She states her feminine philosophy that a man should take care of his wife.I wonder why do such women even get educated and waste their father's hard earned money.The man ends up living the life of a slave until retirement and wonders what kind of life is he living?This is the new kind of slavery that is growing day after day and our leaders say that we are free from oppression.

7.Draconian anti-male laws within the judicial system.

The British used draconian laws during the colonial era and imprisoned thousands of freedom fighters. After the British left normal life resumed.But three decades later somewhere in 1980's a new dowry prohibition law came into effect. The law that was pushed forward by India's feminazis. This law became one of the most misused and abused laws within the judicial system of this nation.More that thousands are arrested under this law for no reason, 98 % cases turn out to be fake.Over the years we have seen many such draconian  laws come into effect, the domestic violence act, the amendment of the Hindu marriage act and now a law on marital rape is in the anvil.There are more that 15 anti-male laws within our judicial system.Many Indian women get a huge satisfaction in dragging their husbands and in-laws to courts.It seems that getting married itself is a big crime.Thousands of men have been falsely accused and are fighting in courts to prove their innocence.

Forget marriage, even having sex with a woman is dangerous, atl east in India.Many women have filled rape charges against their boyfriends/live in partners stating that they were cheated on the false pretext of marriage.When did casual sex turn into a marriage proposal? If these women are so particular about their virginity, they should not indulge in casual sex. And yes, I forgot to mention the amendments that took place in 2013 after the famous Nirbhaya incident.A man charged under the existing rape laws faces life imprisonment.Even workplaces have become dangerous minefields.The new laws addressing sexual harassment at workplace are equally draconian and female biased.There is no support for men in case if they are victims. Alimony laws mandate that a husband should pay hefty alimony after separation, half of his property is to go to his wife after separation. And this is not the end , there are many such draconian laws that will be implemented in the near future.

8. Prejudice and hatred towards single Indian men.

Sensible Indian men have started living single, some out of choice, some out of compulsion and some of because of their own destiny.But even these men are not spared from the prejudice of the Indian society.We (the single Indian men) have become the new outcasts or scheduled castes. We are the new dalits of the modern Indian society:hated, detested, secluded and segregated, this is how the married Indian folks treat us.In their eyes we have violated the norms of the society by staying single.Not a day will go by when a single Indian man is critically reminded about his single status.Single Indian men are discriminated on many fronts:they don't get a house on rent, a table at a fancy restaurant, buying a property is equally cumbersome, no one invites them to any social functions, gatherings or events. Life is definitely not easy for single  men in India,

I come back to my primary question. On the 70th anniversary of India's independence , is the Indian man really free?I guess not! The only thing is that our masters have changed. Before independence we had British rulers and now we have femnisists, feminzais and an autocratic Indian society.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and will be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

A moment of introspection for single Indian men-DOTSIM-Bhaveen Sheth

A few days ago, I finished reading the book titled "From Home to house", writings of the Kashmiri Pandits in Exile.I take this inspiration after reading one of the chapters written by Mr.K. N. Pandita who writes on moments of introspection.

 Indian men living single for many reasons will have their own moments of introspection. Yes we are single, living in a country and a society where the majority is married.We are single because something did not go right. We may be orphans, we may have left our dysfunctional families for good, we got left out on the marriage front, women did not see us as suitable life partners., we got separated, we got divorced.There are infinite reasons for us living a single life. We don't owe an explanation to the society.

Marriage is out of the question for us.For the first time in so many decades since India's independence Indian men have finally breathed freedom:freedom form the unwanted responsibilities of the Indian society, freedom from the shackles and bondage of a dysfunctional family and freedom from toxic marriages.Remember those times when you were keen to get married? Remember those days when you met potential brides? Remember those moments when you were humiliated and ridiculed just because you did not meet up to certain expectations? Remember those days when your parents were informed that you were rejected by a potential girl just because you did not meet up to her standards? Do you remember those feelings of despair, hopelessness, despondency and formlessness? How did it feel like getting rejected each and every time?

You and your parents went from pillar to post in order to find a suitable match but nothing happened. In my case (I am am an orphan) and for those who left their dysfunctional families for good,seeking a matrimonial alliance was even more difficult.No one wanted to associate with someone who did not have any people family background.Years have gone by and now we are in our 30s and 40s. But still, even today we brood over being a leftover single, we are sad for not having a family.

It will take some time for some of us to come out of this syndrome of being a leftover single man.We will have to look at new avenues in terms of our vocation, career , entertainment and a creative life away from the norms of the Indian society.

During the first phases of our single life, we will face a lot of difficulties. Living alone has never been easy. This phase will test us. We will be vulnerable during this period. One should remain positive and never give in to any kind of addiction or vice.Madly looking out for love and expecting a woman to be our emotional pillar will lead to grave disappointments.We will have to sit down and think on how we can chart out our future course of life.

Grit and determination will pave our way forward. Gradually a realization will dawn upon us on the need to start making the best use of our lives.In order to be truly alone, we must move out of our own homes or comfort zones. We will have to live separately, away from our parents.We will have to make ourselves immune from the criticisms and taunts of the Indian society.

During this phase we will have to work on our careers and become better professionals, pursue activities of continuous professional development, get advanced certifications, work in different places where the job is challenging. We will have to make a place for ourselves, both vertically and horizontally. We will have to rise to the top echelons within the organization. In the coming two to three decades we should be financially sound living in a house in our own name.

Not being married does not become an end of life.Our motivation to live a better life should take us to places. No land is foreign to us and no territory is forbidden to us.We should think about immigrating to foreign countries or even do minor job stints in Gulf rich kingdoms, it will add magnanimously to our bank balance.

It is futile to live with this dream or hope of getting married.It is futile to expect the Indian society to understand us.We are important to no one, a non-entity, unwanted disposable beings.For the Indian society we are a liability, a stinky lot.We are objects of ridicule and taunts.The society considers us to be losers as we could not get married, keep a woman or father a child. Being branded as a pariah , the society has shut its gates to us forever.

The Indian media considers it a taboo to speak on the plight of single Indian men.The feminists and their feminazi cousins harbour rabid fanaticism of hatred towards us. We are labelled as potential paedophiles, rapists and certified sex offenders. We have been branded as sex maniacs and perverts.

We ask for equal treatment, we ask for respect and dignity. We ask for a place in the Indian society, we ask for a representation as a minority.But no one is there to understand our situation.

We cannot move forward if we keep thinking that we are victims.We cannot move forward if we keep thinking ourselves to be bare branches or leftover men ( a slang used for unmarried men in China). How can we remain happy if we are so hard on ourselves. We need to move ahead. I understand that things did not go well with us and that's why we are still single.One cannot brood over his past.However we must learn to take care of ourselves, we should groom well, wear good clothes, exercise, live a healthy lifestyle and take up creative activities. We should travel alone across the length and breadth of this country. It is during these journeys that we will explore ourselves and return back fully charged. We also need to learn important life skills. This will make us confident and self reliant paving our path towards a happy single life. Why do we need a woman to come in our lives so that she can cook and feed us?

My dear single Indian men, we are not the only ones who have seen sadness, grief or suffering. Human history is replete with all this. Ours is not an exceptional case. Remember, solo living and displacement is a great boon, blessing and virtue, if we can utilise it properly.Many great single men have made remarkable achievements by remaining single. Do I need to explain the life of Dr.Abdul Kalam or Mr.Ratan Tata. We will have to unleash the potential that has been dormant within us for a long time and create our own new world with a new vision.Only the weak and feeble will cry over their miserable condition. We, the single Indian men are strong and we must rise to this occasion and challenge.

Go ahead and live that meaningful life. Live a life that we become an object of an envy for each and every married person Live your life in such a manner that all people will stand up and say that you are the one who is truly living his life.

Single Indian Men have dignity and self respect

For all the people of the Indian society who think that some Indian men are singe because they do not pursue women or make the first move are grossly mistaken.The reason we may still be single is because we like to uphold our dignity. Strange isn't it,  but it is true. Many men like me want to be respected and not be ill treated.

We have had our fair share of experiences, we have been rebuked, insulted, ignored, poorly treated and verbally abused. And for what? Just because we made the first move, just because we took the initiative and were direct with someone we liked. 

Indian women expect us to ask them out and when we do it, we are criticised for being desperate men. We are labelled as "CHEPS" or "CHEPUS" a colloquial north Indian term for a sticky person.And yes , not to forget that a girl's father, mother , brother and sister is also involved in this process. Ya, we have had stories when the family members of girls and women have told us to stop calling and contacting them. Some have even threatened us with dire consequences. 

And what for , what for have we been treated so badly? Just because we showed interest in some women and made the first move? Why should we even compromise with our self respect and dignity?

Why should we berate ourselves? Why should we compromise on our dignity?

And this is the reason why we do not make the first move, this is the reason that we are happy being single, this is the reason where a life of solo stoicism is more acceptable.

As I end this I clearly state that we the single Indian men are happy the way we are and are not interested in mingling certainly not at the cost of our self respect and dignity. As far as the women are concerned, they can do what they please. Many of them will remain single fantasising that why no one came and approached them while some will get married to some guy belonging to their own caste and community.

And that is the end of story. For many of my single Indian male friends, I salute you for upholding your self respect and  dignity.

This is Bhaveen Sheth and i promise to be back with a lot more.

Song for the Single Indian Man-SAALA KHADOOS TITLE SONG

Dear Readers,

I have started dedicating songs that represent the lives of single Indian men. Please find the song of the movie Saala Khadoos below:

Madhavan stars as a boxing coach who is single and is always misunderstood due to his professionalism and self righteous reasons. He clearly exemplifies many single Indian men like us. Enjoy this song.

CHEERS!!!!!!

Single Indian men-Beware of the escort extortion rackets

Yesterday while browsing some news websites, I came across an article wherein  a commercial pilot sought companionship with a women on a adult website. Little did he know that he was falling into a trap. The woman from the site met and lured him to her flat. Later some guys claiming to be from the police crime branch burst into the flat and threatened the pilot that he would be implicated in a rape case if he did not pay. They extorted a huge amount from him. For more details you can read the link below:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/On-adult-date-pilot-trapped-in-rape-case/articleshow/53123427.cms

Companionship is something that many single Indian men across India need. We still lack a proper dating platform where single people can meet. Many single men have to resort to dubious escort agencies to seek companionship. Many such agencies are extortion rackets where in some criminal elements  are waiting to pounce on vulnerable men.

Single Indian men should clearly refrain from taking any kind of service from such agencies. This is not the first case which has appeared in the media, there are many such incidents wherein men have been robbed in a similar modus operandi.

Hence I request all single Indian men to take caution and keep themselves away from such services.

BHAVEEN SHETH-DOTSIM- EMOTIONALLY ABUSED INDIAN HUSBANDS

Bhaveen Sheth the writer of this blog writes on married Indian men who suffer from emotional abuse at the hands of their wives. I try to state the facts on emotional abuse faced by many Indian husbands to such an extent that many have been forced to commit suicide.

Not one day goes by when you don't get to hear or read on cases of domestic violence against Indian women in newspapers, internet or the social media. The feminist media has tried its best that any such cases whether real or fake are highlighted and given all kinds of publicity.

It is always the married Indian women who are physically abused, harassed, ill treated, beaten,battered, thrown out of the house. The media loves to make martyrs out of such Indian wives, not to say that they want to increase their own TRP ratings. No one focuses on emotionally abused Indian husbands. Their condition is at best forgotten.

I write on this topic as I feel that many Indian husbands are being emotionally and mentally harassed in India.A majority of such men choose to remain silent. They do not discuss their problems with anyone. As the years go by, abuse becomes more toxic.

Life has never been easy to men in India. Marriage is a ceremony that all Indian men want to undergo. They want the tangible and intangible benefits offered within the institution of marriage. Unfortunately real life is not a dream world, it is not some Yash Chopra movie where there is always a happy ending.

Many Indian women are smart and manipulative. They are aware of the weaknesses that Indian men have.They always want to have an upper hand in the marriage. Marriages in India have been all about mergers and acquisitions where both sides want to get maximum benefit out of the other.

One common observation about emotionally abused Indian husbands is that their wives  are stronger and more confident than them. It is the wife who takes all the decisions and it she who will call the shots. Another observation is that these wives are good looking and well groomed while the husbands are average or below average lookers.

So why do you have beautiful Hourie looking women getting married to an average Joe? The answer is simple! The guy is loaded . He comes from  a decent family, has good educational qualifications ( you know the IIT-IIM  passout, B-School pass out, software engineer, doctor, investment banker). He draws a good salary. All this is enough for a beautiful woman to marry him even if he is a dork.

Many such abused Indian husbands suffer from an inherent inferiority complex. They are men who are not confident, they suffer from a low self esteem, they have never discovered themselves, they never had any girlfriend before getting married, they never went out on  a date. These men were bought up under a strict patriarchal father and extremely loving and caring mother. Such men always seek validation , especially from women.They are emotionally dependent on their mothers and subsequently in the later years of their lives, their wives. It is this weakness that is exploited by the wife.

During the initial years of the marriage men may not notice emotional abuse but over the years the verbal abuse, taunts,criticism and sometimes physical abuse increases. These manipulative wives make their husbands so dependent on them that they end up seeking validation from their wives for each and every thing.

In the later stages things gets very bad.These wives want it all. They want to rule the house.The husband will naturally give in.Many such husbands are happy to play the role of a second fiddle.

And then the abuse becomes toxic.The husbands often get compared with other men who have been more successful than them. These manipulative wives openly insult and humiliate their husbands by stating that they have not been able to achieve anything when compared to other men.

Emotional tantrums are often thrown by the wives as they want to have what they want.There are times when the husbands are openly insulted in public by their wives. They are rebuked and taunted in front of others and the wives openly laugh at them.

And if that was not enough, these wives use threats to get what they want. They threaten on walking out of the marriage, they threaten of divorce , of filling all kinds of false cases against their husbands. Some women go to a further extent. They put their words in action.One of the most powerful instruments that such manipulative women use is the SILENT TREATMENT. They stop acknowledging the presence of their husbands. They stop avoiding their husbands till the time they come and apologize and meet their demands of their wives.

Another weapon used is the absolute denial of sex or any kind of physical contact knowing how desperate men are for sex.The poor husbands are forced to live the life of a married celibate.

Children and in-laws are further manipulated. These women play the victim card who is always neglected and abused.WOW!! Talk on women's empowerment and you have it.

And of course there are these evil wives who will put their evil thought in action. They will flirt with other men in front of their husbands, knowing how their husbands will burn from inside. Some will even have affairs with other men to put their husbands down. After all it is all about MY CHOICE.

Abuse extends to the level of the financial arena. These wives take full control of their husbands salary while the poor husbands survive on peanuts. These wives end up splurging the hard earned money of their husbands on all kinds of materialistic pursuits.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the abuse  faced by Indian husbands and I hope after reading this blog post more Indian husbands will share their stories.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and promise o be back with a lot more

BHAVEEN SHETH

Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM- A marriage that came to an end before the honeymoon period got over

During my visit to Goa, 2 months ago, I went to an Udupi restaurant daily to have breakfast daily. One day while having my breakfast , I observed a couple sitting two tables adjacent to me. Going by their looks, they were in their late 20's or early 30's and had been recently got married because the wife was wearing choora on her forearms and the vermilion on her forehead was clearly marked. But something was odd about that couple.While the man looked okay, the woman was uptight and in a foul mood, there was no smile on her face.. She didn't seem to be happy Now that was really odd about a newly married couple.What had gone wrong? Did the marriage break her expectations?Was it a forced arranged marriage? Was it a loveless marriage that was done just to keep other people happy? I could not understand. But going by experience, I clearly know that this marriage will not last for long. It will either lead to a bitter divorce or lead to the couple living a loveless marriage that has hit a dead end.Both ways it is a failure.

At times I wonder, I wonder why people get into such loveless marriages.It is better to remain single and be happy that to get married to someone you don't love.

The couple was gone by the time I finishes my breakfast but they left me thinking for long.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off for the day and will be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIMThe high standards of today's modern educated, overdemanding Indian women

Bhaveen Sheth, the writer of this post  writes on the sky high expectations that today's modern Indian women have from a marriage. Due to such high expectations they reject each and every potential alliance. Later they find it difficult to get married and end up living a miserable single life. 

Now a days it is quite normal to read and hear on a number of modern educated urban Indian women who are still single in their 30's and 40's.

While staunch feminists are applauding this growing population of single Indian women, there are many who have stated that such a trend will have  disastrous consequences on women.

So why are many educated working urban Indian women remaining single? The answer  that they state is that they have still not come across the right person. "I am still waiting to find Mr.Perfect:."There are no decent single guys available"."I will not compromise on my standards and marry below my level."

Right guy, perfect guy and high standards. Ohhh man!!!!

I don't know what these women mean when they mention the above written words. At present many women are confused. They are not able to decide. Many still go by the face value or the financial status of the person.

Expectations are all the same. The dream guy should have it all, wealth of Bill Gates, body of Hritik Roshan and charms of Shah Rukh Khan.

And then I would like to ask these women one question, just one question.Are you perfect? I mean, seriously, are you perfect??Just look at yourself in the mirror. For starters look at yourself. No, I will not comment on your physique  because if I do so , I may incur the wrath of the feminists. Do you have that figurine hour glass body? Are you lean? Are you picture perfect? No, you are not!!.

Many such women having high standards are average, just average:average in everything. They have an average intellect, they hold average jobs, they have no major accomplishments. They come from an average family background, the ubiquitous middle class family. But the expectations of these women are sky high. They live in a world of fantasy and think that one Mr.Charming/Mr.Perfect is waiting for them out there in some part of the world.

These women are not getting younger as the days go by. Year after year their chances of getting married are diminishing. The only thing that remains static is their sky high expectations. At present they are in the prime of their youth and think that men in their early and mid 30's are too old for them.They love rejecting potential suitors. For them face value, professional qualifications and remuneration of men are parameters decided when considering someone as their future husbands. Every potential groom is rejected by these women.They get some sort of pleasure in humiliating and taunting potential suitors. Many such women want to convey a message to their parents on their sky high high expectations by rejecting potential suitors.

Frankly speaking, these suitors are not bad. They come from decent families, hold good qualifications and have respectable and well paying jobs. They are the real Indian men, men who are not superficial, men who are real marriage material and qualify to become good husbands and fathers. But just because these good men don't match up to the sky high expectations of these women, they get rejected. Nothing happens to them, they eventually find good women, get happily married and start a family.

But what about our women with sky high expectations??

To tell the caustic and acerbic truth, these women end up being single for the rest of their lives. They cross their 20's and enter into their 30's. They become the leftover women, an of the shelf product, something that has now gone beyond its expiry date. They are no longer sought after in the matrimonial market.This is one harsh reality about the Indian society. No matter how modern and educated we the people of India become;we remain traditional and conservative at the core level. A woman past 30 is not considered desirable. Matrimonial alliances now become hard to come by. The one who used to reject has now become the rejected.Even some alliances that came through family relations have now stopped coming.Now they get alliances from the rejected and dejected men, you know the kind of guys that no one wants to marry, divorcees, widowers, single fathers, physically disabled, fat, obese and what not.

Year after year desperation and frustration rises amongst such women but there is no solution. Peers and colleagues of these women are now happily married and have children of their own.For these single women, a solo life becomes extremely difficult. Feelings of dejection and depression set in. It is now that they realize that they were wrong and wrong indeed.It is now that they look back retrospectively and realize that the men they rejected would have become good husbands and caring fathers of their children, had they married them. But now that time has gone. At present there are just a few suitable and many unsuitable men men available for them, but these women still won't marry because of their sky high expectations that have never changed over the years.

As I conclude the post, I describe the present lives of these women and how it looks. For women who are now in their 20's having high expectations, I request that they should carefully read the following paragraph as it reveals the trials and tribulations of living a single life in India.

The scenario is something like this. There is this single depressed Indian woman, now in her late 30's or early 40's living a miserable life.Her parents have aged and are now worried about  who will take care of their daughter after they die. Her brothers and sisters are now married and happily settled. They have gradually distanced themselves from her. No one invites her to any social function or occasion.Men of all kinds try to hit on her thinking that she is an easy available sex object.She craves and yearns for emotional support but she gets none.Her physical needs and wants remain unfulfilled. She has now become an outcast in her own society, amongst her own people.She returns to an empty house and has her lunch and dinner alone. There are times when she falls sick and there is no one by her side.There are times when she wants speak with someone but there is no one to listen to her. Festivals and birthdays have now stopped being of any importance to her. She has no one forward to look for, nothing to live for. Life has now become a mundane and boring existence.

This is the fate of many such single Indian women who have standards/expectations from marriage.This is the price they eventually pay.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing out for the and will be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth

Success does not entitle you to that beautiful woman

We Indians are a strange lot. We have altogether a different definition for celebrating success.We include all vices in our celebrations. We buy unwanted electronic gadgets, expensive three or five bedroom hall kitchen flats, big cars etc. etc.We celebrate by eating junk food that has been cooked in excess of oil, butter and cheese. As Indians , we don't care.

So why show concern when it comes to  marriage.All Indian men who are successful want one thing:that beautiful Indian woman. You know, the fair skinned, well rounded, sweet taking girl. In India, beautiful women are spoils of the war who are to be taken by winners.

Getting married to that beautiful Indian woman is considered a sign of success. That's what we all think. 

To all the single Indian men reading this blog post, I request you reconsider your decision, in case  you too are harboring dreams of getting married to a beautiful woman.You may be earning that coveted five/six figure salary, you may have that enviable job with a big MNC. I congratulate you on your achievements.

The biggest mistake all Indian men make is in their marriages. They think that they are entitled to have a beautiful women as their wives.They feel that with all their success they deserve one. This is one cardinal mistake many Indian men make which later ruins their lives.

Talking from a man's perspective, many Indian men are still not mature. They may have good academic credentials and well paying jobs, but that does not make them complete men. Many men have never lived alone, all by themselves, never traveled outside the confines of their comfort zones. Some Indian men in spite of all their laurels have a poor social quotient i.e. they can't even have a decent conversation with anyone.They hardly take care of themselves, many have poor body hygiene.Other than having  knowledge and skills at work, their life skills are poor.If left on their own they can't cook, clean, do laundry or take care of themselves.Many Indian men have no hobbies or any other form of creative engagements. These men have hardly dated a woman. Their interaction with women is quite limited and that too only at the workplace. In short many of these so called successful Indian men have never grown up. They are trying to fulfill that incomplete teen fantasy of having an eye candy girlfriend, something that these men never had. In short many single Indian men are desperately waiting to get laid with a beautiful woman, something that only the institution of marriage will allow.

And now I look from the feminine perspective. If truth be told , much to the acrimony of Indian feminists, many of these fair skinned beautiful Indian women are mediocre and dumb headed.  I said many and not all Indian women.Not being judgmental but these girls know that they are beautiful and will use their charms to suit their requirements.They make men dance as per their tunes. They hold mediocre academic qualifications and even if they get a job, they don't see it as a long term career:it is merely to pass some time till they find a rich well settled groom whom they will marry. Job is just another source of income to meet their expenses.These women are quite ambitious, not in terms of self-empowerment or career development, but in terms of acquisition of materialistic things. Majority of these fair skinned beauties come from Tier 2 and Tier 3 cities and small towns of India.In these places even today gender based discrimination is rampant. These women are deprived  of many things that today's modern middle class girls living in metros are entitled to.The only way to get what they want is to get married to some well settled man. It is the only path of liberation from the shackles of bondage within their own families. No wonder they readily accept a marriage proposal from a guy who is well settled in a big city , earning a good salary. That is all that matters for them and will not mind if her future husband is pathetic.

Post marriage, it is these fair skinned beautiful wives who have an upper hand in the marriage. The husbands go running around fulfilling their desires. These women are good at emotionally abusing their husbands. In my subsequent posts I will be writing on two incidents where in successful Indian husbands committed suicides because of marital discord. Many Indian men give in to the demands of their wives because they don't want to loose such beautiful women. In case if such a beautiful wife walks out on them , it is the husband who will become the laughing stock of the society and not to mention all kinds of cases starting from dowry harassment to domestic violence the man's entire family will face when she files for a divorce.

For may readers I may sound like a pessimist. Problem is that people don't want to accept reality, forget facing it. My advice to may single Indian men of a marriageable age is that they should develop themselves, advance on their career fronts, meet new women, travel alone across India, develop self confidence, learn important life skills. I say that men should find someone who adores and respects them. Go for a woman who is mature, hard working and has a career of her own. Go for someone who will stick with you during difficult times  and not throw unnecessary tantrums and resort to emotional abuse.

I hope my words of wisdom will have an effect on my readers.

Wishing you all the best.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing out and promise to be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth

On being a pragmatist and not cynical-Bhaveen Sheth-DOTSIM

Being single in India has its own challenges. My single status is a question mark to a lot of people.

One of the reasons for being single is the unwillingness to take unwanted responsibilities and the existing anti-male laws in the judicial system of this country. Whenever I speak my mind on these topics or express my opinion, I get labelled as a cynic, negative  and   depressed person.That does not mean that marriage is a bad institution. Getting married is good, but if a person is not willing to get married, he is labelled as a cynic.

There are many Indian men for whom marriage has turned into a disaster. These men still have bitter memories of their failed marriages and they carry a lot of emotional baggage. Other men had failed relationships, some men come from dysfunctional families, the primary institution of marriage failed them.The bond of holy matrimony failed them.So they decided not to get married. I don't think that they are cynical.

I have clearly stated my case. Being an orphan makes me an outcast and vulnerable.The first thing is that I have found no takers. Secondly, I am well aware of the fact that there are manipulative female opportunists out there who want to get married to me because they have equally found no takers. These women have parents who play the sympathy card to get their daughters married. No just imagine, I have no one to help me in my difficult times:what would happen if I was charged under all those false feminist anti-male laws? Who will help me? I cannot live a life controlled by a woman who is emotionally abusing me 24*7.

Single hood has given me an opportunity to live life on my own terms. In my early 30's, I often see my peers who are living a mundane life.The ubiquitous albatross of home loans and EMI is hanging on their necks along with the Damocles sword of loosing a job.Many have resigned to their fates and are living a mediocre life. They get up , go to work, pay their bills, go home, eat food, watch TV and sleep.When I compare my life with them, I find myself better off. Single life has give me the freedom to do what I want.

No one is right and no one is wrong. Everyone has a different view or perception about a particular situation. A pragmatist always looks at both sides before he/she makes a decision. I have done the same thing and there is nothing wrong with the decision that I have taken.

To all the single Indian men out there,please note that if you are single because of your own choice then you are not a cynic. You are single because you are a pragmatist, so please don't fee sad about it.

The probem with our Indian society is that anyone who does not conform to it norms, rules and regulations is dubbed as a cynic.

This Bhaveen Sheth singing out and will be back with a lot more.

Bhaveen Sheth

 

Stop becoming Rams and Shravans - Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM

My dear Indian men, I have one sincere request to make in front of each and everyone of you. Please stop being Rams and Shravans.

I hope you know these two mythological characters are.Lord Ram was the main protagonist of Ramayana and he became a symbol of sacrifice for better good. Shravan was a man who took good care of his parents till eternity.

From childhood, Indian men are brainwashed in believing that they are Rams and Shravans. We are supposed to take all responsibilities of the family, we are supposed to take care of the elderly parents, we are get our sisters married, we are to help our siblings with their education and we are also expected to be married and be nice husbands and fathers.

So many responsibilities put upon a single man, PHEW!!! What are we? Beasts of burden! Don't we have a life? Can't we live for ourselves? Why are we overburdened with so many responsibilities?

Being there for our people during family crisis is one thing, but supporting and helping each and everyone at the cost of your own happiness in another.

When will we live for ourselves?When will we do what we want?

To all the Indian men reading this post, please think on what I have written. No one is asking you to abandon your family, but there are time when you should be able to say no.

You get just one life, live it now.

This is Bhaveen Sheth singning our and will be back with a lotmore

Bhaveen Sheth

Bhaveen Sheth DOTSIM-NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NEVER NEGLECT YOURSELF

I often come across single Indian men who neglect themselves. They stop taking care of themselves, stop exercising, stop grooming, stop eating properly and stop pursuing their hobbies and interests.

In short, they stop taking care of themselves.They simply loose interest in their lives. It may be applicable to a lot of single Indian men who are reading this blog post at this moment.Indian men have their own problems:we are single because we were not able to find a suitable match, there has been an embittered relationship in the past, separation, divorce, failed married, marital discord, death of a spouse, sick elderly parent at home who needs attention. I can understand. Life is not easy.

But does that mean we should stop living and enjoying our lives? One bad incident should not push us into the abyss of depression and dejection. Life has its own ups and downs.

So  my dear single Indian men out there, go out and live your life. Eat right, exercise and do what makes you happy. Pursue your hobbies and interest.Life is short, live it large.

My case has not been easy either. I am an orphan having no one to support me and still I am living my solo life happily.

The Indian society that lives in fantasy

So when I look at the Indian society, what do I see? A society that has the dubious distinction of hypocrisy and double standards, a society that lives in fantasy and does not accept ground realities. Indian society it seems suffers from cognitive dissonance.

Just look around and what do we observe: unhappiness and grief amongst our people. We are a sad lot. The society is forcing its people in believing that they should live for the present by taking loans and EMI's. Careers are chosen and jobs are taken up based on pure fantasy. Even the search for a life partner is based on pure fantasy. No one is practical. Pragmatism, it seems has become a detested word.

So when I choose pragmatism, the society calls me a cynic. i don't care because there is no point arguing with fools and cynics who are drunk on fantasy.

BHAVEEN SHETH

When the Indian marriage system reminds me of being an orphan

In the tenth series of this post, I write on how the Indian marriage system reminds me of my orphan status.This write up is the story of my life. Those who have been reading my blog posts already know that I am an orphan. I don't need any sympathy for that. I am content with my life being a self made man having slogged on my own all by myself and made it on the professional front.

 

Work and personal engagements make me forget bitter experiences associated with my past. I try my best to remain happy.But there is this one thing that reminds me about my orphan status, time and again. The matter of distress for me is marriage. At 34, I am often questioned on my single status. I don't bother. But there are times when I do crave for some companionship, for love, for someone to be my side.

But  what chance do I have as an orphan? Marriage has been an uphill task for me. A potential marriage alliance reminds me  that I am an orphan with no family. In my case my trustworthiness is the first casualty. No one trusts me.Whenever I speak about my past, I have to relive those moments when I lost my family and the subsequent hardships that I had to  face. No one accepts me for who or what I am.After all marriages in India are all about family alliances.

And this is one of the major reason why I gave up on marriage.

At present I am single and I don't need to justify myself to anyone.This makes me happy and I hope to keep it that way. Somewhere I had read that orphans are god's children, so why does the Indian society treat us badly?Why do the so called cultured people coming from a good families treat self made oprhans with contempt and utter disregard? But then I realize that in India you have no identity without a family. People have no respect for self made orphans. This is the real truth of our society.

I am better off with a  solo life unless I come across a matured Independent woman who will accept me for what I am with no questions asked.

This is Bhaveen Sheth singning off and promise to be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Did your Indian society ever give us a chance?

In the ninth series of this post, I frame a response on behalf of many single Indian men of my kind to the public in general. This response will serve a befitting reply to people who ask us why we are still  single?

A few weeks ago, a colleague at my workplace gave me a short lecture on the importance of marriage and told me that if I wanted to get married,I must bring down my expectations from a spouse.Wow!What a suggestion. People feel that I am single and unmarried because I have sky high standards. I believe many single men of my kind would have faced a similar situation. Indian society has a dubious distinction of making assumptions on anyone who does not follow its norms.

There many men like me, men who are orphans, men who come from dysfunctional families and men who don't want to represent their families.Two years ago I gave up any hope that I has on getting married.I have described reason for doing so in my blog posts written before.The single tag does not bother me anymore. However I do get irritated when people blame me for not getting married.

So here I make a statement "Did your Indian society ever give us a chance"?I don't think anyone has an answer to this question.Men like me are never considered as eligible bachelors.No one wants us, no one considers us. We are at best considered as Hobson's choice or the devil's alternative.

Being an HR professional, I very well understand in order to qualify for a job, one needs to meet that mandatory job specification.The same applies to a marriage (at least in India). Not having a family makes you an automatic reject. No one will even consider you for a meeting. In-spite of all this, I still tried, only to be ridiculed, cross examined, insulted and humiliated.Some families did consider me because their daughters were equally unwanted by the society (fat, ugly, anorexic, leftover, over aged and divorcee). Now I am modest person having normal expectations, I was certainly not one of those desperate persons willing to settle down with just anyone as a spouse.When you make an extreme compromise in a marriage:you end up shaking your hands with the devil himself. I stoically accepted that I was better off being single.

Today I live peacefully living a happy single life. I don't have any problems.But the people of the society don't like it. They can't stand the sight of a single man living a nice life.I would clearly like to state that before making unwanted statements on me and men of my category, people should know about our backgrounds and put themselves in our shoes.

Indian society does not give any chance to orphans. Even if we are able to move above on the professional level, we are still treated as unwanted and made to feel like outcasts.

An Indian society that boasts on values, traditions, morality and all that philosophy on culture  has no place for orphans.

I hope I have made my point clear in this post.

This is Bhaveen Sheth signing off and will be back with a lot more.

BHAVEEN SHETH

Living with loneliness without any love, care or affection, something within you dies every single day.

In the eight series, I write on how loneliness affects the lives of single men in India. While we may celebrate our bachelorhood, one should also realize that loneliness takes its toll, especially on our emotional well being.We become less human, we get devoid of human emotions.

There are many Indian men who are now living a life of extreme loneliness.There is no one by our side, we have lost touch with our relatives, hopes of marriage have long gone, we have good friends but they are busy attending to their own families.At this stage of our lives there is no one by ourside.

I know what many of us are going through. Unlike single Indian women we don't go around advertising our situation. In India, men accept their pain and suffering silently.

We often ask:what wrong did we do to deserve this life? We find no answer. May be we have accepted our fates and compromised with it.

We wake up early and realize that there is no one by outside.We have our breakfast alone wondering if there would be any possibility in the near future where we would be sharing our dinning table with that special person.We go to work and listen to our colleagues discussing matters related to their families. When we see family photos of someone, something suddenly hits us and we realize what we are missing.

We come home to any empty house (I have been doing that for the last 16 years now. First as an undergraduate student , then as a first time employee, later on as a PG student and now a professional assimilated in the workforce). No one greets us at the entrance of our homes, no wife, no child. There is no one with whom we can share our problems, no one with we will be having dinner.Sundays, public holidays and festivals have stopped being of an importance to us.

We ask ourselves?Are we dying everyday? To some extent, the answer is yes.We have stopped being emotional, we have stopped living in fantasy and stopped keeping hopes.Other thean our professional achievements and credentials, we don't have any cherished moments. In a society filled with lies, cheat, deceit and rampant abuse of the judicial system , we have become hyper vigilant. Interactions with the opposite gender fills our minds with doubts and paranoia. We have made fences and walls around us to such an extent that making a meaningful relationship with someone is difficult.In my case, I have not been touched for the last 15 years. The lack of physical human contact is enough to make me inhuman or to put it better words, dehumanizing.

No matter how much suffering we keep in our hearts, our stoicism gets reflected in our eyes and face.We die, we die every single day. It is just that we don't register this minuscule percentage of our death.

This is not just my story but the story of many men like men, men who are orphans and men who have left their dysfunctional families for good.Men who are single because of their destiny. This is the reality of our lives.

BHAVEEN SHETH